A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

About March 29, 2009

Us at our 3rd wedding ceremony in Kerala April 2007

Us at our 3rd wedding ceremony in Kerala April 2007

Hi, I’m one half of blindian love.. the other half is my husband “M”. This blog is about our lives together as a mixed marriage couple, specifically African American (me) and East Indian (M). We have been married for three years.  We have two children (from my previous marriage) and two dogs (one that I’m convinced has a social disorder, lol).

I started this blog to hopefully shoot down some of the common misconceptions people have about relationships like ours and to answer some of the more common questions that people may have about being in an intercultural relationship. Is is always easy? Nope.  Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

This blog will address everything from life in India to cultural perceptions and marriage in general. I hope you will enjoy what we have to say and that our experience helps you see that relationships like ours can certainly survive.

 

211 Responses to “About”

  1. lori Says:

    Hi,

    someone just sent me a link to your blog and I love it. I am a Black woman, married to a Spanish man and I blog about all kinds of meltingpot issues over at http://www.myamericanmeltingpot.com. I put a link to your site up today in my post.

    Stop by and I’ll def. be checking in again here.

    LT

    • blindianlove Says:

      Thanks Lori,
      I’m headed over to check out your blog now and will post a link on my site as well. I’m so happy to see people from all cultures loving one another despite societal pressures!

      • Tamera Says:

        hello i just came across your blog and i am so HAPPY to have found that there is another couple out there like my husband and i. I am african american and my husband is east indian. We have been married 5mths and together 3yrs and we get much sterotypes but we have often wondered if there were any other couples like us out there!

  2. Anony Missy Says:

    Hello ! I just found your blog.How refreshing.
    I had never heard of an IR married Black woman with an Indian man, though I suspect there are more than a few.
    I’m a Bollywood nut myself and just 3 days ago I made a list of all the movies I’ve watched… 22 so far in a short time!

    Also ,how can I get in touch with you regarding your voice over business?
    I wish you and your family all the best.

  3. Nakia Says:

    Hi, I just wanted to say that I love your blog. I found your blog from black female interracial marriage ezine. I go to the ISKON temple in Denver CO. I’m one of a few black females that go to that temple. I love going there. The guys at my temple are so nice. I just wanted to say that I support your blog and hopefully there will be more blindian love out there in the world.

    P.S. On Sunday I was given a matrimonial website. Maybe I will get a husband out of the site.

    Nakia

    • blindianlove Says:

      Nakia,
      Thanks so much for stopping by the blog and leaving a comment! Good luck on your marriage search!

    • Charie Daviston Says:

      Hello Nakia,

      What has your experience been like as an African American going to a Hindu Temple? Would you care to share the matrimonial website with me?

      Thanks

  4. Charie Daviston Says:

    Greetings,
    So nice to read about an interracial marriage between an AA woman and an East Indian man. The love of my life was a South Indian from Tamil Nadu. I am an AA woman. We could not overcome immigration issues with our governments. We are both Christians. His mother accepted me. Been in love with India ever since. My goal is to find love again from India.

  5. Samantha Says:

    I already commented on one of your blogs but thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us. I’m an AA woman definitely open to dating Indian men but there’s so many stereotypes about Indians and Indian culture so it’s refreshing to hear from someone who is actually living the experience.

  6. sabrina Says:

    Nice to know I’m noþ alone! I’m a black american female engage to marry a indian man who I love very much and have a beautiful relationship with tell me from your experience what challenges lie ahead

  7. Delish Says:

    Nice blog. I am an Af Am woman and married my Sikh-American husband a couple of months ago. We’re living in the South as well. It’s nice to have stumbled across your blog and I look forward to stopping by again.

  8. marie Says:

    Wow! This is encouraging. I am mixed Black and East-Indian but my folks are Jamaican. It’s not uncommon there but in the U.S. it’s strange.It’s good to hear of a relationship in the U.S . between the two.

  9. anjumareedu Says:

    Hi, thats great, i also loving one east african girl but i dont know the immegration problems, i want to know that . please let me know

  10. Maria Sekar Says:

    I have finally found a blog for people like me. I have been married to a South Tamil Indian for 21 years. It has been hell on wheels and at times great love. I did not know anything about Indian culture or man before I started to date him. I would like to get together to chat, mental health counseling (LOL), and share some good Bollywood movies. Hope to hear from you soon. I was just thinking about starting a blog on the same subject and than I discovered yours. Peace and Blessings

    Maria

    • blindianlove Says:

      Maria,
      Great to hear from you. It’s always wonderful to hear from new blog readers. Your idea to get together made me think of something.. for those of us within a couple of hours of one another (and those who maybe want to take a side trip), it would be great to do a type of meet and greet or something. I’ll post a blog on it later or anyone interested can email me directly.

  11. Erica Says:

    Hi there! I’m so happy that I found your blog. I’m a black female married to an Indian man (mother is Tamil/Hindu and his father his from Andara/Christian). We’ve been together a long time, and only married 2 months! It’s been challenging, but our families have been so supportive, and I adore my mother in law…my husband is my very best friend. Anyway…I look forward to reading your posts.

  12. Hiya,

    So glad I stumbled unto your site. I’m glad to see more resources out there that focus on intercultural issues and topics.

    I just wanted to introduce to Wedding Nouveau, a new style guide for intercultural brides and multi-ethnic weddings. We feature real fusion weddings, inspiration boards and designers dedicated to making culture and global chic accessible and stylish. Since launching in the fall, there’s been an overwhelming response to our content, which confirms my belief that there is a strong global need for stylish and informative resources that deal specifically with multi-ethnic affairs. Anyway, I hope you can check us out.

    Thanks again, and spread the love.

    Spicyhugs,

    Fri Bailey
    Editor & Creative Director,
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    follow me on Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/weddingnouveau
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  13. clare Says:

    hello i am 20 yrs old and i consider myself black and my boyfriend is 22 yrs old and he is half black and pakistiani. I have a problem with our relationship because he hasnt told his father and father side which is pakistan about me because he said they are strict with dating. Also, because i am christian and he is “muslim”. He told me his father would have a problem with me being christian. However, my boyfriend doesnt consider hiself muslim or christian and want him to be christian because we will share a common ground but hes afraid of what his father may think. We are in love and have been going out for two and half years. I would really hate to break up with him becuase im so in love and this religion thing has me confused and going crazy. I didnt go into this relationship ezpecting love it just happend. Please help, i need some form of advice

    • blindianlove Says:

      Clare, I’m going to open your question up to some of the other reads. I want to think for a bit on how best to respond to your issue. I know you probably feel pulled in many different directions. The lovely memebers often have some good advice. I’ll reply soon… promise.

  14. Cornelius Young Says:

    Hi

    This is my 3rd time on your blog. I think I will memorize the site name this time. I’m actually an African American Man getting ready to marry an Indian (Gujarati-Jain) American Woman. We met in Starkville, MS and now live on th Mississippi Gulf Coast. I seem to find more AA women with Indian Men than the opposite. Have you noticed this as well? Also, have you seen any AA/Indian interacial children? If you know of any pictures online I’d love to see them. I love the website. It gives me hope because her family (particularly mom, dad, and older relatives) are still learning to deal with our engagement.

    Thanks for making this blog,

    Cornelius Young

    • Susan Says:

      I have blindian kids. I am from Kerala, married to AA man from So Cal. I dont want to post on the internet here but I can tell u the kids have a nice blend. They have more of the Indian hair but it is thicker and their complexion is a little darker than mine. I say they got a nice blend of both of us. Some people dont realize they are half black until they see my husband. Compliments on their looks are plentiful. People stop us on the street to comment. But most of the comments come from whites and blacks, not as much from Indians who are too caught up with the light skin versus dark skin issues.

  15. The diverse one Says:

    Even though it has been three years since you guys have tied the knot, may I still extend words of congrats about your marriage

    Maybe I’m blind or something, it’s rare that I see Blacks/South Indians. In my lifetime I have been accustomed to seeing Black/White, Black/Asian( Vietnamese, Thai ,Cambodian etc) and sometimes Black/latino( Mexican, Cuban), but rarely do I see Indians and Blacks doing it.

    Although I’ve been in a multicultural setting all of my life, I’ve only seen only three of them. The last one that I see was from my school. I was always curious about him not because I wanted to date him( He’s a baby compared to me ). He’s has always been in the company of Black women. Long as I have seen him, I have never seen him with a White , Latino or even an Indian woman for that matter. I wonder that if her ever marries what race his wife would be? IN all honestly, to know him, you would think that it would be with a Black woman, but in case not, it would definately have to be with an Indian woman who has his same class, group and attitude.

    When I was younger I would pass by Georgia Tech and see all those cute South Asian/Arab men. Me and my girls would just bee ooing and ahhing about those guys, all of us were doubtful. All we seen was mama and daddy wanting their son to marry a good Indian girl. We just felt that race or Tradition would get in the way of it, but we kept dreaming of being together.

    Still, we never know who god may want us to be our husbands/wives( if you’re guys). He could be a black, White, Latino, Native American or South Asian. It’s about about the heart. I’m not looking for any guys of ANY race at this time,but I ‘ve always been open minded and far as I’m concerned a good man can come from any race.

  16. The diverse one Says:

    Anony missy,

    I’m hooked on AVS( Asian Variety Show) Myself. I would religiously watch it every saturday before they went to Comcast. I have Direct TV, I’m going to see if I can get it with them. Mean while, I’m just going to check out the clips. I miss their movie reviews. The one thing that I admire about their critics is that they are honest with their them. If the movie sucked, they will say such opposed to only getting a select few who will obviously say that the movie was great although they may be lying to themselves about it. I also miss watching some of the oldies( when shown). I don’t know what my television station did, but I’m having an AVS drought as too many dull reality shows are predominating it( Geez!)

    Claire,

    A Muslim friend of mine told me that Muslim men can marry Christian women, while Muslim women have to marry only Muslim men. I think that you and your boyfriend should talk about where you both want religiously be and get those differences resolves. Far as I’m concerned , Love is unconditional. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be.

    I

  17. Ran into your blog through GoriGirl. Congratulations for wonderful married life and being a role model for millions of Indians obssessed with light skin. My BFF is an AA he told me about Fair and Handsome face cream for men in India, I could not believe it. You can sell anything to Indians in the name of light skill and sexual prowess.

    This one is for Claire,

    To be in love is great but life is long and you are just 20. How do you know this is it? Have you explored around. I do not say your relationship or your guy have a problem. I am just trying to say look around there is so much more in life than being tied to a person at such a young age. Where are you with your education and career? How you both plan to support your household?

    If he can’t face his folks today he’ll not stand up for you tomorrow. If they don’t like you today for what ever reasons there are greater chances they’ll not like you in future.

    Is he planning to convert for you or he was already contemplating a conversion? If it is for you then when ever you guys will have differences he’ll hang it over you to make you feel guilty. Look what I did for you.

    Life is beautiful and love is divine just enjoy both you’ll have many opportunities to discover love.

    Best,

    http://www.girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com

  18. Avariah Says:

    Hi,

    I am an African-American female, married to a Gujarati Indian man. We’ve been married for 2.5 years now and it has been great, but very difficult at times.

    Even before our marriage, we’ve lost several school friends and some long time friends due to our relationship. We both had a very mutual college friend (also Gujarati) whom I considered very very good friends with (I’ve asked her to be my bridesmaid), tell my husband (my fiancee at the time) not to marry me because I was black. In another case my husband lost his long time friend of 20+ years because he married me. We can’t seem to be able to find stable friends, even now. People give us looks and snares when we’re in public — especially other Indians. It has become quite gloomy at times but my husband has never ceased to love me unconditionally regardless. He’s an absolute gem and a wonderful supportive husband; I love him dearly. But I often wondering when our relationship with others will thrive again.

    I’m wondering if there’s a forum for people who are also in my situation (preferrably black and Indian couples). If anyone knows anything, please let me know. Thanks!

    • Palak Says:

      p.s. out of respect for this blog’s author, I will not start the Facebook group if she says no or wants to start it herself.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Hi,
      Congratulations on your relationship and thanks for dropping by the blog! I am so sorry to hear that you all lost some of your friends behind your decision to be together. Look at it this way, at least you finally know what’s really in their hearts. It’s sad I’m sure because you probably thought you knew them well. M and I get looks when we are out in public too depending on where we are.. but I got used to stares when we lived in India.. girl, it’s even worst there! I can relate to you and your husband and the lack of friends. M and I are the same way.. M prefers it that way to a sense but… I don’t. It would be nice to have a couple to hang out with on ocassion that can understand the challenges we have as an intercultural couple.

      I don’t know of other forums other than the Blindian Network that the other poster mentioned. I used to have a yahoo group but I shut it down due to lack of activity. I do maintain contact with three other blindian couples. The other poster Palak, suggested a facebook page which I think is a WONDERFUL idea. I’ll give more information on that shortly after I communicate with her.

      Stay strong and email me.. let me know where you are. If you’re close maybe we can get together at some point.

    • Glenn Says:

      I chanced upon this site but am really glad I did. I’m of India descent and my wife is a white american, but I’ve dated a black american in the past. I admire you and want to encourage you. If so called friends had/have an issue with your marriage, they were never your friends after all. We live in PA and if you and your spouse lived near by, would have liked to be open to the potential for friendship. We love to travel when we can and experience other cultures and perspectives.

      • Charie Daviston Says:

        @Glenn
        I was just curious about what it was like for you when you dated a black American? Did you find that friends and family were not as accepting as your marriage to a white American? I just wonder if Indians are more accepting of Whites marrying them as opposed to Blacks?

        Thanks

      • Glenn Says:

        Hi Charie,
        I’m really fortunate in that my family is very accepting of any race, so I did not have an problems while dating the AA woman. I am a bit of a rebel in my family, in that if I believe in something, I will stand by it even if the whole world things I’m wrong. My wife is also very accepting of other races but it helps that we are both christian (I became a christian while back in India before marriage). My close friend’s sister has married an AA man and he is a good man.

        It is really unfortunate that while many Indians don’t like to experience racism, they freely mete it out to blacks. This behavior was quite common among the South Indians on campus (not all South Indians are like this) when i went to school here in the States. I was utterly amazed and saddened by this behavior because these guys were themselves on the dark side. I did not tolerate such tendencies in my presence.

        To get back to your question, Indians in general (the ones who are superficial anyway) do have a penchant for a lighter complexion. This is not just with reference to an AA but also in India within the caste system. In general, the higher castes tend to be lighter complexioned. This attitude is less prevalent in cities like Bombay, so if you meet an Indian who grew up in such a place, you would have less of a chance of such behavior.

        I hope this answers your question.
        Regards..

    • Tamera Says:

      @AVARIAH I TOO am african american and my husband is from mumbai Indian and we both have the same struggles that you and your spouse are experiencing. it seems hard to get accepted from both sides ..other indians or other blacks. but we love one another and we travel and enjoy each other’s company. Anyone who cant or arent willing to accept that can keep it moving .because it doesnt keep us from being ourselves. we too are looking to meet other couples like ourselves ..i would love to hear back from you

      • Charie Daviston Says:

        @ Tamera
        Welcome. There is a group on Facebook called Blindian Love created by this blogger. It’s a wonderful way to connect with others in your situation and also read about the interaction(s) between Indians and Africans/Blacks.
        I am glad that you are not letting others control your relationship and you are moving forward. Have you been to India? It is interesting that many Africans/Blacks have a problem with these relationships too…not just Indians.
        Peace

      • Tamera Says:

        @Charie thanks for the info on the facebook group. I have not been to India as of yet. My husband would really like for me to go and meet his sister. His parents are deceased and he wants me to see his home he still has there and meet friends. But i am not comfortable with the idea of going and feeling unaccepted. while his friends and i get along now there were many things said at the begining of our relationship that makes me feel like i would be uncomfortable going there. so as for right now i have not gone but i have not ruled it out.

    • Maria Says:

      Hello,

      You will be fine. You will meet people who will not look down on you. My Indian husband do not have many friends, but I am very friendly and socialabe. It would be nice to get together and meet other couple like yourself in person. Where do you live? We can become friends with each other. We are a unique bunch. Reply back.

      Maria

    • Shantell Bridgett Says:

      Hi Avariah. I am a 30 year-old AA female that has been with a Gujarati man for almost a year now. Recently, after I came back from spending two months in China and Hong Kong, he decided that he wanted to marry me. He even tried to tell his father about me (us) but he kind of just ignored that part of their conversation. God knows I love him, but my biggest problem is with our religious differences. I am Pentecostal and he is Jain. If we get married and have children, where will they go on Sunday morning? How have you dealt with this issue if you have had to at all? Also, I am curious as to whether or not you have given up meat or not.

  19. Palak Says:

    Hi, what a beautiful blog! I am a 1st gen Indian Gujarati woman and happily engaged to 1st gen Jamaican man. We will finally be tying the knot after 5 years because it took that long for my parents to come to terms. Based on my friends’ experiences and what I see in the bridal blogs/magazines, Inter-racial and inter-faith marriage is on the rise among South Asians. BUT, it appears to be more common between South Asians and white Americans. I’m SO SO glad to have found this site not only for the advice, but also to prove to my parents that we are not the first! For those of us with children or planning to have children, it will be important to show them just how beautiful Blindian Love is. I think it would be great to start a Facebook group so we can all connect. I’d be happy to start it and credit it back to this blog. Please look for it.
    Love, Palak

    • aditi Says:

      How did u get through it. I am indian and my guy is jamican and my mom found out and made me break up with him but we still see and love each other but now she calls everyday and says horrible things.

  20. Palak Says:

    p.p.s. there is a blog and facebook group called Blindian Network. it’s from a couple in the UK and sometimes feels a little too MySpace-y for me. i prefer the toned down vibe of this blog, but if you’re looking for a compliment to this blog, check it out.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Palak
      How awesome to hear from another blindian couple on the flip side of the coin. I always love hearing from new people. Thanks for the blog love and sharing your experience. I love your idea about starting a facebook page (and your respect for me not to start it without agreement.. that was awesome of you..thank you!) Would you mind emailing me and we can work on it together.. what do you think? I’m looking forward to learning more about you all.

      • Palak Says:

        Excellent! I’m happy to help you out in any way that I can. FB might be a nice way to share stories, post pictures (e.g.family celebrations) and ask for advice so that a larger community can weigh in with different perspectives. I didn’t find your e-mail on your site, but I’ve submitted mine through these posts, so feel free to contact me at your convenience.

        Also Avariah, just curious, where do you live? I’m in NYC where it’s very common to see mixed couples so my fiance and I have escaped a lot of social stigma (or maybe we just don’t notice it!) One thing that helped us is that over the years we talked A LOT about all of the possible “issues” that could come up in our relationship. For some issues, it was easy to identify a game plan and for other issues (e.g. my parents disowing me) it took a lot of discussion to get to a place where we were comfortable with the outcomes. Ultimately, because our committment to each other is so strong, we decided it was worth taking the next step despite the possible risks. Althought it’s hurtful to lose people you cared about, your marriage is more important than the social connections you lost. For now, lean on any friends or family who do support you and trust that you will build new social connections with more open-minded people in the future…it takes time… and focus on the fact that you each have a best friend in each other. Good luck!
        -P

      • brianna Says:

        i was just reading the comments about the fb thing what is that called if you have made it yet i would like to join it..or like it.Thanks

  21. diverse Says:

    Gee , with ” friends” like those who needs enemies?

    Like many of the poster on here, I sympathize with you and your husband . It’s unfortunate how the two of you have been treated.No matter how much they and other people may want to justify such prejudice, in my eyes there is no justification with it.

    Even though they may not accept your union,it’s their loss. If they cannot see your love for one another then maybe, you both are better off without them.

  22. key Says:

    Hi everyone am a 24yrs old afraican american that is now dating an Indian. We are very fresh in our relationship and am just looking around at ppl that are dating in the same as me. I am so schocked at how we clicked…. I have an degree in psychology and now going for my masters .he has an degree with engeeniering. We do have some disagree that casuse problems one is that my mom wants me to date someone within my race.. am not sure that his family knows about me yet. but i ask about it and he tells me when the time is right then we will tell.. This whole relationship has been different but fun I haven’t had someone like this for awhile…Am opening any advice to anyone about on dating..thanks for the site!!!

  23. veronica Says:

    I don’t know why people get so shocked when black and south asian people are together, i live in uk, and over here there are alot of west indian and east indian people mixing, so it doesnt come as a shock to people. there are lots of black and east indian couples in the west indies too. i wish you both the best.

  24. mary Says:

    you all are disgusting, blacks and south asians do NOT mix, i am indian and when i see this type of racial mixture i want to throw up all over the place, this is nasty

    • blindianlove Says:

      Mary (which is not your real name according to what I’ve found),
      You are exactly the kind of person this blog is targeted at. I know many people question why I would put our life in such a public forum to receive feedback like yours. It’s unfortunate that ignorance like yours still exists. You are completely entitled to your opinion but what I will NOT tolerate is you calling me or my family nasty. The very fact that you have so much hate within you when you see relationships like mine and my husband’s that you want to throw up, speaks volumes about you, your upbringing and your future. I do hope that in all the throwing up all over the place that you’ve done, that you managed to throw up some of the ignorance, hate and meanness within you as well.

    • nayaji Says:

      It is a pity you are so narrow-minded. You miss the better things in life. You should not even be reading this if you are so averse to it!What is this masochism?

    • Mojo Says:

      Mary
      you are whats nasty, I wouldnt even throw up on you.
      Its inbred, racist, ignorant, ugly people like you that give rise to intoelrance and hate in society. you are such a loser. Get a life.

  25. Mary,

    I am an Indian too who believes in centuries old concept of “Vasudhaiv kutumbkam, ” all world is a family. What a shame that you never heard about this concept. Please don’t call your self an Indian it is a shame for all of us who are proud of our Indian origins.

    Peace to you.

  26. Nimisha Says:

    Hi, i am a 25 yr old indian woman who is engaged to a west indian black man in the U.K. We have been together 5 years and my parents highly dissaproved when they recently found out. I have been given a choice….whether to choose them or my partner. If i choose my partner, i will be disowned and my family told me never to look back if our relationship doesn’t work in the future. I am in a really big mess right now and i do want to be with my partner. I also love my family very much and worry about their health, as it has deteriorated. Unfortunately, i do understand their point of view as to them it seems like i have betrayed them, and they think about things like what will society think, how will they cope, what will people say about them, etc….and have realised that no care has been shown towards my feelings.

    • aditi Says:

      I am in the exact same boat. Im glad Im not alone. Its hard and still don’t know what to do. My mom means alot to me but so does my boyfriend.

    • brianna Says:

      i think they should be happy that you found love im orry this is happening to you someone who i fell for who is indian must be going through the same thing.i hope everything works out

  27. charie Says:

    @ Nimisha

    I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It really seems like you are torn between two loves, your family and partner. It sounds like your family is concerned about what others will think and how they will be viewed by society. Perhaps, you could gently show them examples of other couples in your situation who have made it. Do you know any other couples? You can reassure your family that though there is discrmination the world is becoming more tolerant. In the end the decision you make you have to live with. You are an adult who has to create a life that you can live. Time is the best healing medicine. Your family loves you, in time, they will come around.

  28. charie Says:

    @Glenn
    Thanks, Your response was very insightful.

  29. nayaji Says:

    Nimisha: Be strong. Your parents have already chosen their lives. They did not ask you for any opinion.

    Follow your heart. They will come around when they see you are steadfast. People prefer strength to weakness.

  30. Lee Says:

    Hey yol,I’m half black+half coloured(coloured) and am from South Africa.Now you know that people over here are still just getting used to change and mixture between people of different races.My gf is Indian and it’s quite a thing cuz people stare and aks stupid questions like how she feels in Bed but anyways i just wanted to say that i’m glad yol are making it happen cuz of true feelings.Please mail me on my address and who knows maybe we’ll all one day be friends.How old are yol if you don’t mind me aksing

  31. brown Says:

    I just came upon this site a few days ago and also wanted to comment. I am an Indian-American female (27 yrs old) and I’ve been in a relationship with an African-American male for 5 years. We are now at a place where we both feel we should know how we are going to proceed (marriage or not, even if we don’t get engaged right away), but I am still very torn. It is helpful to have this community of couples just like us, but I have been in a place of internal conflict and sadness for so long over this.

    I know only I can know if it is worth it to me, so I have long stopped trying to see who feels it can work and who feels it cannot. Still, the biggest thing I struggle with is going through the process of deciding I can handle the hardships of an intercultural relationship while my parents remain against me. It is not a matter of what they THINK of me, rather they are my parents and I need their love and support. When we began our relationship, I was 22, and had the attitude of “Who cares what they think? I have to do what I want!” But unfortunately, life has taught me that (and many of the comments here have echoed this), friends will come and go and I need my family. I need their guidance as I figure out if I can deal with the differences.

    It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together (especially with him coming from a single-parent home and a history of “broken” families). I worry a lot about the future even though I know we have a lot of love and mutual respect.

    I am not sure what I am looking for out of adding my comment… I guess I just wanted to share my story :)

    • blindianlove Says:

      Hi,
      I’m so glad that you shared your story. It’s always good to see different sides of what is virtually the same picture. I have to say one of the most poignant statements in your post was the phrase “It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together” I think it clearly summarizes the way arranged marriages versus “love” marriages are viewed in Indian society.

      I wish you love, happiness and peace. It seems as though you have a good head on your shoulders to make the decisions that will bring you to the place you feel you need to be most. You’ve inspired me to make a post today. When I read your words, it had such a sense of matter-of-factness and resignation to it. Yet, there was underlying hope.

      Thank you for stopping by the blog. I’m sending you big hugs!

    • Charie Daviston Says:

      @ brown
      I am very touched by your sharing. Clearly you are torn between your parents expectations and your own hearts desire. This happens to many people for different reasons. For example, Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Muslims, Blacks and Whites…the list goes on and on. Romeo and Juliet was about familial disapproval of their love. At times like this I look for what true love really is or rather how someone who loves , who really loves, reacts to the basic human right to choose. Real love is patient, kind, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. So, one must decide what is true and real love will be there. It does not have to agree with the choice, like it or approve. But real love must be kind and love the person. From what I know from others who have been in a similar situation…the disapproving family comes around…eventually!!! For they love their children. An Indian friend once told me…” Indian parents do not stay away from their children—forever!!!
      Peace

  32. brown Says:

    Thanks so much for your response.

    Regarding what you were saying about arranged marriages versus love marriages, I find it interesting to think of that theme as well. Having been raised in the US by what I always felt were very progressive Indian parents (in other ways obviously), I was given the message growing up that who I married would be my choice. But now I see that my choice is only acceptable if the man is essentially who they would have chosen for me in an arranged marriage. It’s so sad. I don’t want to give up – I told my dad (who is more open) that it would be really stupid for this to end just because of my mother, that she needs to give me the space to decide on my own what is best for me. But even with my desire to stand up to her, this situation has very much beat me down. To have this conversation with my dad after 5 years and have it be unchanged is heartbreaking to me. What advice does anyone have for those of us who face not only negative reactions from our families, but staunch opposition to the point where a parent is threatening to stop being a part of your life? I worry that my sadness over how unfair of a choice this is will impact the happiness of our relationship and likely already has…

    I appreciate any thoughts! (Also, Blindian, if you have an email address for these types of conversations, I’d love to chat more.)

    • Hopeful Says:

      @brown
      I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 1st generation Indian American (Gujarati/Hindu, 24 years old). I am dating a black man (28 years old). We met in graduate school. I really love my family and respect them. I know how it feels to be torn and sad about the situation.

      I too wonder whether I can handle the reaction my family will have. Will I be able to handle family choosing not to be a part of my life? Part of me does get that “I do not care what other people think” sort of attitude sometimes. But when it comes to family- you do care. And more importantly, you want them to be there in the future. They give me so much support. But I also feel strongly about the man I am with.

      Then there is the part of me that enjoys being me. I do not want to pretend to date or be with someone Indian to please others. I like to think that I really look at people based off their personalities. In following my family, I would not feel true to myself.

      Is Indian culture that incompatible with letting anybody else in? I wonder if the culture will always hold on so tightly to their ideals/ values- even as the outside world changes.

      I wish you luck in dealing with all of these emotions. I know how consuming they can become. You are right, in that, only you know what truly is the right decision. However, know that life has a funny way of making things seem okay over time. Time heals all.

      Take care!

      • Confused Says:

        Hi Hopeful,

        I feel like your words are the story of my life. I am a 26 year old Gujju girl who has been dating a 30 year old black man for three years on and off. My man is a mechanical engineer who comes from an upper middle class family. He is far from the stereotypical black man.

        We have broken up a few times because i didn’t want to upset or shame my family. This January I realized that my happiness lies with him and decided to fight for it. My parents finally agreed to meet him. When they met him they made him feel uncomfortable and spoke in gujrati the whole time. After one awkward meeting they decided that he gives them a strange vibe and is not good enough for me.

        They have now asked me to chose between them and him. I promised him that I would fight for us because I believe what we have is real and special. He has stood by me like a rock for the last few months. My parents have done nothing but belittle me and make me feel like I am making the biggest mistake of my life. And yet I am not able to pick because I feel guilty for hurting them. I don’t think I am wrong by loving a black man.

        I was wondering how life ended up for you.

  33. kmariej Says:

    Oh! I love Kerala! God’s own country, no?! Your blog is lovely. So thoughtful and intelligent.

    Best wishes! Kelly

  34. msha Says:

    Hi,

    I am so glad that I have found your blog. I am a AA american married to a Indian. We have been married almost 5 years now. Our 5th anniversary is next month. We have a beautiful 19 month son. It is so great to see that there are other couples out there like us.

  35. Maria Says:

    Hello Blindianlove

    How are you. This is Maria Sekar, I have not talk with you in a very long time. I have been to the blog to read it several times. It would be nice to get people together that live in the same location. We can develop friendships and our own unique family. I am the african american female married to the indian tamil guy for 22 years. Wow… LOL. Peace and Blessings to all. I will participate more often…. You blog is really filling a niche….

  36. Necie Reed Says:

    Hello! I love your blog! Sometimes people assume that Black on White love is the only type of Interracial love there is. You’re very blessed to be so very happy!

    You should check out my interracial relationships forum at http://www.milkandmocha.com. Right now it is a predominately Black woman White man community and I am trying very hard to change that. I would love a diverse crowd of people from different experiences to share in the love on our forums.

    Thanks for all that you do!

    Necie R

  37. aditi Says:

    I hope u can email me back. I an indian woman dating a black man and we have been keeping our relationship a secret until recently. my mom found out and doesnt agree and told me to break up with him and now is controlling my life. My love and I broke up but still love each other and act like a couple. How do I face this situation? U guys give me hope.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Adititi,
      I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I do hope you all are able to find some middle ground. Email me directly please. I’d like to connect you with some Indian women I know who have been in similar situations. One has been married to her guy for 20 years now. There is hope.

      • aditi Says:

        How do I email u directly

      • Geshu Says:

        Hi Blindian – I am trying to post my comment since yesterday but for some reason I dont see it here. Are there any technical issues that you know of?

        By the way congrats on following your heart!

      • blindianlove Says:

        Hi Geshu, You have one post up asking about meeting other couples in NY. Was there another post that perhaps I don’t see? Thanks for the blog love!

    • Shay Says:

      i kid you not, this is EXACTLY what i had to go through. im indian and my boyfriend is black.. and when my mom found out she said the SAME thing. and i did break up with him, and we continued to love eachother and act like a couple.. soo eventually we just got back together; if u really love someone, u dont let anyone stand in the way. and thats how i saw things. ive never been the type of girl to run around dating multipul guys [obviously being indian, it doesnt work out so well sometimes..] but ive liked this guy that im with for 5 years now? been dating for 2 years. and we’ve gone through so much with our parents that i think we’re just not listening anymore, and oddly, my parents as well as his, have come to let it go. . I know u posted this over a year ago, soo i hope it all went well.

  38. EddieN Says:

    Hello everyone:

    To those who have been asking on whether or not there are any groups on facebook devoted to Indian women and black men, or Indian men and black women, the answer is yes:

    Desi/South Asian Girls and Black Guys:
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=63004266224&ref=ts

    Asian Indian/Other Interracial Love:
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=4555771071&ref=ts

    East Indian Guys and Black Girls:
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=66064550511&ref=ts

    Each group has only a couple of hundred members, but that can be largely attributed to the relative openness of Facebook’s platform, by which I mean: everyone who joins such groups has a profile picture plastered up there. If you are still on the fence about the world knowing you are in love with a person of another race, you might be reluctant to join such a group. (Also being targeted by trolls who leave negative, sexist or even racist comments up on their profiles, or on the Walls of such groups, is not everyone’s cup of tea.) As an admin for a couple of these groups, I know how many Facebook private messages I get from people who tell me that they support what we’re doing but they don’t want to “come out of the closet” (as it were) just yet, because of what their family would think. The majority of such messages come from desi girls, in my experience — desi guys who date outside don’t join the groups largely because they think “who cares? I don’t need to proclaim my relationship choice to the world, it’s not a big deal”.

    That said, a Facebook group devoted to married Blindian couples and their supporters, would definitely be welcomed by me. There’s a number of them devoted to blasian couples/families and blasian relationships in general, such as:

    Blasian Island!
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=117744108046&ref=ts

    Black Asian Families with Children
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=39003228516&ref=ts

    black and Asian couples
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=58345160693&ref=ts

    but to have one exclusively devoted to blindian couples/families, would be ideal. So please let me know!

  39. Geshu Says:

    Any couples who live in NYC/NJ area. We would love to meet you guys.

  40. Geshu Says:

    Hi Blindian – I was trying to post my story but it wouldn’t post. I have a blog as well for our story http://colourblindlove.blogspot.com/ please do visit.

  41. Geshu Says:

    Its pretty new. We just got married in July 2010. I am an indian girl born n brought up in India and I managed to marry my husband who is from Senegal, West Africa. Not only that – he is a muslim and me a hindu! It was a struggle!

  42. Geshu Says:

    usually for indian girls it is more difficult to go against the society and family as we are easily emotionally blackmailed. We hope men/women (especially women) can get inspired to follow their true love. Please contact if you want to connect.

    • Shay Says:

      this is exactly what im going through :) im and indian dating a black guy, and lets just say, its been the most dramatic and problem causing thing for the past 2 years. :/

  43. Kam Says:

    My sister has just told my parents about her black bf – she has told my dad she wishes to marry him – my dad said he cannot come to the house but he will pay for the wedding. My dad is punjabi jat sikh and has mellowed over the past 20 years. we are 5 sisters and two of us have done the right thing by my parents – we both married in our community – my others 3 younger sisters all have bf – 2 have white and middle has black bf.
    i know my sister will be happy with her bf – my dad did slowly accept her last bf(who was white) and invited him over for xmas meal. i have told her to be patient and give my dad time. my mum -bless her – is happy for my sister but still has her own personal views and opinions and would have prefered my sister had bf from sikh indian family.

    i found this site and found it helpful in getting views of others in her situation. will tell my sister and her bf about it. thank you for all sharing your life stories. x

    • Charie Daviston Says:

      Kam-
      It is encouraging to know that your dad has changed over time. Do you think your dad is more open to your sisters dating/marrying a white man as opposed to a black man?

  44. Soniya Says:

    Thank you so much for your blog… I am a south asian woman of punjabi descent but was born/grew up in the US – into a 4 yr relationship with an african american man, and we are definitely considering marriage – I just came back from a hard visit home to talk to my parents about our relationship… who feel like I am rejecting them, my family & my culture by marrying outside of my race… I think they feel like somehow they failed in raising me with “indian values” because of who I love, even though I have tried to explain to them that my boyfriend and I are attracted to each other because both of us are proud of our cultures, proud of being brown/black, proud of the histories of our communities in fighting against racism/colonialism, etc. We feel like we can draw on the strengths of both cultures instead of “selling out” from each of our own. But it feels hard, when I know ppl in my community might reject me/my kids for this – especially when I already struggle with connecting to south asia being the daughter of immigrants in the US. Besides the struggle of knowing my choices hurt my parents who I love a lot, I worry about hundreds of things like will people be racist towards my boyfriend in India, will Black women think I’m stealing a “good Black man”, will my extended relatives ban me from family events cuz I will “negatively influence” my younger cousins, and will my boyfriend’s mom will judge me if I have to learn how to do my kid’s hair! It makes me feel less lonely to read this blog – and your experiences really made me think – is it just tougher for women all the way round? It seems like everyone freaks out more when the daughter marries out of race than the son. Sorry for the long rant – feels nice to know there are ppl out there struggling w/same issues! Thanks again for creating this space!

    • blindianlove Says:

      Soniya,
      Thank you for reaching out and reading the blog. I understand completely the concerns you have and I’m pretty sure that as an Indian woman, the pressure is even worst on you. You have very valid concerns but at some point, you’ll realize that in order to love and live wholly you have to shut the outside world out. Please email me if you’d like to remain in touch.

    • KC Says:

      I totally understand your struggle. I have lived the same situation as you are living now with your parents and your dilemma. I am myself married to AA for past 10 years and have 2 beautiful kids. We live happily together in our own little world since we do get scrutinized by my family as well as my husband’s family for being “different” to the norms. However, I believe as long as you both are in love and can handle these “negative attitudes”, you will be fine. We are still in love as the first day we met despite all the “interesting” moments we have survived. So hang in there.

  45. Dee Says:

    Hello
    I’m so glad I found your site..I didn’t know of anyone to talk to about my relationship with a Punjabi Indian man..So maybe you can help me…I have been talking this my boyfriend for w couple of months..I didn’t think that we would ever come to this because of his culture…Well just the other night surprised me and ask me to marry him..Now I know that I can’t because of his family ..So tongiht I was talking to him and he told me the real reason that his family want except me..I thought it was because I’m a African American felmale..He said no it because of our age different..He is much younger than me..So I see where there can be a problem with his family..But he wants to give it all up for me..What should I do….

  46. DeLisa Says:

    I love this site.Because I have so many questions that I need help with..My name is DeLisa and I have been talking to a punjabi man for 3 months now..We started off as friends but it turned into more..I am much older than he is but he doesnt have a problem with that..He says that he will go back to India and let his parents know about us..My question is should I let him do that knowing that is parents are going to be against our relationship.Or should I let him and see what happens..Please I need your help..

  47. Unknown Says:

    I’m a South Indian Hindu Tamilian/Dravidian man & am fascinated by these “Blindian (hearing this term for the first time)”. I am dark skinned & to be precise brown skinned. Unfortunately some of my fellow Indians are THE BIGGEST RACISTS’ in this world. These people can’t fucking differentiate between the colours pink, white, yellow (wheatish), black and brown. A Caucasian folk who is pink like a flamingo is unfortunately called white in this world. Similarly my racist fellow Indians like to paint the entire Southern India as blacks, their rationale being that South Indians are dark skinned, these bastards are so colourblind that if Akon and I were to stand in front of them they would fail to recognize the colours black and brown. I find that South Indians/Dravidians are almost similar in looks leaving apart the facial traits that distinguish them, both have a past of discrimination for being dark. Coming to “Blindian”, I find women to be good looking irrespective of Race, Religion, Region, Language & Ethnicity. I wonder what some racist Indians would say about Kamala Harris, her mother is a South Indian Tamilian Hindu and father an African man. People the world over have been equals since inception because there is nothing that one human can do & another not. I’d love to date an African/Black woman & move ahead if things work well.

    • Shay Says:

      hhaha omg. this made me laugh soo hard. you have a point; indians can be racist against other indians tooO!!! i think my family is mainly from south/centralish.. but i have light/medium color so i dont have that problem. but even in school and stuff, people think im black?! like im not that dark but people can be so freaking stupid. Im currently dating a black guy, and at first i was hesitent since its looked down upon in the indian culture, but i couldnt be any happier. :) i hope u find someone great :)

  48. The Devil's Advocate Says:

    I’m a South Indian Hindu Tamilian/Dravidian man & its unfortunate that som eIndians are THE BIGGEST RACISTS’ ASSHOLES THAT THEY COULD GIVE THE LIKES KU KLUX KLAN & COMBAT18 A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY, ARE COLOURBLIND & CANT FUCKING DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THE COLOURS BLACK, BROWN, YELLOW, WHEATISH, PINK & WHITE. I find South Indians almost similar to Africans/Blacks in skin colour except the hair type and facial traits. It’s been a practice among so called “FAIR” idiots in India to paint the entire South of India as “KAALA”/BLACK when these idiots themselves apply generous amount of “LIGHTENING”, “GLOWING” “fairness” creams and are like a weird creature with white face and dark & brown skin colour. I see that South Indians & Africans have suffered due to discrimination based on their dark skin. I’m looking forward to have a relationship with a Black woman

  49. I’m a South Indian Hindu Tamilian/Dravidian man & am fascinated by these “Blindian (hearing this term for the first time)”. I am dark skinned & to be precise brown skinned. Unfortunately some of my fellow Indians are THE BIGGEST RACISTS’ in this world. These people can’t fucking differentiate between the colours pink, white, yellow (wheatish), black and brown. A Caucasian folk who is pink like a flamingo is unfortunately called white in this world. Similarly my racist fellow Indians like to paint the entire Southern India as blacks, their rationale being that South Indians are dark skinned, these bastards are so colourblind that if Akon and I were to stand in front of them they would fail to recognize the colours black and brown.

    • Glenn Says:

      Hi,
      I’m American of Indian descent but grew up in Bombay. My wife is white-american, but I’ve dated blacks prior to my marriage. I have friends from a variety of races, and find it to be a great avenue to broaden my perspectives.

      I find what you say to be very true. The lighter Indians practise wholesale discrimination against South Indians/Keralites, etc. But, when they face discrimination, starting protesting about racism. When I attended school (here in America), I was also startled to find some South Indians making very derogatory remarks about blacks. The irony of it all was that these guys were as dark/more darker than blacks. In general, there is a lot of open discrimination in India, especially within the caste system. My wife does not like the fact that she is treated special when we visit India, just because of the Indian obsession with a fair complexion.

      So, I really sympathize with what you mention. One of my close friends is South Indian, so I know what you mean.

      Regards.

  50. Veda Sundriyal Says:

    I am so glad to find your blog. I am an African-American woman who just married my North Indian husband this past December

    • Charie Daviston Says:

      @ Veda
      Congrats on your marriage and welcome to the blog. blindianlove is also a group on Facebook. Feel free to join.
      How did his family treat you? And how about your family?

  51. aasiya Says:

    Congrats! I’m so happy. I was browsing and came across your blog; wonderful…. I’m also African American/West Indian decent and my hubby is Pakistani (Punjabi). We have 4 beautiful children and I love being married into a South Asian family. My in-laws are good to me and have helped me along the way. My sister-in-law have been teaching me Urdu from the beginning (a must for communicating with Ma g), but my Ba g(father-in-law) always speak to me in Punjab, so they try to teach me a little here and a little there of both. I feel that Urdu is easier. I am a Muslim(re-vert) and was before I married my husband. My marriage was semi-arranged so that alone was an experience, but I would never change any moment of my life. May GOD continue to bless you and your family. Thanks for creating this blog….

  52. make dubstep Says:

    I am happy to say your website has been chosen for http://www.interesting-blogs.info . Your blog is now featuring on our ‘must read’ blogs list.

  53. Mrs. Thundikandy Says:

    Hello, I am an African-American woman married to an Indian man from Kerala. We will have been married for 4 years this summer of 2011. I am so excited and find it absolutely refreshing to see that there are others out there like us! I love it!

  54. Smalls Says:

    Blindian!!!! Woot wooot!!! We’re a blindian couple too…I’m from Kerala and he’s black! =) We also call ourselves blindian so we were pleasantly surpised to find your blog.

  55. KJC Says:

    “The life and love we create is the life and love we live.” Leo Buscaglia

  56. fancy Says:

    As an african american female, I find it difficult to meet an Indian man. I live in the southern party of the country. I get many flirty stares but very few approaches. I am open to dating men from the indian culture.

    • Alisa Says:

      Don’t give up hope. I’m in the deep south and I managed. There’s also another blog reader who lived in Alabama and met her Indian husband.

      • fancy Says:

        What is the best way to meet an Indian man that will seriously date an aaf. I have met a couple but sadly, they only had one agenda…fun (if you know what i mean).

      • Glenn Says:

        Hi,
        I used to live in Louisiana. Most Indian men are not used to dating as in the American culture. So, unless they grew up in a big city like Bombay, would be hesitant to approach an American woman,even though they might really want to. So, perhaps you might have to be the one initiating. Maybe you could smile and introduce your self on the first initiation. Then perhaps ask him out for coffee and a chat. I know that when I was single, if I was approached like this, I would respond if I was interested.

        I’m of Indian descent who grew up in Bombay and my wife is American. We have a rich marriage culture, and have to make some cultural adjustments. We love each other dearly.

        Regards and I hope you meet right one.

        -Glenn.

      • fancy Says:

        Thanks Glenn. You have helped me put things into perspective. Dating in the American culture is a difference I have not given much thought to. I work in the medical field and work with many people especially indian men. I usually do not approach men, but I can give it a try.

  57. T Says:

    I am a product of blindian love, never knew it had a name.

  58. helena Says:

    Hi, just love ur blog, Iam 26, nd Iam in love with that Indian guys from Munbai. But Iam just afraid to love him too much, and nothing will happen at the end. Indian people do have many culture, nd only married between them. Should I give up or fight…………

  59. helena Says:

    hi,
    Just discover ur blog, love it. I recently been on a cruise, nd I met this cute Indian guys from Mumbai, Iam black nd never in my life I though I will be attracted to an Indian man. The feelings between him nd I are the same, but Iam just afraid of what people are going to think about our relationship, especially from is own culture, which I know that is very difficult to accept other people if not Indian, I do not want to be hurt, so I keep pushing him away.

    • nazareth Says:

      you should totally give it a chance. I have been married for 1yr 1/2 to a wonderful indian man from Mumbai and even though it doesnt happen frequently there are many many indians married to african americans or just people outside their race. there is a lovely group on facebook called blindian love or blindian couples and you will be amazed at how many people are in our group ..i was so happy to see that we werent the only ones, and in the begining of the relationship, i was definately nervous about what could happen but i chose to follow my heart and it worked out. If the two of you love each other than it is worth fighting for. It can definately be challenging when it comes to the opinion of others, however if you feel like you have a connection with this guy ..i think you should go for it. I thought that no one would accept me either but soon realized that they would come around. Many indians only know the stereotypes about americans in general and so they judge us and vice versus but once they see you are truly a good person and mean know harm then they will come around and if they dont you have to follow your heart and realize that you cant please everyone. I wish you the best of luck and remember somethings in life are worth fighting for.

  60. Kjwm Says:

    I’m now in my 7th year with my husband whos parents are from Kerala. We just had a baby girl, we get each other. It is possible once you look at the soul. It does help that his parents are so damn cool. I love my in laws so much their in loves to me!!

  61. Hi,
    I am an East Indian man married to an American and now live in Milwaukee, WI. I like your blog and also comments by the readers who all had various interactions with east Indians or with Indian culture. Having lived in the US for the past 8 years I try to answer some social anomalies in India, Below is one such attempt at explaining the lack of social dancing in India. I hope you and your readers find it an interesting read.

  62. Sidd Valicharla Says:

    Hi,
    I am an East Indian man married to an American and now live in Milwaukee, WI. I like your blog and also comments by the readers who all had various interactions with east Indians or with Indian culture. Having lived in the US for the past 8 years I try to answer some social anomalies in India, Below is one such attempt at explaining the lack of social dancing in India. I hope you and your readers find it an interesting read.

    https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B8Cp-msntk8cOWIzNTgxMzctNTJjMi00NmUzLTg3YzEtNzc0MDdmOTVjNTZi&hl=en_US

    • Alisa Says:

      Hi! This was a really good read! I don’t know how I missed this before. Do you mind if I share this with member of the FB group? There was just a discussion a few weeks back about learning bhangra.

      • Thanks a bunch for appreciating my article on Social Dancing. Based on encouragement from readers like you I have started my own blog at http://knowrealindia.wordpress.com/
        Please visit and let me know what you think of the same.

        As for your question! Yes, Please feel free to share this doc or better still the blog link with your FB group and also inform me of what their comments are. Do add me on FB if you would like to stay connected and know more about India, Caste System and Dr. Ambedkar!

        Thanks,
        Sidd Valicharla

    • Stephie Says:

      Hello. Your document about social dancing, and the caste system in India is very enlightening. I also started watching “India Untouched,” the You Tube movie you recommended. My boyfriend is from Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu. He is 29 years old, and we met in Amsterdam while we are both working here on temporary contracts, both due to complete mid 2012. Before he came to Europe, he had moved to Mumbai and to Singapore to work, so he is quite non-traditional. We fell in love the moment we met and have been inseparable ever since, for over 8 months. I am an American woman, 42 years old (though everyone thinks I look 32/33), and my boyfriend looks in his early thirties so when people see us together, they never give it a second glance. I am divorced without children. His parents had expected him to have an arranged marriage, though he told them he would find his own wife. He was raised by his grandmother because of the conflicts between he and his father, though he visited his mother/father/brother frequently in his youth. We are both educated; he is a computer engineer and I am a professional fundraiser for non-profit organizations around the globe. He was raised Hindu and me Catholic, and now we practice neither and live more along the Buddhist/ecumenical path.

      This past weekend my boyfriend flew back to India for Diwali and for short vacation. He said he will tell his family about me face to face. He said he could not bring me with him until they know, understand and try to accept his decision. It hurt me at first that I was unable to go with him. One of my friends whose family is Punjabi (her father is Indian/her mother American), said that he needs to “step up” to his family and tell them about me and bring me with him. Every situation is different, and I believe he is doing the right thing. He has a heavy heart about this, and I want him to have his family’s support and love. As I’ve never been to India yet, I have little comprehension about the culture even though I try to read alot and watch the documentaries to learn. When you visit a place, then you know so much better.

      Before I met him, I was making my plan for a sabbatical to India for 1 to 3 months to study Ayurveda and practice yoga. In my former position, I had worked with the Sisters of Mercy (Mother Teresa’s order) to raise funding/publish their materials, in Calcultta, and I wanted to visit there and volunteer with them.

      He has been to the USA with me in July and has met my family and friends in New York/Massachusetts, and he really loved the experience to be there with me. Of course, my social circle to whom I am very close, was extremely open and welcoming to him and made him feel part of us immediately. He is open to moving to the USA to pursue further studies, though eventually I think he would like to go back to India or at least travel between the two continents if we can make that financially feasible. He still wants to provide a home and sustenance for his parents. He is a good man, an old soul, and I love him very much.

      I write to you because it seems you have a keen perspective as a man in an interracial marriage, and also I wondered if you could ask your wife to write to me about her experience to be married with a man from India if that is not asking too much.

      My email is stephanie227@live.com.

      Thank you. Namaste.

      Stephie

      • Hi …
        Thanks for liking my doc on Social Dancing and informing me about your situation. I will pass on your request to my wife to write to you and share her experiences.

        Meanwhile please do visit my blog that I have started at http://knowrealindia.wordpress.com/ and if you have a FB account please add me so we can stay in touch.

        Thanks,
        Sidd Valicharla

  63. Arielle Says:

    Life is a chance.You will never know until you know his stance on it. If he wants to be with you , let him make the first move , then take it from there. Anytime you’re in a mixed relationship of any sort, you will always have your supporters and critics.In case your attraction becomes the real deal, you both will have to be strong for each other if you just come across some anti-IR people. If you come across people who are in long term mixed marriages/relationships , they will tell you the ups and downs being in a relationship/marriage,but they have so much love for each other that they still want to be connected.Even if you both married people of your own background,it would be the same way,but you will have to able to muster the strength to stand your grounds.That is what love is about.

    PS. I thin about what you said, how you’re trying shooing the man. I’m not going to pretend that I’m a psychic,but everytime I hear people doing this, they end up being with them. I’m not saying/saying that it will end up being that way,but if it’s meant to be, it would be a nice story to tell.

  64. Shay Says:

    i think this is sooo cute. im sort of in the same situation. my boyfriend is african american. and my parents are from south/central india.. its definitly not easy dealing with this culturally. My boyfriends parents are worried that my parents will not accept him in my family….yet my mom said i can marry whoever i want. she just doesnt like HIS parents…[they're sports coaches, so of course theres gonna be problems here and there]
    any tips? we’re not going to get married for a while of course.. like another 7-10 years. but i think this page/blog is super cute. :)

  65. ashley Says:

    This page is wonderful and cool i have it as a favorite !!!!!!
    im 21 years old and currently in college and my Indian friend in 24 years old
    and im interested in him, we work together and go to college together so we see each other often
    and we communicate and go out together too
    but i am not sure what to think of his gestures.. i think he is just being polite but im not sure. i dont want to ask b/c i dnt want to make things awkward at school or work…
    any suggestions on what to do?

    • Glenn Says:

      hi Ashley,
      My wife is an American and I met her after I finished with school here.

      Having grown up in India, you are right in assuming that he could just be being polite. But he could also be interested and just not know how to bring it up. Especially because in many parts of India (especially the South) it is considered too forward for to bring this up explicitly. If I lived (PA) where you lived, i would not mind being introduced to him and hence bringing it up with him to help you out :).

      Since you meet often, perhaps you could mention that in this culture when a man and women spend a lot of time together, it is not unreasonable to bring up this matter. Or maybe mention that you would be open to more than a friendship just so as to give him a way out and preserve the relationship regardless. I know that this is no easy solution. I hope this helps.

      Regards,
      Glenn

      • ashley Says:

        hello Glenn
        thanks so much for the advice
        maybe the next time we hang out, i will mention it, we can talk about anything and everything. so this topic would not be any different ( i hope)…

        thanks again
        Ashley

  66. Marshea Says:

    Just checking in again to see if there are any new comments in the Blindian community! :)

  67. NJB Says:

    I just found your blog. It is very cool. I am living in India for year and while I’m not in a relationship or trying to date, I can relate to alot of what you’ve said (I’ve read alot of you posts) about life especially as a BF in India. It was heartening for me to know that others have felt like I do about some of the everyday things you have talked about.

    Stay blessed.
    NJB

  68. Kimberly Says:

    Hi, I like your blog. Would like to know how you’re doing now and what are the ages of you and your husband?

  69. RT Says:

    I met her before 4 months,She’s african while I’m an Indian,If i see the reality I dont need that girl,because First my culture doesn’t allow me,second I’m a handsome guy with a nice money in pocket(as explained by my other GF before)So i can get many girls,Beside all these I didn’t know when exactly it happened I fell in love for that girl & that’s not the ending now I came back to India after15 months but It seems like my life is on its end,passing a single second is like a year for me,only one thing I have started which I never did in my life is crying,I never prayed but morning to evening I’m praying ,I want to go back to see her but it’s not possible,since my project is finished,It seems like my life is just finished & now nothing else is left,

    • Alisa Says:

      Your story is heartbreaking but I have one question. Would you rather live the remainder of your life in happiness or wishing for what could have been? Planes fly each way each day and if you’re missing her so much why not reach out to her and see where it goes? Matters of the heart don’t have anything to do with looks or money. If it did, you could look in the mirror or reach in your pockets to make this pain you’re feeling of being away from her go away.

      • RT Says:

        I dont know which country u belongs,but i guess u dont know about Indian culture,Of course i hate it now in this situation but will have to follow it,Obviously i’ll go to see her but that will be a period of time not for my complete life,i want & need her for my life which is not possible in my environment.I explained about look & money because before it ,it was my thinking that i dont need one Girl, i can get many more (luckily i realized it very soon that i was wrong),but seriously i cant write everything here but for me only one thing has changed ,I’ve lost my smile

      • nazareth Says:

        Rt i just read your story and i am so sorry for you. I pray that it works out for you. My husband is Indian and is from Mumbai. He came here to the U.S 5yrs ago. I am african american and he too faced many of the same challenges that you do now, but he never gave up and after a long distance relationship for a year, it worked out and we are happily married. IT can be done ..dont lose faith..and where there is a will there is a way.

  70. Amita Patel Says:

    I just came across your website and Kudos to you. I have a similar relationship, I’m a black american women with Gujarati hindu man, now going on six years. I don’t see myself as black in the sense of a black culture. I am now culturely Indian, I cook on a regular basis indian food, watch indian tv, etc. As with a lot of African American women, my ancestry is mixed. (a French, African, Native American blend) I can blend in with several cultures including, Mexican, South Asian with no problems. But no I don’t have staight hair down to my waist or my knees which is what people think of as being a indian women.

    My experience has been that india is a land of varied skin shades, body types, even hair that I feel I’m accepted more there than I am in American Culture. America wants to still put a label on separation of culture or race. Not be be discriminatory, but we still have a long way to go in race relationships and understanding that being white, black, asian, is not about culture. Being of a certain race doesn’t mean you have adopted one type of culture over another or you have to look homogenous with everyone of the same race.

    Look forward to reading your blog. Thanks again.

  71. Gabbybella28 Says:

    I am Black , From south America Living in America , After a fail Marriage I met an Indian Guy In New York , Over 3 years ago, we have been married for over a year, We are like best friends My girls call him Dad since he is an Engineer that works in the Energy Industry , we move to Fl where people look at us Strange and we look at then back and smile,We have a grate life at this time we are going to Move to Houston TX, since my Husband has a grate job offer there , His mom and I are very good Friends she sees my kids as her grand kids since she has non she visit us all the time , His dad however did not want him to marry me my husband do not talk to him. Other than that we have grate friends and best of all we are happy.

    • Alisa Says:

      Gabbybella28,
      It’s great that your MIL has accepted you and the kids. It makes things so much easier. Hopefully your father-in-law will come around soon.

  72. BluJay Says:

    I stumbled upon your blog, and I must say you give me hope. I’m a young Afro-Caribbean woman in a serious relationship with a Marathi Indian man from Pune. Although we have yet to encounter hostile racism, our family and friends alike (while they have been more than accepting of us as individuals and a couple) have raised concerns as to how our cultures will meld into one cohesive relationship, especially in terms of religion. I plan on linking them to this blog as further proof that it is indeed possible for our relationship to not only survive, but flourish.
    Please, oh PLEASE keep sharing your experiences!

    • Alisa Says:

      Thanks Blujay… melding cultures isn’t always easy but once you guys find your own rhythm, it becomes much easier. It’s almost six years in for me and M and still sometimes find that we have to adjust our “dance” so to speak. However, once we do, life is good. Thanks so much the blog love.

  73. Brianna Says:

    Hello:) i am a 18 year old african american girl and i am currently in school and trying to find a job.The reason why i am contacting you is because i am completely head over heels with this indian guy.i know we are young but i just know in my heart he is right.we are starting to get to know each other but we still feel very strongly about us.Right now we are having a relationship secretly with letters and all that because we know his mom will not like him being with me.I just don’t know what i can do to get her to like me…Any Suggestions?

    • Alisa Says:

      Hi Brianna,
      My advice is to just be yourself! You can’t force someone to like you. However, sneaking around isn’t good either. At this point, it’s speculation on both your and your boyfriend’s part that his mom won’t like you. Why not find out for sure how she will feel…Perhaps you could get him to introduce you to his mom so you know for sure. You never know… she may meet you and really like you.

      • brianna Says:

        thank you i see her alot at their family owned store and we don’t really talk about anything..she knows how i feel about him and i know that she does not like it..its hard

  74. A Says:

    Hi there!

    My mom is Black and Hispanic and my dad is East Indian and I struggle with my interracial identity sometimes. I found your blog and you’ve given me hope! Thanks for being so strong!
    - A

  75. Nicolette Says:

    Wow this blog is so refreshing! I’m a black female and my boyfriend is south Indian, we are so crazy about each other. I have 1 child from a previous marriage. This is a 1st blindian relationship for both of us and were having a blast!!!! He’s the most kind, respectful and adoring man I’ve ever met. People stare all the time when we are out. I don’t really care and neither does he. Most of the time people stare when my daughter is with us. I guess they are trying to figure out if she’s his or not(her father is black). But I will be keeping up with your blog! Thanks, I truly needed this!!!

  76. robin Says:

    hello. i know of no one to ask this of so i’m starting here and maybe you and your husband can address my concern. a relative of a close friend has dated and was engaged to an indian man for approximately a year. my friend’s relative I’m told for lack of a better word is extremely ghetto so the relationship (or attraction) has always been somewhat surpising. it’s believed to be financially motatived for her. however, she has never met her future in laws but we know the family is well off financially. shortly after christmas, she traveled to India. her future brother-in-law paid for her trip but she traveled alone because for reasons unexplained, her and her future husband could not travel together. once she arrived, she saw very little of her fiance. then, her family received a phone call from her stating she was married, but not to her fiance, but his cousin instead. she didn’t explain why she married the cousin but only stated that she had to be married to him for 2-years. as you can guess, the family is very worried and concerned she’s been coaxed and now worried if she will even return home. they’ve heard nothing from her over the last few days. she is only 28 years old and has two small children. what are your thoughts? is this something that indian men do to young unknowing female american women in hopes of obtaining a green card or u.s. citizenship?

    • Alisa Says:

      Robin,
      I read your post like this :O My first thought was that perhaps it was a greencard scam. However, I when I read your post to hubby he thought slightly differently. He says if the family is well off, they wouldn’t need to need to pay for a greencard for the guy who was already here. He wondered if she was paid to marry the cousin. Do you happen to know where the boyfriend was from in India? The more M thought about this the more he was saying things didn’t make sense to him. He’s saying it doesn’t make sense for someone to date someone, take them home and then force her to marry the cousin. It makes me wonder if the girl knew what was up before she left too if the in laws paid for the ticket. Sounds like her family needs to ask more questions about this situation.

  77. Stella Says:

    I’m a black woman living in the UK. I stumbled across your blog and was so happy to read about you and your husband. I have been dating a Bengali guy for the last nine months. Alas, we will not get our happy ending! His parents have demanded he marries someone from his own culture and are organising an arranged marriage for him! He does not want an arranged marriage and has avoided one, thus far. However, given his age, he is considered “old” and his parents gave pressurised him into complying with their wishes. This is so sad, as I am a professional woman, with my own home and income and in some circles, I would be considered a good catch! We really want to be together, but his culture and family are stronger than his feelings for me. Good luck to you both and I hope have a long, happy marriage.

  78. TyJuana Says:

    I Love India people ( Hindu ) I hope one Day I’ll Marry One & I want really bad .

  79. Mz 8612 Says:

    Thank you so much for this blog. I’m truly inspired by your journey. I’m an African American woman who has been with my Pakistani-Indian boyfriend for over 5 years. We plan to marry and thankfully both of our parents support us moving forward. We are having anxiety for the future because we are worried about “how are we going to do this” and “what if…” Seeing this blog makes me feel hopeful and secure about our future. I guess you can’t assume the challenges you will or will not have, and some things you just have to learn as you go.
    Thank you.

  80. tara powell Says:

    Hi
    I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now. I thank you on your insights and I’m happy to say I have found love from India also! I have always been close to the Indian culture. It calls to me I’m so familiar with the people the colors, lol the food! I have dated a few Indian men who were very honest in their saying that they will Marry only within their culture as if I automatically wanted to marry them. I’ve had a fear of marriage but for a progressive Indian man I will make an exception! Not that I do not understand and champion the end of struggles for black men I find myself needing more of a diverse ideology. Like I said India has always called to me maybe because of my Indian ancestor. My mom said from the day I was born my Indian doctor took me around the hospital with her when I was born. Maybe that started it. Ok I digress I’m writing you to share in my joy that I have found the one I can’t live without! I met him online and never paid attention to him because I was talking to another Indian guy who I thought was the one. Well as time passed and messages here and there we started talking more and more. I realized this guy is smart and practical and does not get bogged down in traditions. He does not abide by the normal Indian culture that he must marry who his family likes and that he must conduct his life according to his family. I ask him on several occasions what would his family say about him being with a black woman and his reply..what can they say. His mom wants him to be happy even though I’m not sure if he has told her we plan to marry. I however will respect how he wants to do and I will not push it! He is honest I can see it in his eyes and all I want to do is be a good wife because we are already friends. This is as real love gets, my Sandy ( what we call him) has gone from India to Dubai and we have not missed a beat in messages and Skype. I cannot describe the feeling of knowing that you have found your life partner even though I haven’t even felt his heartbeat. I know it beats for me and I can see it when he can’t stop smiling before a word is spoken on a video call! We have started the paperwork for us to get a waiver and for him to come on a k2 visa. Well It is coming even the fact that I already have two children does not even phase him! I know he will be a good father considering the advice I get grinned thousands of miles away! He loves me and I love him and our story I hope can inspire others as yours and M story has inspired me! Thank you so much you have no idea of the hope your story has given a doubtful girl! I will keep you posted on when he gets here but honestly I will go where ever he is. Lol

  81. Kavi_Kris Says:

    Please email me! I am stumbling upon your blog and I think it is great that you found love in a hopeless place. I have been in love with blindian love (though I am native american mixed) and I think it is awesome that you have been married happily with two kids. I have to say more about it but I have been able to blog my current feelings. I have a blogspot, please read a couple my first entry entitled : “A Lyfe I Always Wanted…” at http://www.wondrouskavikris88.blogspot.com. It’s great to find someone that follows their heart and has their eyes open. I retrieved your email and can’t wait to hear more and follow your blog.

    Kavi_Kris

  82. andre Says:

    I’m a 42 year old product of Blindian parents, and I know I am not an anomoly. I am taken for all sorts of things accept what I am. Good luck to you beautiful folks.

  83. SJ Says:

    WOW I almost cried when I came across this blog! I am Half black and Half white and my husband is Punjabi (we were both born and raised in Canada). We have been married for 2 years this Tuesday.
    We live in a part of the Toronto area that is COMPLETLY Indian! We get stared at all the time, Once an indian woman spat at my feet and called me a black whore in Punjabi, My husband went off on her while I stood there stunned, It is not like me not to tell someone off but I was so suprised that it happend I said nothing !
    My Husband and I have been friends since we were 11 years old and after college we re connected and my husband told me that he has been in love with me since grade 7 we got married 2 years later in a non religous ceramony that was mostly canadian with some Punjabi traditions and food (OMG the food is SOOOOO good!)
    His Mother and Sister have had no problem with our relationship and I love them like i love my own mother and Sister, His father is a good man and though he is more traditional was more worried about his Son being happy then what people were going to think. My mother and sisters and brother has no problem with him being Indian but my father was and still is dead set against this marriage. He thought that I was just a fetish for my husband and that i would end up with a few kids before he left me for an indian woman.
    We have had a reallllllly hard time, I have gone to so many Indian weddings and worn beautiful Sari (which I was so scared about because I am a bigger girl) and felt the death stares, my father in laws family told him that they didnt want him to marry me because it is going to be hard to arrange marriges for their children if there is a black person in the family. we want so much to have a baby but I am scared that there will be more problems. My husband and I both decided that if we do have a baby that it will be raised christian. I told him that I didnt want them (or myself) going to the Gudwire (not sure i that is how you spell it) to be looked down apon. I was there once for a wedding and swore that only time that I would go back was for my sister in laws Wedding. I felt like a lepper!

    Sorry to ramble but this is the most amazing thing to have other black woman and Indian woman that know what I am going through, I have felt really alone and your blog has given me hope that things can work.

    I love my Husband, no matter if he is Indian, black , white or purple I love him because he is him and for no other reason. I just am not sure how to take all of this negativity it is killing our relationship, what do you suggest?

  84. anon Says:

    I am a first generation Hindu, Gujarati girl, in my mid 20′s and I have been in a relationship for 4 years now with the love of my life who is black and Muslim; he is hands down the kindest, funniest, and most respectful guy I have ever met. His father practices Islam and the rest of the family supports his religion, but do not practice. Fortunately for us, his family is extremely loving and accepting of our relationship, and are a constant support. However, I have heard a lot of criticism about our relationship from several friends, and some of my family members, and needless to say.. it’s been difficult so far, but I am going to be telling my (extremely strict) parents about him veryyy soon (aiming for this week). I have always been someone who see’s the beauty in people of all races, religions, and ethnicities, but as many of us know, most indian people aren’t so “colorblind”. The fact that he is not only black, but technically Muslim, means double to “shame” I will be bringing to my family (of course, this is ridiculous, but unfortunately that’s how my family and rest of the Indian community will see it). I know the importance of family and love them, as well as my large extended family dearly, but I know what I want, and am aware that to reach true happiness and marry the one i love, will mean losing a lot of people that I care about along the way; this I am not looking forward to. This page has been filled with many beautiful love stories that I have been intrigued and delighted by. I guess I was looking for advise, or for anyone who has had to deal with similar issues on how to go about breaking the news to my parents, and then dealing with the aftermath.

  85. AB Says:

    I am at the biggest crossroad of my life and I don’t know what to do and really want some help from anyone…please…

    I am from the UK and am of Indian Sikh decent with a fairly traditional immediate and extended family. I started dating a black girl also from the UK of Jamaican decent two years ago with what started out as nothing serious and somewhere along the lines unintentionally fell deeply in love and am now in a massive predicament. Her family know about me and adore me. My family have just recently found out about her and have explicitly said it’s a no. Other members of the family have had mixed opinions. She is fully aware of what my family think and is willing to stand by me no matter what which I feel is easy for her to say as she will always have her family by her side. If it were my way, my family would accept her and I would get married to her tomorrow!

    I have always loved my family and have never had any arguments with them until they found out about this girl(about a 7/8months now) my life has been very stressful and depressing since. I just want the good old days back :( With all this in mind, I emotionally detached myself from the relationship and fabricated a few arguments with her and used that as an excuse to break up with her (I know that was bad). She was so persuasive not to end that we decided to have a week’s break so I could ‘clear my head’ and see if I still want to give it a try. Since the break started yesterday, I have been heartbroken and am so upset as if someone has died which is analogous to this because if I followed through, then she would leave my life as if she never existed which is the saddest thought and feeling I have ever had because I do genuinely love her.

    I am therefore at a crossroad of choosing between her and my family before the end of the week and don’t know what to do…

    • Prithika Says:

      AB, I’m an Indian who married a Scottish. It wasn’t easy, but stand up for what you want man. You will only ever get one life to live. I know a relative who is now old and lives in bitter isolation with the arranged bride he accepted for the sake of his family……he still dreams of the woman he let go of when he was young.

      A life spent in regret is a SIN! Be brave and make your own mistakes, don’t leave others to make the most important decision of your life.

  86. AB Says:

    I am at the biggest crossroad of my life and I don’t know what to do and really want some help from anyone…please…

    I am from the UK and am of Indian Sikh decent with a fairly traditional immediate and extended family. I started dating a black girl also from the UK of Jamaican decent two years ago with what started out as nothing serious and somewhere along the lines unintentionally fell deeply in love and am now in a massive predicament. Her family know about me and adore me. My family have just recently found out about her and have explicitly said it’s a no. Other members of the family have had mixed opinions. She is fully aware of what my family think and is willing to stand by me no matter what which I feel is easy for her to say as she will always have her family by her side. If it were my way, my family would accept her and I would get married to her tomorrow!

    I have always loved my family and have never had any arguments with them until they found out about this girl(about a 7/8months now) my life has been very stressful and depressing since. I just want the good old days back With all this in mind, I emotionally detached myself from the relationship and fabricated a few arguments with her and used that as an excuse to break up with her (I know that was bad). She was so persuasive not to end that we decided to have a week’s break so I could ‘clear my head’ and see if I still want to give it a try. Since the break started yesterday, I have been heartbroken and am so upset as if someone has died which is analogous to this because if I followed through, then she would leave my life as if she never existed which is the saddest thought and feeling I have ever had because I do genuinely love her.

    I am therefore at a crossroad of choosing between her and my family before the end of the week and don’t know what to do…

    (apologies for posting twice, I entered the wrong email address before)

    • Glenn Says:

      I sympathise with you. I grew up in India but live in the United States and my wife is American. A breakup is really like death. Especially if you love someone deeply. the Indian culture is a closed minded culture where anyone who is of a different mould is not accepted.

      Please give your relationship a chance and don’t have any regrets. your family will learn to accept her in time. If your family loves you they will have to. You need to make this clear to them.

      Do reach out to me if I can help in any way.

      Regards to you.

    • msnikki Says:

      Hi, I ran across this blog and I am very interested in knowing if you anyone’s having or had the same experience that I am. I am a newlywed black female of Christian faith married to an Indian of Sikh faith. We dated for three years prior to us getting married we never argued…since getting married our relationship has changed. He’s a very loving, handsome, hardworking man, he works 16 hour days 5 -7 days a week. I work as well and attend college. He was married before and his divorce from his wife caused his family to disown him. This has taken a toll on him. I know he loves me but I know he misses his family. Can anyone out there relate?
      .

      • Alisa Says:

        Hi Ms Nikki,
        Thanks for your comment. Have you dropped into the Blindian Love FB group? You may find several people who can relate. I’m Christian but married to a non-practicing Hindu. Don’t feel bad about marriage changing. The first year is always the toughest as you get accustomed to living your lives differently. It’s something about saying those vows that do something to the dynamics. LOL. It gets better. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open.

    • Confused Says:

      Hi AB,

      I am in the same situation that you are in. I am in love with a black man and my parents have asked me to pick between them and him. I was wondering what you did and how life ended up for you.

  87. sdp Says:

    I am gujju, and hindu. my bf is black and muslim. I recently told my much older, strict, and typical indian parents that we have been in a relationship for 4 yrs. their response was extreme disappointment. I am now cut off financially and had to grow up really quickly, but i can tell you one thing, I have no regrets. I am still dealing with a lot of family issues and know that these issues won’t go away anytime soon. I told them now, instead of when we are ready to get married in hopes that they would get over it before that time comes, and, also, because it wasnt fair to my boyfriend to have to stay hidden for so long. They do not care to ever meet him, but I have to keep thinking ahead, because for me, love is everything, and there can be no greater love than the one we share. I know that my future will be great and even though I love my family very much, I cannot marry them. I also do not wish for my kids to be raised with such negative views about any race because I feel like no two ppl are the same. We must let go of the stereotypes at some point, and I am happy to be making a difference. My advise is stay true to the one you love and everything will fall into place in the end, hopefully your family, and mine will accept us eventually. All I can say for certain is be strong, because it isn’t going to be an easy journey; but then again, nothing worth having in life comes easily.

    • Alisa Says:

      I wish you the best in your journey of love. I’m sure you’ve had to make some difficult decisions and I hope that you find in the future the decisions you made were the best ones. We’re here if you need a shoulder. Best of luck!

      • sdp Says:

        Thanks so much Alisa. Yeah, I was a little disheartened because I made a post as “anon” back in June before telling my parents because I think I was looking for support from other couples like me, but I hadn’t received any feedback. I would love to hear how people get through it, and how they are living their lives years down the line. I will tell you one thing, there is no pain like being judged and turned away by your family for something that you know is pure and not wrong. My cousins that I am extremely close to and basically raised are in high school now, and one of my aunt’s said I am no longer welcome in their house. Of course, she didn’t say this to my face, but hearing it from a young family member is hard…. I appreciate the feedback!

      • Alisa Says:

        I’m sorry you didn’t get the feedback you needed. Are you on Facebook? If so, please drop by the Blindian Love group. I think you will find an immense amount of help there from other couples who have gone through similar situations or are going through it currently. Big hugs to you.

  88. sdp Says:

    another piece of advise i was given was to consider this thought: let’s say you end the relationship with your significant other and they are no longer apart of your life, then (God forbid, keep in mind this is hypothetical) then in the near future something bad happens to your parents…you are left with no one. Would you be able to live happily with your decision? You would have lost everything. Personally, I would feel awful that the one person that I had left, I hurt and turned my back to him, and I wouldn’t be able to depend on that one person. And for what reason? Because of their skin color? and stereotypes that are completely wrong? I could not live with this.

  89. Ma'kenzie Says:

    Hello, I really appreciate this blog, my husband and i had a very rough day today, well more on my end… THE BACKSTORY: i meet my husband when i was 21, i had literally lost faith in human kind. I felt everyone was out to use or exploit especially men… I remember my grandmother was in the hospital for a stroke which later killed her, I was lost i was estranged from all for my little family of 9 and I was literally going through the motions working school sleeping alot from depression. Well i met this awesome man and he happened to be Malayalam India first generation of his family born in the US, He had such and open mind and open heart when i needed just that.
    His parents through didnt want him to talk to a girl until he was practicing but we’d sneak and I’d literally follow him anywhere.A year later we eloped, saying no matter what we’d always have each other, not telling anyone. SKIP @ YEARS

    His parents still dont know, but i understand and we are planning to tell them soon and arrange a real wedding, but all of his friends have been recently having weddings of there own. Every time I hurt alittle bit more, and am starting to feel a snub from his friends now that they see ive been here for a while. I get so frustrated, I hate arguing with him about the subject because i knew from the begining how this would go, but i always get upset. Idk what to do, any advice…..???????

  90. Maya Says:

    Hi,

    As an Indian woman in a relationship with a black man, I can say that I understand where you’re coming from. My fiancé and I met when I was 22 and still in college. We started going out, but I was not looking forward to telling my parents becauseI knew they wouldn’t be too happy. I don’t think they have any problems personally with black people, I just think that they were really looking for me to marry an Indian man. When I finally told them, they were upset for three reasons. One: they felt let down that I had kept this from them, and they had wished that I would’ve at least given them a chance to warm up to the idea (which I should’ve done), and Two: Because I was pregnant, and Three: because he is younger than me (although only by 10 months). I was 25 at the time and he was 24, and they weren’t happy because we weren’t married. They said that they were willing to overlook the racial difference so long as we just agreed to marry, but we weren’t ready. I can say that I’m glad we’ve waited. I’m 27 now and my daughter is 2 and I can say that waiting to marry was probably the best decision I’ve made. The wedding is in less than a month and I’m more excited than I’ve ever been. I also wish you and M the best with your new baby.

  91. Rani Says:

    Hi, I am a mixed race black and Indian (Gujarati and Malayali) woman from Africa – both my parents are mixed as well (mum is 3/4 indian and 1/4 black and dad is 1/2 Indian 1/2 black). Mum looks Indian and grew up in India and dad has mixed Indian / African features. As for me, I have been mistaken for Indian / mixed race / brazilian / Ethiopian and everything in between! Growing up in post colonial Africa makes you very aware of who you are. Mixed race people are not considered black. They are not white either, nor are they Indian. They are able to interact more easily with all ethnic groups but are never wholly a part of any. For a long time I wished that I was not mixed – I wanted to be either black, Indian or white – anything but mixed because I felt that I did not belong anywhere. To some people, I was not black enough and to others I was not Indian enough. It took me a long time to accept myself for who I am and to be proud of being me. My wise mother once said to me that I am like a pina colada (my favourite cocktail) – I have the best of everything in me and should be proud of my heritage. When you are comfortable in your own skin and make no apologies for who you are, its amazing how others begin to accept you just as you are. I am now engaged to a wonderful East Indian man from Mumbai. When we first started dating, I wasn’t sure whether he knew that I was mixed – sometimes its not so easy to tell as culturally we’re very similar and I have an Indian name and surname. I explained my mixed heritage to him and asked him to let me know immediately if it was a problem for him. His reply? “It is only a problem for me if it is a problem for you”. He has met my family and 7 months ago took me home to India to meet his parents who were wonderfully warm and welcoming. Love does conquer all :)

  92. anonymous Says:

    HI,
    I came across your blog and I think it is an amazing initiative. Love is not skin deep.
    I am very curious to know if you were able to understand whether it has been easier for boys/men to choose girls from another race than the other way. I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years with a black guy and we absolutely love each other, things are more similar than different.
    I have been thinking of starting some sort of group for women and men in situations like this to give people moral support where everything else fails, A place for like minds to share stories

    please continue sharing your lovely stories.

    I pray for you and your family all the happiness in the world

  93. ritu Says:

    hi,
    can someone guide me on my situation plssss
    i m a jain indian grl living in UAE , one of my colleague is black american and he has shown his interest in me, earlier i hv not show in interest but now i m started liking him, he has told me many time tht he wants marry wid me, we hv spend sm time togethr like lil bit outing, bt it was not dating, and while he has expressed his feelings and so on … I m so confuse hw would it will workout, hw should i let knows my parents, and confuse as i m serious abt him still should i marry wid him, he eat vagetarian i knw , ? Pls if sm1 can show me direction.
    Ritu.

  94. sdp Says:

    Ritu, I am in the same situation, except im gujju and born and raised in the U.S. My boyfriend and I are very serious, and I told my parents. They did not like it one bit, especially because he is not only black but muslim, and my dad even went so far as to tell me that the day I get ready for my wedding to prepare for his funeral. I love my parents and entire family so much, but I realized that if I ever want to be happy (which I already am extremely happy), I have to accept that they will never be okay with it. It is sad, but the truth. I guess it depends on how strong you are as a person, and how able you are to deal with all the awful things they will say and think about you, and hope that they will understand one day. But I keep thinking that you do not marry your family, you marry your husband; and love along with trust are extremely important in every relationsthip. Once you find a good man, in my opinion you should hold onto him! because a good man is hard to find regardless of skin color/race. On the other hand, his parents shower us both with love, and we are very fortunate to have their acceptance.

    • Confused Says:

      Hi Sdp,

      I am a Gujju girl in a serious committed relationship with a black man. I am forced to chose between my parents and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was wondering if you can tell me how life ended up for you.

      Thanks!

      • Alisa Says:

        These types of relationships can be successful. There are couples I’ve met as a result of this blog and the old FB group that have been married for more than 15-20 years. Let us know how you are.

      • sdp Says:

        Hi confused,
        Life is still pretty hard. I told my parents about a year and a half ago and they were very angry, and now I am almost 27. My dad cut me off, somewhat, financially, but it has really affected my life, and been difficult for me. I have recently just been lying and told him I ended things because my dad kept calling me, telling me really negative things, like this is a bad community, I shouldn’t be with someone like him, I will not only ruin my life, but the life of my children, and other worse things that I don’t care to repeat. All of the things he says are really negative stereotypes about black and muslim individuals that simply are wrong to believe, as there are good and bad people in all shapes, sizes, races, colors, and genders. I lied because I am focusing on my studies and I am almost done with them, and the stress of his constant calls was too much for me. Even though I lied to my dad, he still has a heavy feeling in the back of his mind that something is still going on with me and my boyfriend. Actually my dad just found proof a few days ago with my boyfriends name on it, confirming that he visits me at the current place I am studying, which is why my dad still keeps trying to tell me that he can find someone better for me, from a good community, that I won’t “ruin my life with.” Many of my family members talk bad about me, and I can see how they look at me differently, but they never say anything bad to my face, ironically, but I hear about the negative things they say through the grapevine. I am the biggest and best topic they have to talk about apparently, even after a year and a half after finding out about it (very sad/frustrating). As for my relationship, it is still going strong, 5 and a half years strong so far, and we are still very much in love, but due to the stress from my family and drama that I deal with on a regular basis, it is straining on a personal level for me. But, we will be married when we are financially ready to be, and I know things will be better at that point in time. I still have my struggles ahead with my family, but despite knowing that something is still going on with me and my boyfriend, many of my family members still called me this past new years to wish me, and I know that I will at least have a little bit of support from my extended families end, as for my parents, I can only hope and pray the will eventually come around to accepting it. I don’t regret any of the steps I have taken thus far for the sake of my relationship though, and actually, after telling my parents it has grown stronger than ever. Hope this helps!

  95. Deb Says:

    Hello do you still blog?

    • Alisa Says:

      Hi Deb the answer is yes and no. LOL> I have the best of intentions to post some of the blogs I’ve written but life has been so hectic lately that it’s hard to stay connected sometimes. There’s something coming soon. I promise!

    • Alisa Says:

      Deb I had been on a hiatus because of the baby and just not having time as I once did. However, I have been keeping up with the comments and will definitely be blogging again soon.

  96. Sophia Says:

    This Indian man in my life me adores me as he tells me all the time and he also takes my breath away. However he is set to marry someones else; as he says he is about to “ruin his life.” Our feelings are so deep they are in describable. We have a something special that even though on the outside it seems that we’re so different (actually I think we make an attractive couple…lol). We know we are the perfect match for one another (and we are both Scorpions…..so you know what that means…lol). We’re physically beautiful people and we adore one another. I cant get him out of my head when we are together or apart. Yes he is in and out of my life for a month or 2 month at times….I know because he is overwhelmed with his predicament and he also gets caught up with me physically and emotionally and spiritually. When we are in the car sometimes I get so nervous because he will take his eyes off the road to steal stares at me. Crazy!

    There is so much on his side of course because we know how it works with the family. I still believe we will be together someday. Regardless if we are in other relationships in the future. He says he will be in my life for years. Another thing we don’t really talk we are so captivated by one another and the chemistry adornment for one another is so deep that its like our hearts are touching or our souls are happy to see each other again. We kiss and we linger on every contact as though we want savor every contact we make. This not just sex……this a love from another lifetime. He is combination of tradition and myself the modern hip black girl. I love the old worldliness about him combine with a lot of eroticism. He will be my life for as long as I want him. But he will come to me with commitment soon because I’m in his spirit in his mind and in his soul. He has never met anyone like me nor have I met anyone like him.

    I just want to say to all your Exotic men of different cultures who desire women out of their races. That you cannot continue to deny who you are and who you love. Those of you reading my posting no its true. One of the greatest gift we are given in life is to experience true love and intimacy. Be your authentic self. Or life will just be obligation and deep sadness that you will carry for the rest of your life.

  97. Dr. Ram Says:

    I am an Indian and to be precise from Chennai (Madras). I came to the US in 1995 and while studying at UC Berkeley I met my wife who is a White American from Boston. After dating for 3 years we got married in 1999. We both teach in an university in North Carolina. My wife’s sister is married to a fine gentleman who is an Afro American and is a doctor. We meet as a family very often and enjoy the beauty of various races. My love for the humanity cannot be expressed as I find every human being is a spark of the divinity.

  98. R.. Says:

    Hi,
    I came across this website and enjoyed reading the posts. I am an AA woman who is married to an Indian guy. His parents live in India and was not thrilled when they found out we were getting married. He is the type who does not care what others think and we are very happy together..:)

  99. R.. Says:

    I would enjoy talking with others who are in the same situation and hopefully we can have a support group.

  100. Aisha Matsi Says:

    I love this blog becoz since 4rm a young age iv been attracted 2 indian males,but becoz of da stigma that travelling inda community,about indians making children wth black women n then running back home 2 marry their own indian women,has been a nightmare 2me till 2day,thou da attraction gets stronger as I grow now I’m 21

  101. leilakhan88 Says:

    i was so pleased to find this blog, I am facing a similar situation as so many above, im an Indian and i have been in a relationship with a Nigerian man the last three years. We both want our relationship to be more than what it is now and I’m just contemplating on ways to break this news to my family. I know it will be hard but I am ready to fight for him since he is a great man. I think this love too, as all others deserves a fair chance. keep on, blindian, your blog has given so many of us hope. xx

  102. Chanda Says:

    Just happen to come across this site, Love it!!! i have been involved with myEast Indian man for 8years (some good, some bad), and he is my heart. I have learned to deal with his family not approving of his desires to be with anyone like me (a Black woman). Despite that factor, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

  103. Dineo Says:

    Hi, I am a 24 black south African woman been dating my hindi bf (27) for almost 2years we are so inlove and we have been talking about marriage and kids a lot lately but it scares me a lot that his family will not accept me his sister knows about our relationship and some of his friends that he has introduced me to he is scared to let his parents know about us, and now It will be his sister ‘s wedding of which his sister has invited me to come to but I am scared to go but he said this will be our chance to let them (parents) know about us and for them to meet me. Please help I have read about this awful stories that I have read about “ that there was a black girl that was killed by her in laws as they didn’t want their son to marry that black woman” I am excited but scared at the same time should I go or not ?

    • glenn Says:

      Hello,
      You just have to do it and let the chips fall where they may. they have to accept you some time. Your boyfriend needs to tell them about you. I am of Indian decent and know the culture very well. A lot of Indian men live under their parent’s thumbs (not saying that your boyfriend is this way). He has to live with you for the rest of your lives and not his parents. Although, in some cases they might have to :). I am in a mixed marriage and stopped thinking about what people or family think a long time ago. He needs to be firm but polite about it, as this is they only way Indians understand it. Softness if often taken as weakness in the East.

      I wish you and him the best.

      • Dineo Says:

        aw :-) Thank you glenn i think i will go with the flow, i also dont worry anymore about what people say about our relationship anymore just his family that i am worried about from my side of family am sure they will accept any man i want to marry as long as he makes me happy. for how long are you married Glenn if i may ask? and which race are you married to?

  104. eshathehindu Says:

    Hi I really like this blog as i just came across it :)
    Im black British female and currently with an Punjabi Indian guy.
    Our relationship is great and no issues with family. I think my mother is more excited about my relationship with him than me lol. I have dated Indian guys in the past and they went well. Just he didn’t give me much time after 2 years of the relationship. But my current partner is amazing and i know things will work out. Just my friends (who are Indian) dislike him and say my ex was better. Even though they know its not true. Even my partner gets crap from his friends too but they just worry about him too much as his ex gf really broke his life. Anyway i like your blog and hope to read more. But doesn’t seem so active now.
    Must be busy with family life and kids :p
    Take care

  105. eshathehindu Says:

    Hi I really like this blog as i just came across it :)
    Im black British female and currently with an Punjabi Indian guy.
    Our relationship is great and no issues with family. I think my mother is more excited about my relationship with him than me lol. I have dated Indian guys in the past and they went well. Just he didn’t give me much time after 2 years of the relationship. But my current partner is amazing and i know things will work out. Just my friends (who are Indian) dislike him and say my ex was better. Even though they know its not true. Even my partner gets crap from his friends too but they just worry about him too much as his ex gf really broke his life. Anyway i like your blog and hope to read more. But doesn’t seem so active now.
    Must be busy with family life and kids :p
    Take care
    Peace :)

  106. Nig-Brit Says:

    A very interesting blog with wonderful stories. As a British-Nigerian man ( I hate using that words black, white or brown or whatever….lol ). I have dated Africans, AA, Indians, Europeans, Pacific Asians, Latinos you name it in fact my friends refer to me as United Nations man. However subconsciously I always wanted to meet the right Nigerian woman and from my particular ethnic group. This notion was not influenced by my parents or peers as my parents are very liberal and I hardly any close Nigerian friends. i have been dating a beautiful and good natured Sindhi
    ( Indian ) woman who is divorced from an arranged marriage at a very young age and whilst we talk about the future
    the idea of getting married to her with her parents NOT knowing is culturally and personally something I am not at ease with. She has given me reasons with the only logical or should I say compassionate reason is her father’s health. Anyway it is still early days and whilst many other ex-Indian girlfriend’s echoed similar in past my idea was well this is not a serious relationship so no need to think too much. My girlfriend has touched a nerve that no woman has ever come close to in short a short time……so watch this space.

    My advice to other couples is follow your heart and the worst feeling in life is losing a person that could potentially make you happy and raising a family together. Family is important but will you family live day to day with you and this may sound offending but one has to ask “Does your family REALLY LOVE YOU to disown you just because you want to marry someone of a different race or nationality. Follow your heart and in God’s eyes we are the SAME.

    @blindian – Keep up the good work :)

    • Alisa Says:

      Great post! Thanks for giving us a fresh perspective. Please be sure to keep us posted on how you guys are doing and how we can help.

      • Nig-Brit Says:

        Hi Alisa

        I will do and thanks for the reply. Do you know if any of the facebook blindian groups are open?. The few I came across are closed much to my chagrin :).

      • Alisa Says:

        Hi I’m not sure of any to recommend I’m sure there are plenty on there. I closed the Blindian Love Facebook group down so I’m sorry I couldn’t have been of more help.

  107. tamarah Says:

    I absolutely love this blog and it gave me hope for my relationship. I am a black woman born and raised in jamaica, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend who is a sikh for 11mnths and a few weeks before we’d celebrate our first year together we broke up because his mother and sisters were making very hurtful racial comments toward me, I love him with all my heart but jeopardising his religious beliefs for my benefit was not something I couldn’t live with. I grew very fascinated with the religion and i think its amazing. My mother ,sister and step dad loves him and to them he’s a god because he treats me with utmost respect and compassion, I regret the break up but we still secretly see each other and talk to each other we have never had sex because he has strict rules about that, but every moment we spend together my mother now thinks is unhealthy because I need to move on with my life, but deep down I find it so hard to let him go because I can not explain to anyone how much I truly love him . I wanted it to work out so bad, but it didn’t and it hurts everyday.

    • Alisa Says:

      Tamarah, I’m sorry to hear your story….and I’m sorry to hear how common similar situations are. Unfortunately, your mother may be right. If your guy isn’t willing to take a stand, you’re either going to remain a secret or end up being hurt if he decides to go with what his family feels is best for them….UNLESS you feel you two can do a good job at keeping the boundaries drawn with being friends. If you can do that without the emotional connection of your past relationship, then the hurt may never go away. Best to you!

  108. Aisha Matsi Says:

    I’m black South African lady iv been dating n Asian/1 of the brown people but fromn bangladesh so before continuing with telling my story I wanted to ask for permission to do so since my boyfriend is not an indian but Bangladeshi

  109. simon Says:

    @tamarah

    Sorry to hear about your story but the first mistake you made was continuing to have feeling for this Sikh man when his family insulted you. Even if a man is not seriously interested in you he has to have the BACKBONE and DECENCY to call his family to order. Your mom is right forget this man and let me tell you Sikh religion like Hinduism is mostly based on falsehoods. If a man can let his family disrespect you before you marry him then that is a red flag. I make no apologies for telling it as it is. Find another man who treats you with respect and forget this man. A person or their family can only disrespect you with your consent. Happy new year and I hope one day you can look back and say phew glad i got out in time. :)

  110. Urgent help needed Says:

    He claims he wants to wait until we are certified but why tell someone you love them if your not solid and want to be with that person. It feels like he’s just throwing round the word love and isn’t serious but he acts like he is and that’s what confuses me

  111. nikki Says:

    I am African-American my boyfriend is south Indian we love each other very much we wants to get married we was friends for 3years before I told him I love his mother don’t like she wants to pick his wife and his dadn just don’t get a care

  112. N B Sureesh Says:

    I am an Indian male from Singapore who is single. I am wondering if AA in general feel a lot of discrimination. I hear a lot about how often AA males are gunned down by the police and the police always getting away with that. I am also amassed at how large the AA the american prisoner population is considering they form only what 10 or 11 percent of the US population.

    And why are young AA males so involved in gangs, why the dysfunction?

    Please don’t take me for a racist. I just want AA to be progressive.

    I do know that many AA work hard to get out of poverty. I would be proud to be married to an AA woman.

  113. peautic Says:

    Hi
    I’m a young black african women (in college) had ds huge crush on a very handsome, fine musculine Indian guy. As time went by I told myself to forget about him, I dd. Till lately I’ve been noticing his friends were busy staring @ me or sometimes pointing @ me. 3 days ago my friend found out that the same guy I had a crush on LIKES ME TOO ( I was surpised bt so excited) but I’m afraid he may not approach me. I don’t want 2 show him that I like him but I also don’t wanna scare him 2 not approach me

  114. glennistan Says:

    Hi,
    I am indian and married to an American. Here is my suggestion: Most indian men would be shy to approach you. Unless, they have lived an integrated life in America for a long time. So, it would be up to you to take the initiative. You could start off by smiling and greeting him when you pass by. Then when the opportunity affords use any silly reason to introduce yourself (like you are new around and you don’t where the library is, as an example). Then use that to ask him about himself. He will open up gradually but he’ll still be shy. If he is from the south of India, it might take longer since that is a very conservative part of the country where marriages are often arranged. People from cities like Mumbai or Delhi will tend to be less shy with romantic encounters. But if they show an interest it will most likely be genuine and open. I wish you all the best. Let me know if you need other suggestions:). I grew up in Mumbai but have lived here for over 17 years.

  115. London Says:

    Hello,

    I’m an AA married to my Indian husband now for 5 years. Our story is very similar to everyone else’s on this blog. We met fell in love have been together now for 7 years. Didn’t think we’d last a year after we met as friends nor months after we got married. But we believe GOD has a plan for us!

    My husband too has been dealing with sadness facing his family not accepting us but he’s a fighter and he’s stopping at nothing to win them over. I’m so grateful to this blog just like everyone else this all has been hard on our minds to deal with. But together as husband and wife we will stand together and fight for our love. We are grateful to have such a huge support system in his friends and my family through these trying times. We just pray that one day his family accepts and approves our union so everyone can be at peace.

    My husband has never forgot where he came from or what’s been instilled in him as a first born Christian Indian man. Has stayed true to his responsibilities of his family but just wants to be able to love who he chooses to love.

    I pray for everyone in these kinds of situations and pray that GOD sees them through for this is his will. I ask that he continues to order our footsteps gives us the strength to fight and stand tall in what we all believe is true Devine love. God is the answer to all of our problems and he knows our struggles just hand it over to him. Trust in believe he will do what you ask. May God bless you all and your new inter cultural families.

  116. Saladin Ahmid Says:

    I was married to a Guyanese Indian girl for 7 years. I was kept a secret the whole time from most of the family. I gain the courage to approach my wife’s dad and then she was forced to divorce me. How can I get her back?

  117. jéanette Says:

    I meet this one indian guy from south africa,well my contacts were given to him by my friend,they met some months back and my friend lost interest on this guy because he wanted only sex from her. Since we started with this guy, he had been talking to me so caring and everytime trying to be naughty. Untill I started developing feelings for him. Then I asked if are there any awkward feelings has he started having ever since we met and even kissed. He came out saying honestly I have none such feelings buh lust for u.. So I’m thinking and asking myself was that an honest answer cos I once said to him, am not a friend with benefit type but I’d rather be in a lust relationship. This indian guy had told me dat he had be heart broken,by a girl he loved,the girl was demanding, and no more respecting him,also she had lots of male friends of which he doubts she sstill had cheated him.. So this guy is so confusing with way we’ll be chatting. I try to ignore this feelings but they are growing too strong and I wonder if he notice that, I love him.. So I want to know if He is really lust for me,or love me,judging from what I had written above.. But I wouldn’t mind dating an indian guy.

  118. blindianlove Says:

    Hi Somya, I tried contacting you several times but didn’t get an answer. If you need assistance, please dont hesitate to reach out to me.

    Thanks!

  119. Alisa Says:

    Sowmya
    Did you ever do this? I emailed you but never got a response back. I’d love to see the finished product!

  120. Urgent help needed Says:

    Hello,
    I am mixed jamaican Chinese but as I grew up I darkened within skin colour. I only just mentioned that because I heard allegedly that Indians can’t bring home dark skinned black women. However I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months and can honestly say I love him and he says he loves me and proves it. We go out he remembers all the major dates , buys me things and is there when u need him vice versa. I have a 2 year old daughter but it’s not a problem with him so he says. I haven’t met his parents but he’s introduced me to a few of his friends and claims he’s told his mum about me but I find that hard to believe. I think he may be ashamed of me even though I don’t want to feel like that. How do I know that he’s serious about me ? I don’t want to force him but him expressing the truth to his family would be a lot easier for me because I’d know where we would stand. What should I do ? He’s the best thing that’s happened to me for a while but it hurts to know that this could just be for now and I may be just wasting my time. I’ve introduced him to my daughter and they get along but he said he didn’t want to be a step dad but then later said It was a joke.He says he ain’t been in a relationship in two years let alone with a Sikh girl( he Is a Sikh but slightly westernised but his family is traditional ) so when he met me he knew what he was getting in to. He don’t introduce any if his girlfriends to his parents because of trust issues however siblings are an exception. He told me inside 2 months he loved me and he’s always said he loves black culture as I am West Indian he enjoys the food. The reason he feels like he does not want to introduce me to his parents now is because of what he has seen between his siblings. He wants to make our relationship solidified only because if a black girl and an Indian Sikh guy are gonna make a family last the foundation should be strong enough rather than rushing into things. He also says if me and him love each other enough and my daughter is happy with him then none of the odds should matter but he is family orientated and his family play a big part in his life. What are your opinions?!?

  121. Hannah Says:

    I think the fact that you are reaching out indicates your concerns about the relationship. His family is a big part of his life and you have not met them. Why would he keep them from you or you from them? Something is going on here. I think you have every right to be concerned about this.

  122. Glenn Says:

    Hello,
    I am in a mixed marriage myself and my wife is American. I think you need to meet his family soon, as that is an ultimate test of how important you are in his life. Indians place a big emphasis on family and the family can try to influence him (in good and bad ways). I would hope that he would marry you even if his family objects. In the end, you have to live your life with him and his family has to accept that or the both of you have to be ready to face the fact that you might not have the best relations with them. I really wish you the best. You get one life and should live it fully, not missing out on love when you truly fine it.
    Regards,
    Glenn

  123. Urgent help needed Says:

    He claims he wants to wait until we are certified but why tell someone you love them if your not solid and want to be with that person. It feels like he’s just throwing round the word love and isn’t serious but he acts like he is and that’s what confuses me


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