Us at our 3rd wedding ceremony in Kerala April 2007
Hi, I’m one half of blindian love.. the other half is my husband “M”. This blog is about our lives together as a mixed marriage couple, specifically African American (me) and East Indian (M). We have been married for three years. We have two children (from my previous marriage) and two dogs (one that I’m convinced has a social disorder, lol).
I started this blog to hopefully shoot down some of the common misconceptions people have about relationships like ours and to answer some of the more common questions that people may have about being in an intercultural relationship. Is is always easy? Nope. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
This blog will address everything from life in India to cultural perceptions and marriage in general. I hope you will enjoy what we have to say and that our experience helps you see that relationships like ours can certainly survive.
Hi,
someone just sent me a link to your blog and I love it. I am a Black woman, married to a Spanish man and I blog about all kinds of meltingpot issues over at http://www.myamericanmeltingpot.com. I put a link to your site up today in my post.
Stop by and I’ll def. be checking in again here.
LT
Thanks Lori,
I’m headed over to check out your blog now and will post a link on my site as well. I’m so happy to see people from all cultures loving one another despite societal pressures!
hello i just came across your blog and i am so HAPPY to have found that there is another couple out there like my husband and i. I am african american and my husband is east indian. We have been married 5mths and together 3yrs and we get much sterotypes but we have often wondered if there were any other couples like us out there!
Hello ! I just found your blog.How refreshing.
I had never heard of an IR married Black woman with an Indian man, though I suspect there are more than a few.
I’m a Bollywood nut myself and just 3 days ago I made a list of all the movies I’ve watched… 22 so far in a short time!
Also ,how can I get in touch with you regarding your voice over business?
I wish you and your family all the best.
Hi, I just wanted to say that I love your blog. I found your blog from black female interracial marriage ezine. I go to the ISKON temple in Denver CO. I’m one of a few black females that go to that temple. I love going there. The guys at my temple are so nice. I just wanted to say that I support your blog and hopefully there will be more blindian love out there in the world.
P.S. On Sunday I was given a matrimonial website. Maybe I will get a husband out of the site.
Nakia
Nakia,
Thanks so much for stopping by the blog and leaving a comment! Good luck on your marriage search!
Hello Nakia,
What has your experience been like as an African American going to a Hindu Temple? Would you care to share the matrimonial website with me?
Thanks
Greetings,
So nice to read about an interracial marriage between an AA woman and an East Indian man. The love of my life was a South Indian from Tamil Nadu. I am an AA woman. We could not overcome immigration issues with our governments. We are both Christians. His mother accepted me. Been in love with India ever since. My goal is to find love again from India.
I already commented on one of your blogs but thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us. I’m an AA woman definitely open to dating Indian men but there’s so many stereotypes about Indians and Indian culture so it’s refreshing to hear from someone who is actually living the experience.
Nice to know I’m noþ alone! I’m a black american female engage to marry a indian man who I love very much and have a beautiful relationship with tell me from your experience what challenges lie ahead
Nice blog. I am an Af Am woman and married my Sikh-American husband a couple of months ago. We’re living in the South as well. It’s nice to have stumbled across your blog and I look forward to stopping by again.
Wow! This is encouraging. I am mixed Black and East-Indian but my folks are Jamaican. It’s not uncommon there but in the U.S. it’s strange.It’s good to hear of a relationship in the U.S . between the two.
Hi, thats great, i also loving one east african girl but i dont know the immegration problems, i want to know that . please let me know
I have finally found a blog for people like me. I have been married to a South Tamil Indian for 21 years. It has been hell on wheels and at times great love. I did not know anything about Indian culture or man before I started to date him. I would like to get together to chat, mental health counseling (LOL), and share some good Bollywood movies. Hope to hear from you soon. I was just thinking about starting a blog on the same subject and than I discovered yours. Peace and Blessings
Maria
Maria,
Great to hear from you. It’s always wonderful to hear from new blog readers. Your idea to get together made me think of something.. for those of us within a couple of hours of one another (and those who maybe want to take a side trip), it would be great to do a type of meet and greet or something. I’ll post a blog on it later or anyone interested can email me directly.
Hi there! I’m so happy that I found your blog. I’m a black female married to an Indian man (mother is Tamil/Hindu and his father his from Andara/Christian). We’ve been together a long time, and only married 2 months! It’s been challenging, but our families have been so supportive, and I adore my mother in law…my husband is my very best friend. Anyway…I look forward to reading your posts.
Hiya,
So glad I stumbled unto your site. I’m glad to see more resources out there that focus on intercultural issues and topics.
I just wanted to introduce to Wedding Nouveau, a new style guide for intercultural brides and multi-ethnic weddings. We feature real fusion weddings, inspiration boards and designers dedicated to making culture and global chic accessible and stylish. Since launching in the fall, there’s been an overwhelming response to our content, which confirms my belief that there is a strong global need for stylish and informative resources that deal specifically with multi-ethnic affairs. Anyway, I hope you can check us out.
Thanks again, and spread the love.
–
Spicyhugs,
Fri Bailey
Editor & Creative Director,
Wedding Nouveau
http://www.weddingnouveau.com
follow me on Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/weddingnouveau
become a fan on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wedding-Nouveau/128237609876
hello i am 20 yrs old and i consider myself black and my boyfriend is 22 yrs old and he is half black and pakistiani. I have a problem with our relationship because he hasnt told his father and father side which is pakistan about me because he said they are strict with dating. Also, because i am christian and he is “muslim”. He told me his father would have a problem with me being christian. However, my boyfriend doesnt consider hiself muslim or christian and want him to be christian because we will share a common ground but hes afraid of what his father may think. We are in love and have been going out for two and half years. I would really hate to break up with him becuase im so in love and this religion thing has me confused and going crazy. I didnt go into this relationship ezpecting love it just happend. Please help, i need some form of advice
Clare, I’m going to open your question up to some of the other reads. I want to think for a bit on how best to respond to your issue. I know you probably feel pulled in many different directions. The lovely memebers often have some good advice. I’ll reply soon… promise.
Hi
This is my 3rd time on your blog. I think I will memorize the site name this time. I’m actually an African American Man getting ready to marry an Indian (Gujarati-Jain) American Woman. We met in Starkville, MS and now live on th Mississippi Gulf Coast. I seem to find more AA women with Indian Men than the opposite. Have you noticed this as well? Also, have you seen any AA/Indian interacial children? If you know of any pictures online I’d love to see them. I love the website. It gives me hope because her family (particularly mom, dad, and older relatives) are still learning to deal with our engagement.
Thanks for making this blog,
Cornelius Young
I have blindian kids. I am from Kerala, married to AA man from So Cal. I dont want to post on the internet here but I can tell u the kids have a nice blend. They have more of the Indian hair but it is thicker and their complexion is a little darker than mine. I say they got a nice blend of both of us. Some people dont realize they are half black until they see my husband. Compliments on their looks are plentiful. People stop us on the street to comment. But most of the comments come from whites and blacks, not as much from Indians who are too caught up with the light skin versus dark skin issues.
Even though it has been three years since you guys have tied the knot, may I still extend words of congrats about your marriage
Maybe I’m blind or something, it’s rare that I see Blacks/South Indians. In my lifetime I have been accustomed to seeing Black/White, Black/Asian( Vietnamese, Thai ,Cambodian etc) and sometimes Black/latino( Mexican, Cuban), but rarely do I see Indians and Blacks doing it.
Although I’ve been in a multicultural setting all of my life, I’ve only seen only three of them. The last one that I see was from my school. I was always curious about him not because I wanted to date him( He’s a baby compared to me ). He’s has always been in the company of Black women. Long as I have seen him, I have never seen him with a White , Latino or even an Indian woman for that matter. I wonder that if her ever marries what race his wife would be? IN all honestly, to know him, you would think that it would be with a Black woman, but in case not, it would definately have to be with an Indian woman who has his same class, group and attitude.
When I was younger I would pass by Georgia Tech and see all those cute South Asian/Arab men. Me and my girls would just bee ooing and ahhing about those guys, all of us were doubtful. All we seen was mama and daddy wanting their son to marry a good Indian girl. We just felt that race or Tradition would get in the way of it, but we kept dreaming of being together.
Still, we never know who god may want us to be our husbands/wives( if you’re guys). He could be a black, White, Latino, Native American or South Asian. It’s about about the heart. I’m not looking for any guys of ANY race at this time,but I ‘ve always been open minded and far as I’m concerned a good man can come from any race.
Anony missy,
I’m hooked on AVS( Asian Variety Show) Myself. I would religiously watch it every saturday before they went to Comcast. I have Direct TV, I’m going to see if I can get it with them. Mean while, I’m just going to check out the clips. I miss their movie reviews. The one thing that I admire about their critics is that they are honest with their them. If the movie sucked, they will say such opposed to only getting a select few who will obviously say that the movie was great although they may be lying to themselves about it. I also miss watching some of the oldies( when shown). I don’t know what my television station did, but I’m having an AVS drought as too many dull reality shows are predominating it( Geez!)
Claire,
A Muslim friend of mine told me that Muslim men can marry Christian women, while Muslim women have to marry only Muslim men. I think that you and your boyfriend should talk about where you both want religiously be and get those differences resolves. Far as I’m concerned , Love is unconditional. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be.
I
Ran into your blog through GoriGirl. Congratulations for wonderful married life and being a role model for millions of Indians obssessed with light skin. My BFF is an AA he told me about Fair and Handsome face cream for men in India, I could not believe it. You can sell anything to Indians in the name of light skill and sexual prowess.
This one is for Claire,
To be in love is great but life is long and you are just 20. How do you know this is it? Have you explored around. I do not say your relationship or your guy have a problem. I am just trying to say look around there is so much more in life than being tied to a person at such a young age. Where are you with your education and career? How you both plan to support your household?
If he can’t face his folks today he’ll not stand up for you tomorrow. If they don’t like you today for what ever reasons there are greater chances they’ll not like you in future.
Is he planning to convert for you or he was already contemplating a conversion? If it is for you then when ever you guys will have differences he’ll hang it over you to make you feel guilty. Look what I did for you.
Life is beautiful and love is divine just enjoy both you’ll have many opportunities to discover love.
Best,
http://www.girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com
Hi,
I am an African-American female, married to a Gujarati Indian man. We’ve been married for 2.5 years now and it has been great, but very difficult at times.
Even before our marriage, we’ve lost several school friends and some long time friends due to our relationship. We both had a very mutual college friend (also Gujarati) whom I considered very very good friends with (I’ve asked her to be my bridesmaid), tell my husband (my fiancee at the time) not to marry me because I was black. In another case my husband lost his long time friend of 20+ years because he married me. We can’t seem to be able to find stable friends, even now. People give us looks and snares when we’re in public — especially other Indians. It has become quite gloomy at times but my husband has never ceased to love me unconditionally regardless. He’s an absolute gem and a wonderful supportive husband; I love him dearly. But I often wondering when our relationship with others will thrive again.
I’m wondering if there’s a forum for people who are also in my situation (preferrably black and Indian couples). If anyone knows anything, please let me know. Thanks!
p.s. out of respect for this blog’s author, I will not start the Facebook group if she says no or wants to start it herself.
Hi,
Congratulations on your relationship and thanks for dropping by the blog! I am so sorry to hear that you all lost some of your friends behind your decision to be together. Look at it this way, at least you finally know what’s really in their hearts. It’s sad I’m sure because you probably thought you knew them well. M and I get looks when we are out in public too depending on where we are.. but I got used to stares when we lived in India.. girl, it’s even worst there! I can relate to you and your husband and the lack of friends. M and I are the same way.. M prefers it that way to a sense but… I don’t. It would be nice to have a couple to hang out with on ocassion that can understand the challenges we have as an intercultural couple.
I don’t know of other forums other than the Blindian Network that the other poster mentioned. I used to have a yahoo group but I shut it down due to lack of activity. I do maintain contact with three other blindian couples. The other poster Palak, suggested a facebook page which I think is a WONDERFUL idea. I’ll give more information on that shortly after I communicate with her.
Stay strong and email me.. let me know where you are. If you’re close maybe we can get together at some point.
I chanced upon this site but am really glad I did. I’m of India descent and my wife is a white american, but I’ve dated a black american in the past. I admire you and want to encourage you. If so called friends had/have an issue with your marriage, they were never your friends after all. We live in PA and if you and your spouse lived near by, would have liked to be open to the potential for friendship. We love to travel when we can and experience other cultures and perspectives.
@Glenn
I was just curious about what it was like for you when you dated a black American? Did you find that friends and family were not as accepting as your marriage to a white American? I just wonder if Indians are more accepting of Whites marrying them as opposed to Blacks?
Thanks
Hi Charie,
I’m really fortunate in that my family is very accepting of any race, so I did not have an problems while dating the AA woman. I am a bit of a rebel in my family, in that if I believe in something, I will stand by it even if the whole world things I’m wrong. My wife is also very accepting of other races but it helps that we are both christian (I became a christian while back in India before marriage). My close friend’s sister has married an AA man and he is a good man.
It is really unfortunate that while many Indians don’t like to experience racism, they freely mete it out to blacks. This behavior was quite common among the South Indians on campus (not all South Indians are like this) when i went to school here in the States. I was utterly amazed and saddened by this behavior because these guys were themselves on the dark side. I did not tolerate such tendencies in my presence.
To get back to your question, Indians in general (the ones who are superficial anyway) do have a penchant for a lighter complexion. This is not just with reference to an AA but also in India within the caste system. In general, the higher castes tend to be lighter complexioned. This attitude is less prevalent in cities like Bombay, so if you meet an Indian who grew up in such a place, you would have less of a chance of such behavior.
I hope this answers your question.
Regards..
@AVARIAH I TOO am african american and my husband is from mumbai Indian and we both have the same struggles that you and your spouse are experiencing. it seems hard to get accepted from both sides ..other indians or other blacks. but we love one another and we travel and enjoy each other’s company. Anyone who cant or arent willing to accept that can keep it moving .because it doesnt keep us from being ourselves. we too are looking to meet other couples like ourselves ..i would love to hear back from you
@ Tamera
Welcome. There is a group on Facebook called Blindian Love created by this blogger. It’s a wonderful way to connect with others in your situation and also read about the interaction(s) between Indians and Africans/Blacks.
I am glad that you are not letting others control your relationship and you are moving forward. Have you been to India? It is interesting that many Africans/Blacks have a problem with these relationships too…not just Indians.
Peace
@Charie thanks for the info on the facebook group. I have not been to India as of yet. My husband would really like for me to go and meet his sister. His parents are deceased and he wants me to see his home he still has there and meet friends. But i am not comfortable with the idea of going and feeling unaccepted. while his friends and i get along now there were many things said at the begining of our relationship that makes me feel like i would be uncomfortable going there. so as for right now i have not gone but i have not ruled it out.
Hello,
You will be fine. You will meet people who will not look down on you. My Indian husband do not have many friends, but I am very friendly and socialabe. It would be nice to get together and meet other couple like yourself in person. Where do you live? We can become friends with each other. We are a unique bunch. Reply back.
Maria
Hi Avariah. I am a 30 year-old AA female that has been with a Gujarati man for almost a year now. Recently, after I came back from spending two months in China and Hong Kong, he decided that he wanted to marry me. He even tried to tell his father about me (us) but he kind of just ignored that part of their conversation. God knows I love him, but my biggest problem is with our religious differences. I am Pentecostal and he is Jain. If we get married and have children, where will they go on Sunday morning? How have you dealt with this issue if you have had to at all? Also, I am curious as to whether or not you have given up meat or not.
Hi, what a beautiful blog! I am a 1st gen Indian Gujarati woman and happily engaged to 1st gen Jamaican man. We will finally be tying the knot after 5 years because it took that long for my parents to come to terms. Based on my friends’ experiences and what I see in the bridal blogs/magazines, Inter-racial and inter-faith marriage is on the rise among South Asians. BUT, it appears to be more common between South Asians and white Americans. I’m SO SO glad to have found this site not only for the advice, but also to prove to my parents that we are not the first! For those of us with children or planning to have children, it will be important to show them just how beautiful Blindian Love is. I think it would be great to start a Facebook group so we can all connect. I’d be happy to start it and credit it back to this blog. Please look for it.
Love, Palak
How did u get through it. I am indian and my guy is jamican and my mom found out and made me break up with him but we still see and love each other but now she calls everyday and says horrible things.
p.p.s. there is a blog and facebook group called Blindian Network. it’s from a couple in the UK and sometimes feels a little too MySpace-y for me. i prefer the toned down vibe of this blog, but if you’re looking for a compliment to this blog, check it out.
Palak
How awesome to hear from another blindian couple on the flip side of the coin. I always love hearing from new people. Thanks for the blog love and sharing your experience. I love your idea about starting a facebook page (and your respect for me not to start it without agreement.. that was awesome of you..thank you!) Would you mind emailing me and we can work on it together.. what do you think? I’m looking forward to learning more about you all.
Excellent! I’m happy to help you out in any way that I can. FB might be a nice way to share stories, post pictures (e.g.family celebrations) and ask for advice so that a larger community can weigh in with different perspectives. I didn’t find your e-mail on your site, but I’ve submitted mine through these posts, so feel free to contact me at your convenience.
Also Avariah, just curious, where do you live? I’m in NYC where it’s very common to see mixed couples so my fiance and I have escaped a lot of social stigma (or maybe we just don’t notice it!) One thing that helped us is that over the years we talked A LOT about all of the possible “issues” that could come up in our relationship. For some issues, it was easy to identify a game plan and for other issues (e.g. my parents disowing me) it took a lot of discussion to get to a place where we were comfortable with the outcomes. Ultimately, because our committment to each other is so strong, we decided it was worth taking the next step despite the possible risks. Althought it’s hurtful to lose people you cared about, your marriage is more important than the social connections you lost. For now, lean on any friends or family who do support you and trust that you will build new social connections with more open-minded people in the future…it takes time… and focus on the fact that you each have a best friend in each other. Good luck!
-P
i was just reading the comments about the fb thing what is that called if you have made it yet i would like to join it..or like it.Thanks
Gee , with ” friends” like those who needs enemies?
Like many of the poster on here, I sympathize with you and your husband . It’s unfortunate how the two of you have been treated.No matter how much they and other people may want to justify such prejudice, in my eyes there is no justification with it.
Even though they may not accept your union,it’s their loss. If they cannot see your love for one another then maybe, you both are better off without them.
Hi everyone am a 24yrs old afraican american that is now dating an Indian. We are very fresh in our relationship and am just looking around at ppl that are dating in the same as me. I am so schocked at how we clicked…. I have an degree in psychology and now going for my masters .he has an degree with engeeniering. We do have some disagree that casuse problems one is that my mom wants me to date someone within my race.. am not sure that his family knows about me yet. but i ask about it and he tells me when the time is right then we will tell.. This whole relationship has been different but fun I haven’t had someone like this for awhile…Am opening any advice to anyone about on dating..thanks for the site!!!
I don’t know why people get so shocked when black and south asian people are together, i live in uk, and over here there are alot of west indian and east indian people mixing, so it doesnt come as a shock to people. there are lots of black and east indian couples in the west indies too. i wish you both the best.
this is the best comment I have read so far
you all are disgusting, blacks and south asians do NOT mix, i am indian and when i see this type of racial mixture i want to throw up all over the place, this is nasty
Mary (which is not your real name according to what I’ve found),
You are exactly the kind of person this blog is targeted at. I know many people question why I would put our life in such a public forum to receive feedback like yours. It’s unfortunate that ignorance like yours still exists. You are completely entitled to your opinion but what I will NOT tolerate is you calling me or my family nasty. The very fact that you have so much hate within you when you see relationships like mine and my husband’s that you want to throw up, speaks volumes about you, your upbringing and your future. I do hope that in all the throwing up all over the place that you’ve done, that you managed to throw up some of the ignorance, hate and meanness within you as well.
It is a pity you are so narrow-minded. You miss the better things in life. You should not even be reading this if you are so averse to it!What is this masochism?
Mary
you are whats nasty, I wouldnt even throw up on you.
Its inbred, racist, ignorant, ugly people like you that give rise to intoelrance and hate in society. you are such a loser. Get a life.
Mary,
I am an Indian too who believes in centuries old concept of “Vasudhaiv kutumbkam, ” all world is a family. What a shame that you never heard about this concept. Please don’t call your self an Indian it is a shame for all of us who are proud of our Indian origins.
Peace to you.
Hi, i am a 25 yr old indian woman who is engaged to a west indian black man in the U.K. We have been together 5 years and my parents highly dissaproved when they recently found out. I have been given a choice….whether to choose them or my partner. If i choose my partner, i will be disowned and my family told me never to look back if our relationship doesn’t work in the future. I am in a really big mess right now and i do want to be with my partner. I also love my family very much and worry about their health, as it has deteriorated. Unfortunately, i do understand their point of view as to them it seems like i have betrayed them, and they think about things like what will society think, how will they cope, what will people say about them, etc….and have realised that no care has been shown towards my feelings.
I am in the exact same boat. Im glad Im not alone. Its hard and still don’t know what to do. My mom means alot to me but so does my boyfriend.
i think they should be happy that you found love im orry this is happening to you someone who i fell for who is indian must be going through the same thing.i hope everything works out
@ Nimisha
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It really seems like you are torn between two loves, your family and partner. It sounds like your family is concerned about what others will think and how they will be viewed by society. Perhaps, you could gently show them examples of other couples in your situation who have made it. Do you know any other couples? You can reassure your family that though there is discrmination the world is becoming more tolerant. In the end the decision you make you have to live with. You are an adult who has to create a life that you can live. Time is the best healing medicine. Your family loves you, in time, they will come around.
@Glenn
Thanks, Your response was very insightful.
Nimisha: Be strong. Your parents have already chosen their lives. They did not ask you for any opinion.
Follow your heart. They will come around when they see you are steadfast. People prefer strength to weakness.
Hey yol,I’m half black+half coloured(coloured) and am from South Africa.Now you know that people over here are still just getting used to change and mixture between people of different races.My gf is Indian and it’s quite a thing cuz people stare and aks stupid questions like how she feels in Bed but anyways i just wanted to say that i’m glad yol are making it happen cuz of true feelings.Please mail me on my address and who knows maybe we’ll all one day be friends.How old are yol if you don’t mind me aksing
I just came upon this site a few days ago and also wanted to comment. I am an Indian-American female (27 yrs old) and I’ve been in a relationship with an African-American male for 5 years. We are now at a place where we both feel we should know how we are going to proceed (marriage or not, even if we don’t get engaged right away), but I am still very torn. It is helpful to have this community of couples just like us, but I have been in a place of internal conflict and sadness for so long over this.
I know only I can know if it is worth it to me, so I have long stopped trying to see who feels it can work and who feels it cannot. Still, the biggest thing I struggle with is going through the process of deciding I can handle the hardships of an intercultural relationship while my parents remain against me. It is not a matter of what they THINK of me, rather they are my parents and I need their love and support. When we began our relationship, I was 22, and had the attitude of “Who cares what they think? I have to do what I want!” But unfortunately, life has taught me that (and many of the comments here have echoed this), friends will come and go and I need my family. I need their guidance as I figure out if I can deal with the differences.
It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together (especially with him coming from a single-parent home and a history of “broken” families). I worry a lot about the future even though I know we have a lot of love and mutual respect.
I am not sure what I am looking for out of adding my comment… I guess I just wanted to share my story
Hi,
I’m so glad that you shared your story. It’s always good to see different sides of what is virtually the same picture. I have to say one of the most poignant statements in your post was the phrase “It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together” I think it clearly summarizes the way arranged marriages versus “love” marriages are viewed in Indian society.
I wish you love, happiness and peace. It seems as though you have a good head on your shoulders to make the decisions that will bring you to the place you feel you need to be most. You’ve inspired me to make a post today. When I read your words, it had such a sense of matter-of-factness and resignation to it. Yet, there was underlying hope.
Thank you for stopping by the blog. I’m sending you big hugs!
@ brown
I am very touched by your sharing. Clearly you are torn between your parents expectations and your own hearts desire. This happens to many people for different reasons. For example, Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Muslims, Blacks and Whites…the list goes on and on. Romeo and Juliet was about familial disapproval of their love. At times like this I look for what true love really is or rather how someone who loves , who really loves, reacts to the basic human right to choose. Real love is patient, kind, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. So, one must decide what is true and real love will be there. It does not have to agree with the choice, like it or approve. But real love must be kind and love the person. From what I know from others who have been in a similar situation…the disapproving family comes around…eventually!!! For they love their children. An Indian friend once told me…” Indian parents do not stay away from their children—forever!!!
Peace
Thanks so much for your response.
Regarding what you were saying about arranged marriages versus love marriages, I find it interesting to think of that theme as well. Having been raised in the US by what I always felt were very progressive Indian parents (in other ways obviously), I was given the message growing up that who I married would be my choice. But now I see that my choice is only acceptable if the man is essentially who they would have chosen for me in an arranged marriage. It’s so sad. I don’t want to give up – I told my dad (who is more open) that it would be really stupid for this to end just because of my mother, that she needs to give me the space to decide on my own what is best for me. But even with my desire to stand up to her, this situation has very much beat me down. To have this conversation with my dad after 5 years and have it be unchanged is heartbreaking to me. What advice does anyone have for those of us who face not only negative reactions from our families, but staunch opposition to the point where a parent is threatening to stop being a part of your life? I worry that my sadness over how unfair of a choice this is will impact the happiness of our relationship and likely already has…
I appreciate any thoughts! (Also, Blindian, if you have an email address for these types of conversations, I’d love to chat more.)
@brown
I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 1st generation Indian American (Gujarati/Hindu, 24 years old). I am dating a black man (28 years old). We met in graduate school. I really love my family and respect them. I know how it feels to be torn and sad about the situation.
I too wonder whether I can handle the reaction my family will have. Will I be able to handle family choosing not to be a part of my life? Part of me does get that “I do not care what other people think” sort of attitude sometimes. But when it comes to family- you do care. And more importantly, you want them to be there in the future. They give me so much support. But I also feel strongly about the man I am with.
Then there is the part of me that enjoys being me. I do not want to pretend to date or be with someone Indian to please others. I like to think that I really look at people based off their personalities. In following my family, I would not feel true to myself.
Is Indian culture that incompatible with letting anybody else in? I wonder if the culture will always hold on so tightly to their ideals/ values- even as the outside world changes.
I wish you luck in dealing with all of these emotions. I know how consuming they can become. You are right, in that, only you know what truly is the right decision. However, know that life has a funny way of making things seem okay over time. Time heals all.
Take care!
Oh! I love Kerala! God’s own country, no?! Your blog is lovely. So thoughtful and intelligent.
Best wishes! Kelly
Hi,
I am so glad that I have found your blog. I am a AA american married to a Indian. We have been married almost 5 years now. Our 5th anniversary is next month. We have a beautiful 19 month son. It is so great to see that there are other couples out there like us.
Hello Blindianlove
How are you. This is Maria Sekar, I have not talk with you in a very long time. I have been to the blog to read it several times. It would be nice to get people together that live in the same location. We can develop friendships and our own unique family. I am the african american female married to the indian tamil guy for 22 years. Wow… LOL. Peace and Blessings to all. I will participate more often…. You blog is really filling a niche….
Hello! I love your blog! Sometimes people assume that Black on White love is the only type of Interracial love there is. You’re very blessed to be so very happy!
You should check out my interracial relationships forum at http://www.milkandmocha.com. Right now it is a predominately Black woman White man community and I am trying very hard to change that. I would love a diverse crowd of people from different experiences to share in the love on our forums.
Thanks for all that you do!
Necie R
I hope u can email me back. I an indian woman dating a black man and we have been keeping our relationship a secret until recently. my mom found out and doesnt agree and told me to break up with him and now is controlling my life. My love and I broke up but still love each other and act like a couple. How do I face this situation? U guys give me hope.
Adititi,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I do hope you all are able to find some middle ground. Email me directly please. I’d like to connect you with some Indian women I know who have been in similar situations. One has been married to her guy for 20 years now. There is hope.
How do I email u directly
Hi Blindian – I am trying to post my comment since yesterday but for some reason I dont see it here. Are there any technical issues that you know of?
By the way congrats on following your heart!
Hi Geshu, You have one post up asking about meeting other couples in NY. Was there another post that perhaps I don’t see? Thanks for the blog love!
i kid you not, this is EXACTLY what i had to go through. im indian and my boyfriend is black.. and when my mom found out she said the SAME thing. and i did break up with him, and we continued to love eachother and act like a couple.. soo eventually we just got back together; if u really love someone, u dont let anyone stand in the way. and thats how i saw things. ive never been the type of girl to run around dating multipul guys [obviously being indian, it doesnt work out so well sometimes..] but ive liked this guy that im with for 5 years now? been dating for 2 years. and we’ve gone through so much with our parents that i think we’re just not listening anymore, and oddly, my parents as well as his, have come to let it go. . I know u posted this over a year ago, soo i hope it all went well.
Hello everyone:
To those who have been asking on whether or not there are any groups on facebook devoted to Indian women and black men, or Indian men and black women, the answer is yes:
Desi/South Asian Girls and Black Guys:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=63004266224&ref=ts
Asian Indian/Other Interracial Love:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=4555771071&ref=ts
East Indian Guys and Black Girls:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=66064550511&ref=ts
Each group has only a couple of hundred members, but that can be largely attributed to the relative openness of Facebook’s platform, by which I mean: everyone who joins such groups has a profile picture plastered up there. If you are still on the fence about the world knowing you are in love with a person of another race, you might be reluctant to join such a group. (Also being targeted by trolls who leave negative, sexist or even racist comments up on their profiles, or on the Walls of such groups, is not everyone’s cup of tea.) As an admin for a couple of these groups, I know how many Facebook private messages I get from people who tell me that they support what we’re doing but they don’t want to “come out of the closet” (as it were) just yet, because of what their family would think. The majority of such messages come from desi girls, in my experience — desi guys who date outside don’t join the groups largely because they think “who cares? I don’t need to proclaim my relationship choice to the world, it’s not a big deal”.
That said, a Facebook group devoted to married Blindian couples and their supporters, would definitely be welcomed by me. There’s a number of them devoted to blasian couples/families and blasian relationships in general, such as:
Blasian Island!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=117744108046&ref=ts
Black Asian Families with Children
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=39003228516&ref=ts
black and Asian couples
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=58345160693&ref=ts
but to have one exclusively devoted to blindian couples/families, would be ideal. So please let me know!
Hi Eddie, Check out blindianlove couples on Facebook. Several Blindian couples out there. Here’s the link http://www.facebook.com/?sk=2361831622#!/group.php?gid=258743833609. It’s been very slow but it would be awesome to get a group of active members together.
Any couples who live in NYC/NJ area. We would love to meet you guys.
Hi Blindian – I was trying to post my story but it wouldn’t post. I have a blog as well for our story http://colourblindlove.blogspot.com/ please do visit.
Its pretty new. We just got married in July 2010. I am an indian girl born n brought up in India and I managed to marry my husband who is from Senegal, West Africa. Not only that – he is a muslim and me a hindu! It was a struggle!
usually for indian girls it is more difficult to go against the society and family as we are easily emotionally blackmailed. We hope men/women (especially women) can get inspired to follow their true love. Please contact if you want to connect.
this is exactly what im going through
im and indian dating a black guy, and lets just say, its been the most dramatic and problem causing thing for the past 2 years. :/
My sister has just told my parents about her black bf – she has told my dad she wishes to marry him – my dad said he cannot come to the house but he will pay for the wedding. My dad is punjabi jat sikh and has mellowed over the past 20 years. we are 5 sisters and two of us have done the right thing by my parents – we both married in our community – my others 3 younger sisters all have bf – 2 have white and middle has black bf.
i know my sister will be happy with her bf – my dad did slowly accept her last bf(who was white) and invited him over for xmas meal. i have told her to be patient and give my dad time. my mum -bless her – is happy for my sister but still has her own personal views and opinions and would have prefered my sister had bf from sikh indian family.
i found this site and found it helpful in getting views of others in her situation. will tell my sister and her bf about it. thank you for all sharing your life stories. x
Kam-
It is encouraging to know that your dad has changed over time. Do you think your dad is more open to your sisters dating/marrying a white man as opposed to a black man?
Thank you so much for your blog… I am a south asian woman of punjabi descent but was born/grew up in the US – into a 4 yr relationship with an african american man, and we are definitely considering marriage – I just came back from a hard visit home to talk to my parents about our relationship… who feel like I am rejecting them, my family & my culture by marrying outside of my race… I think they feel like somehow they failed in raising me with “indian values” because of who I love, even though I have tried to explain to them that my boyfriend and I are attracted to each other because both of us are proud of our cultures, proud of being brown/black, proud of the histories of our communities in fighting against racism/colonialism, etc. We feel like we can draw on the strengths of both cultures instead of “selling out” from each of our own. But it feels hard, when I know ppl in my community might reject me/my kids for this – especially when I already struggle with connecting to south asia being the daughter of immigrants in the US. Besides the struggle of knowing my choices hurt my parents who I love a lot, I worry about hundreds of things like will people be racist towards my boyfriend in India, will Black women think I’m stealing a “good Black man”, will my extended relatives ban me from family events cuz I will “negatively influence” my younger cousins, and will my boyfriend’s mom will judge me if I have to learn how to do my kid’s hair! It makes me feel less lonely to read this blog – and your experiences really made me think – is it just tougher for women all the way round? It seems like everyone freaks out more when the daughter marries out of race than the son. Sorry for the long rant – feels nice to know there are ppl out there struggling w/same issues! Thanks again for creating this space!
Soniya,
Thank you for reaching out and reading the blog. I understand completely the concerns you have and I’m pretty sure that as an Indian woman, the pressure is even worst on you. You have very valid concerns but at some point, you’ll realize that in order to love and live wholly you have to shut the outside world out. Please email me if you’d like to remain in touch.
I totally understand your struggle. I have lived the same situation as you are living now with your parents and your dilemma. I am myself married to AA for past 10 years and have 2 beautiful kids. We live happily together in our own little world since we do get scrutinized by my family as well as my husband’s family for being “different” to the norms. However, I believe as long as you both are in love and can handle these “negative attitudes”, you will be fine. We are still in love as the first day we met despite all the “interesting” moments we have survived. So hang in there.
Hello
I’m so glad I found your site..I didn’t know of anyone to talk to about my relationship with a Punjabi Indian man..So maybe you can help me…I have been talking this my boyfriend for w couple of months..I didn’t think that we would ever come to this because of his culture…Well just the other night surprised me and ask me to marry him..Now I know that I can’t because of his family ..So tongiht I was talking to him and he told me the real reason that his family want except me..I thought it was because I’m a African American felmale..He said no it because of our age different..He is much younger than me..So I see where there can be a problem with his family..But he wants to give it all up for me..What should I do….
I love this site.Because I have so many questions that I need help with..My name is DeLisa and I have been talking to a punjabi man for 3 months now..We started off as friends but it turned into more..I am much older than he is but he doesnt have a problem with that..He says that he will go back to India and let his parents know about us..My question is should I let him do that knowing that is parents are going to be against our relationship.Or should I let him and see what happens..Please I need your help..
I’m a South Indian Hindu Tamilian/Dravidian man & am fascinated by these “Blindian (hearing this term for the first time)”. I am dark skinned & to be precise brown skinned. Unfortunately some of my fellow Indians are THE BIGGEST RACISTS’ in this world. These people can’t fucking differentiate between the colours pink, white, yellow (wheatish), black and brown. A Caucasian folk who is pink like a flamingo is unfortunately called white in this world. Similarly my racist fellow Indians like to paint the entire Southern India as blacks, their rationale being that South Indians are dark skinned, these bastards are so colourblind that if Akon and I were to stand in front of them they would fail to recognize the colours black and brown. I find that South Indians/Dravidians are almost similar in looks leaving apart the facial traits that distinguish them, both have a past of discrimination for being dark. Coming to “Blindian”, I find women to be good looking irrespective of Race, Religion, Region, Language & Ethnicity. I wonder what some racist Indians would say about Kamala Harris, her mother is a South Indian Tamilian Hindu and father an African man. People the world over have been equals since inception because there is nothing that one human can do & another not. I’d love to date an African/Black woman & move ahead if things work well.
hhaha omg. this made me laugh soo hard. you have a point; indians can be racist against other indians tooO!!! i think my family is mainly from south/centralish.. but i have light/medium color so i dont have that problem. but even in school and stuff, people think im black?! like im not that dark but people can be so freaking stupid. Im currently dating a black guy, and at first i was hesitent since its looked down upon in the indian culture, but i couldnt be any happier.
i hope u find someone great 
I’m a South Indian Hindu Tamilian/Dravidian man & its unfortunate that som eIndians are THE BIGGEST RACISTS’ ASSHOLES THAT THEY COULD GIVE THE LIKES KU KLUX KLAN & COMBAT18 A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY, ARE COLOURBLIND & CANT FUCKING DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THE COLOURS BLACK, BROWN, YELLOW, WHEATISH, PINK & WHITE. I find South Indians almost similar to Africans/Blacks in skin colour except the hair type and facial traits. It’s been a practice among so called “FAIR” idiots in India to paint the entire South of India as “KAALA”/BLACK when these idiots themselves apply generous amount of “LIGHTENING”, “GLOWING” “fairness” creams and are like a weird creature with white face and dark & brown skin colour. I see that South Indians & Africans have suffered due to discrimination based on their dark skin. I’m looking forward to have a relationship with a Black woman
I’m a South Indian Hindu Tamilian/Dravidian man & am fascinated by these “Blindian (hearing this term for the first time)”. I am dark skinned & to be precise brown skinned. Unfortunately some of my fellow Indians are THE BIGGEST RACISTS’ in this world. These people can’t fucking differentiate between the colours pink, white, yellow (wheatish), black and brown. A Caucasian folk who is pink like a flamingo is unfortunately called white in this world. Similarly my racist fellow Indians like to paint the entire Southern India as blacks, their rationale being that South Indians are dark skinned, these bastards are so colourblind that if Akon and I were to stand in front of them they would fail to recognize the colours black and brown.
Hi,
I’m American of Indian descent but grew up in Bombay. My wife is white-american, but I’ve dated blacks prior to my marriage. I have friends from a variety of races, and find it to be a great avenue to broaden my perspectives.
I find what you say to be very true. The lighter Indians practise wholesale discrimination against South Indians/Keralites, etc. But, when they face discrimination, starting protesting about racism. When I attended school (here in America), I was also startled to find some South Indians making very derogatory remarks about blacks. The irony of it all was that these guys were as dark/more darker than blacks. In general, there is a lot of open discrimination in India, especially within the caste system. My wife does not like the fact that she is treated special when we visit India, just because of the Indian obsession with a fair complexion.
So, I really sympathize with what you mention. One of my close friends is South Indian, so I know what you mean.
Regards.
I am so glad to find your blog. I am an African-American woman who just married my North Indian husband this past December
@ Veda
Congrats on your marriage and welcome to the blog. blindianlove is also a group on Facebook. Feel free to join.
How did his family treat you? And how about your family?
Congrats! I’m so happy. I was browsing and came across your blog; wonderful…. I’m also African American/West Indian decent and my hubby is Pakistani (Punjabi). We have 4 beautiful children and I love being married into a South Asian family. My in-laws are good to me and have helped me along the way. My sister-in-law have been teaching me Urdu from the beginning (a must for communicating with Ma g), but my Ba g(father-in-law) always speak to me in Punjab, so they try to teach me a little here and a little there of both. I feel that Urdu is easier. I am a Muslim(re-vert) and was before I married my husband. My marriage was semi-arranged so that alone was an experience, but I would never change any moment of my life. May GOD continue to bless you and your family. Thanks for creating this blog….
@ aasiya-
blindian love is on Facebook. Feel free to join.
I am happy to say your website has been chosen for http://www.interesting-blogs.info . Your blog is now featuring on our ‘must read’ blogs list.
Hello, I am an African-American woman married to an Indian man from Kerala. We will have been married for 4 years this summer of 2011. I am so excited and find it absolutely refreshing to see that there are others out there like us! I love it!
Blindian!!!! Woot wooot!!! We’re a blindian couple too…I’m from Kerala and he’s black! =) We also call ourselves blindian so we were pleasantly surpised to find your blog.
“The life and love we create is the life and love we live.” Leo Buscaglia
As an african american female, I find it difficult to meet an Indian man. I live in the southern party of the country. I get many flirty stares but very few approaches. I am open to dating men from the indian culture.
Don’t give up hope. I’m in the deep south and I managed. There’s also another blog reader who lived in Alabama and met her Indian husband.
What is the best way to meet an Indian man that will seriously date an aaf. I have met a couple but sadly, they only had one agenda…fun (if you know what i mean).
Hi,
I used to live in Louisiana. Most Indian men are not used to dating as in the American culture. So, unless they grew up in a big city like Bombay, would be hesitant to approach an American woman,even though they might really want to. So, perhaps you might have to be the one initiating. Maybe you could smile and introduce your self on the first initiation. Then perhaps ask him out for coffee and a chat. I know that when I was single, if I was approached like this, I would respond if I was interested.
I’m of Indian descent who grew up in Bombay and my wife is American. We have a rich marriage culture, and have to make some cultural adjustments. We love each other dearly.
Regards and I hope you meet right one.
-Glenn.
Thanks Glenn. You have helped me put things into perspective. Dating in the American culture is a difference I have not given much thought to. I work in the medical field and work with many people especially indian men. I usually do not approach men, but I can give it a try.
I am a product of blindian love, never knew it had a name.
Hi, just love ur blog, Iam 26, nd Iam in love with that Indian guys from Munbai. But Iam just afraid to love him too much, and nothing will happen at the end. Indian people do have many culture, nd only married between them. Should I give up or fight…………
hi,
Just discover ur blog, love it. I recently been on a cruise, nd I met this cute Indian guys from Mumbai, Iam black nd never in my life I though I will be attracted to an Indian man. The feelings between him nd I are the same, but Iam just afraid of what people are going to think about our relationship, especially from is own culture, which I know that is very difficult to accept other people if not Indian, I do not want to be hurt, so I keep pushing him away.
you should totally give it a chance. I have been married for 1yr 1/2 to a wonderful indian man from Mumbai and even though it doesnt happen frequently there are many many indians married to african americans or just people outside their race. there is a lovely group on facebook called blindian love or blindian couples and you will be amazed at how many people are in our group ..i was so happy to see that we werent the only ones, and in the begining of the relationship, i was definately nervous about what could happen but i chose to follow my heart and it worked out. If the two of you love each other than it is worth fighting for. It can definately be challenging when it comes to the opinion of others, however if you feel like you have a connection with this guy ..i think you should go for it. I thought that no one would accept me either but soon realized that they would come around. Many indians only know the stereotypes about americans in general and so they judge us and vice versus but once they see you are truly a good person and mean know harm then they will come around and if they dont you have to follow your heart and realize that you cant please everyone. I wish you the best of luck and remember somethings in life are worth fighting for.
Thanks for the FB group shoutout Mrs. Nazareth!
I’m now in my 7th year with my husband whos parents are from Kerala. We just had a baby girl, we get each other. It is possible once you look at the soul. It does help that his parents are so damn cool. I love my in laws so much their in loves to me!!
Hi,
I am an East Indian man married to an American and now live in Milwaukee, WI. I like your blog and also comments by the readers who all had various interactions with east Indians or with Indian culture. Having lived in the US for the past 8 years I try to answer some social anomalies in India, Below is one such attempt at explaining the lack of social dancing in India. I hope you and your readers find it an interesting read.
Hi,
I am an East Indian man married to an American and now live in Milwaukee, WI. I like your blog and also comments by the readers who all had various interactions with east Indians or with Indian culture. Having lived in the US for the past 8 years I try to answer some social anomalies in India, Below is one such attempt at explaining the lack of social dancing in India. I hope you and your readers find it an interesting read.
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B8Cp-msntk8cOWIzNTgxMzctNTJjMi00NmUzLTg3YzEtNzc0MDdmOTVjNTZi&hl=en_US
Hi! This was a really good read! I don’t know how I missed this before. Do you mind if I share this with member of the FB group? There was just a discussion a few weeks back about learning bhangra.
Thanks a bunch for appreciating my article on Social Dancing. Based on encouragement from readers like you I have started my own blog at http://knowrealindia.wordpress.com/
Please visit and let me know what you think of the same.
As for your question! Yes, Please feel free to share this doc or better still the blog link with your FB group and also inform me of what their comments are. Do add me on FB if you would like to stay connected and know more about India, Caste System and Dr. Ambedkar!
Thanks,
Sidd Valicharla
Hello. Your document about social dancing, and the caste system in India is very enlightening. I also started watching “India Untouched,” the You Tube movie you recommended. My boyfriend is from Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu. He is 29 years old, and we met in Amsterdam while we are both working here on temporary contracts, both due to complete mid 2012. Before he came to Europe, he had moved to Mumbai and to Singapore to work, so he is quite non-traditional. We fell in love the moment we met and have been inseparable ever since, for over 8 months. I am an American woman, 42 years old (though everyone thinks I look 32/33), and my boyfriend looks in his early thirties so when people see us together, they never give it a second glance. I am divorced without children. His parents had expected him to have an arranged marriage, though he told them he would find his own wife. He was raised by his grandmother because of the conflicts between he and his father, though he visited his mother/father/brother frequently in his youth. We are both educated; he is a computer engineer and I am a professional fundraiser for non-profit organizations around the globe. He was raised Hindu and me Catholic, and now we practice neither and live more along the Buddhist/ecumenical path.
This past weekend my boyfriend flew back to India for Diwali and for short vacation. He said he will tell his family about me face to face. He said he could not bring me with him until they know, understand and try to accept his decision. It hurt me at first that I was unable to go with him. One of my friends whose family is Punjabi (her father is Indian/her mother American), said that he needs to “step up” to his family and tell them about me and bring me with him. Every situation is different, and I believe he is doing the right thing. He has a heavy heart about this, and I want him to have his family’s support and love. As I’ve never been to India yet, I have little comprehension about the culture even though I try to read alot and watch the documentaries to learn. When you visit a place, then you know so much better.
Before I met him, I was making my plan for a sabbatical to India for 1 to 3 months to study Ayurveda and practice yoga. In my former position, I had worked with the Sisters of Mercy (Mother Teresa’s order) to raise funding/publish their materials, in Calcultta, and I wanted to visit there and volunteer with them.
He has been to the USA with me in July and has met my family and friends in New York/Massachusetts, and he really loved the experience to be there with me. Of course, my social circle to whom I am very close, was extremely open and welcoming to him and made him feel part of us immediately. He is open to moving to the USA to pursue further studies, though eventually I think he would like to go back to India or at least travel between the two continents if we can make that financially feasible. He still wants to provide a home and sustenance for his parents. He is a good man, an old soul, and I love him very much.
I write to you because it seems you have a keen perspective as a man in an interracial marriage, and also I wondered if you could ask your wife to write to me about her experience to be married with a man from India if that is not asking too much.
My email is stephanie227@live.com.
Thank you. Namaste.
Stephie
Hi …
Thanks for liking my doc on Social Dancing and informing me about your situation. I will pass on your request to my wife to write to you and share her experiences.
Meanwhile please do visit my blog that I have started at http://knowrealindia.wordpress.com/ and if you have a FB account please add me so we can stay in touch.
Thanks,
Sidd Valicharla
Life is a chance.You will never know until you know his stance on it. If he wants to be with you , let him make the first move , then take it from there. Anytime you’re in a mixed relationship of any sort, you will always have your supporters and critics.In case your attraction becomes the real deal, you both will have to be strong for each other if you just come across some anti-IR people. If you come across people who are in long term mixed marriages/relationships , they will tell you the ups and downs being in a relationship/marriage,but they have so much love for each other that they still want to be connected.Even if you both married people of your own background,it would be the same way,but you will have to able to muster the strength to stand your grounds.That is what love is about.
PS. I thin about what you said, how you’re trying shooing the man. I’m not going to pretend that I’m a psychic,but everytime I hear people doing this, they end up being with them. I’m not saying/saying that it will end up being that way,but if it’s meant to be, it would be a nice story to tell.
i think this is sooo cute. im sort of in the same situation. my boyfriend is african american. and my parents are from south/central india.. its definitly not easy dealing with this culturally. My boyfriends parents are worried that my parents will not accept him in my family….yet my mom said i can marry whoever i want. she just doesnt like HIS parents…[they're sports coaches, so of course theres gonna be problems here and there]
any tips? we’re not going to get married for a while of course.. like another 7-10 years. but i think this page/blog is super cute.
This page is wonderful and cool i have it as a favorite !!!!!!
im 21 years old and currently in college and my Indian friend in 24 years old
and im interested in him, we work together and go to college together so we see each other often
and we communicate and go out together too
but i am not sure what to think of his gestures.. i think he is just being polite but im not sure. i dont want to ask b/c i dnt want to make things awkward at school or work…
any suggestions on what to do?
hi Ashley,
My wife is an American and I met her after I finished with school here.
Having grown up in India, you are right in assuming that he could just be being polite. But he could also be interested and just not know how to bring it up. Especially because in many parts of India (especially the South) it is considered too forward for to bring this up explicitly. If I lived (PA) where you lived, i would not mind being introduced to him and hence bringing it up with him to help you out
.
Since you meet often, perhaps you could mention that in this culture when a man and women spend a lot of time together, it is not unreasonable to bring up this matter. Or maybe mention that you would be open to more than a friendship just so as to give him a way out and preserve the relationship regardless. I know that this is no easy solution. I hope this helps.
Regards,
Glenn
hello Glenn
thanks so much for the advice
maybe the next time we hang out, i will mention it, we can talk about anything and everything. so this topic would not be any different ( i hope)…
thanks again
Ashley
Just checking in again to see if there are any new comments in the Blindian community!
I just found your blog. It is very cool. I am living in India for year and while I’m not in a relationship or trying to date, I can relate to alot of what you’ve said (I’ve read alot of you posts) about life especially as a BF in India. It was heartening for me to know that others have felt like I do about some of the everyday things you have talked about.
Stay blessed.
NJB
Hi, I like your blog. Would like to know how you’re doing now and what are the ages of you and your husband?
I met her before 4 months,She’s african while I’m an Indian,If i see the reality I dont need that girl,because First my culture doesn’t allow me,second I’m a handsome guy with a nice money in pocket(as explained by my other GF before)So i can get many girls,Beside all these I didn’t know when exactly it happened I fell in love for that girl & that’s not the ending now I came back to India after15 months but It seems like my life is on its end,passing a single second is like a year for me,only one thing I have started which I never did in my life is crying,I never prayed but morning to evening I’m praying ,I want to go back to see her but it’s not possible,since my project is finished,It seems like my life is just finished & now nothing else is left,
Your story is heartbreaking but I have one question. Would you rather live the remainder of your life in happiness or wishing for what could have been? Planes fly each way each day and if you’re missing her so much why not reach out to her and see where it goes? Matters of the heart don’t have anything to do with looks or money. If it did, you could look in the mirror or reach in your pockets to make this pain you’re feeling of being away from her go away.
I dont know which country u belongs,but i guess u dont know about Indian culture,Of course i hate it now in this situation but will have to follow it,Obviously i’ll go to see her but that will be a period of time not for my complete life,i want & need her for my life which is not possible in my environment.I explained about look & money because before it ,it was my thinking that i dont need one Girl, i can get many more (luckily i realized it very soon that i was wrong),but seriously i cant write everything here but for me only one thing has changed ,I’ve lost my smile
Rt i just read your story and i am so sorry for you. I pray that it works out for you. My husband is Indian and is from Mumbai. He came here to the U.S 5yrs ago. I am african american and he too faced many of the same challenges that you do now, but he never gave up and after a long distance relationship for a year, it worked out and we are happily married. IT can be done ..dont lose faith..and where there is a will there is a way.
I just came across your website and Kudos to you. I have a similar relationship, I’m a black american women with Gujarati hindu man, now going on six years. I don’t see myself as black in the sense of a black culture. I am now culturely Indian, I cook on a regular basis indian food, watch indian tv, etc. As with a lot of African American women, my ancestry is mixed. (a French, African, Native American blend) I can blend in with several cultures including, Mexican, South Asian with no problems. But no I don’t have staight hair down to my waist or my knees which is what people think of as being a indian women.
My experience has been that india is a land of varied skin shades, body types, even hair that I feel I’m accepted more there than I am in American Culture. America wants to still put a label on separation of culture or race. Not be be discriminatory, but we still have a long way to go in race relationships and understanding that being white, black, asian, is not about culture. Being of a certain race doesn’t mean you have adopted one type of culture over another or you have to look homogenous with everyone of the same race.
Look forward to reading your blog. Thanks again.
I am Black , From south America Living in America , After a fail Marriage I met an Indian Guy In New York , Over 3 years ago, we have been married for over a year, We are like best friends My girls call him Dad since he is an Engineer that works in the Energy Industry , we move to Fl where people look at us Strange and we look at then back and smile,We have a grate life at this time we are going to Move to Houston TX, since my Husband has a grate job offer there , His mom and I are very good Friends she sees my kids as her grand kids since she has non she visit us all the time , His dad however did not want him to marry me my husband do not talk to him. Other than that we have grate friends and best of all we are happy.
Gabbybella28,
It’s great that your MIL has accepted you and the kids. It makes things so much easier. Hopefully your father-in-law will come around soon.
I stumbled upon your blog, and I must say you give me hope. I’m a young Afro-Caribbean woman in a serious relationship with a Marathi Indian man from Pune. Although we have yet to encounter hostile racism, our family and friends alike (while they have been more than accepting of us as individuals and a couple) have raised concerns as to how our cultures will meld into one cohesive relationship, especially in terms of religion. I plan on linking them to this blog as further proof that it is indeed possible for our relationship to not only survive, but flourish.
Please, oh PLEASE keep sharing your experiences!
Thanks Blujay… melding cultures isn’t always easy but once you guys find your own rhythm, it becomes much easier. It’s almost six years in for me and M and still sometimes find that we have to adjust our “dance” so to speak. However, once we do, life is good. Thanks so much the blog love.
Hello:) i am a 18 year old african american girl and i am currently in school and trying to find a job.The reason why i am contacting you is because i am completely head over heels with this indian guy.i know we are young but i just know in my heart he is right.we are starting to get to know each other but we still feel very strongly about us.Right now we are having a relationship secretly with letters and all that because we know his mom will not like him being with me.I just don’t know what i can do to get her to like me…Any Suggestions?
Hi Brianna,
My advice is to just be yourself! You can’t force someone to like you. However, sneaking around isn’t good either. At this point, it’s speculation on both your and your boyfriend’s part that his mom won’t like you. Why not find out for sure how she will feel…Perhaps you could get him to introduce you to his mom so you know for sure. You never know… she may meet you and really like you.
thank you i see her alot at their family owned store and we don’t really talk about anything..she knows how i feel about him and i know that she does not like it..its hard
Hi there!
My mom is Black and Hispanic and my dad is East Indian and I struggle with my interracial identity sometimes. I found your blog and you’ve given me hope! Thanks for being so strong!
- A
Wow this blog is so refreshing! I’m a black female and my boyfriend is south Indian, we are so crazy about each other. I have 1 child from a previous marriage. This is a 1st blindian relationship for both of us and were having a blast!!!! He’s the most kind, respectful and adoring man I’ve ever met. People stare all the time when we are out. I don’t really care and neither does he. Most of the time people stare when my daughter is with us. I guess they are trying to figure out if she’s his or not(her father is black). But I will be keeping up with your blog! Thanks, I truly needed this!!!
hello. i know of no one to ask this of so i’m starting here and maybe you and your husband can address my concern. a relative of a close friend has dated and was engaged to an indian man for approximately a year. my friend’s relative I’m told for lack of a better word is extremely ghetto so the relationship (or attraction) has always been somewhat surpising. it’s believed to be financially motatived for her. however, she has never met her future in laws but we know the family is well off financially. shortly after christmas, she traveled to India. her future brother-in-law paid for her trip but she traveled alone because for reasons unexplained, her and her future husband could not travel together. once she arrived, she saw very little of her fiance. then, her family received a phone call from her stating she was married, but not to her fiance, but his cousin instead. she didn’t explain why she married the cousin but only stated that she had to be married to him for 2-years. as you can guess, the family is very worried and concerned she’s been coaxed and now worried if she will even return home. they’ve heard nothing from her over the last few days. she is only 28 years old and has two small children. what are your thoughts? is this something that indian men do to young unknowing female american women in hopes of obtaining a green card or u.s. citizenship?
Robin,
I read your post like this :O My first thought was that perhaps it was a greencard scam. However, I when I read your post to hubby he thought slightly differently. He says if the family is well off, they wouldn’t need to need to pay for a greencard for the guy who was already here. He wondered if she was paid to marry the cousin. Do you happen to know where the boyfriend was from in India? The more M thought about this the more he was saying things didn’t make sense to him. He’s saying it doesn’t make sense for someone to date someone, take them home and then force her to marry the cousin. It makes me wonder if the girl knew what was up before she left too if the in laws paid for the ticket. Sounds like her family needs to ask more questions about this situation.
I’m a black woman living in the UK. I stumbled across your blog and was so happy to read about you and your husband. I have been dating a Bengali guy for the last nine months. Alas, we will not get our happy ending! His parents have demanded he marries someone from his own culture and are organising an arranged marriage for him! He does not want an arranged marriage and has avoided one, thus far. However, given his age, he is considered “old” and his parents gave pressurised him into complying with their wishes. This is so sad, as I am a professional woman, with my own home and income and in some circles, I would be considered a good catch! We really want to be together, but his culture and family are stronger than his feelings for me. Good luck to you both and I hope have a long, happy marriage.
Thank you so much for this blog. I’m truly inspired by your journey. I’m an African American woman who has been with my Pakistani-Indian boyfriend for over 5 years. We plan to marry and thankfully both of our parents support us moving forward. We are having anxiety for the future because we are worried about “how are we going to do this” and “what if…” Seeing this blog makes me feel hopeful and secure about our future. I guess you can’t assume the challenges you will or will not have, and some things you just have to learn as you go.
Thank you.
Hi
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now. I thank you on your insights and I’m happy to say I have found love from India also! I have always been close to the Indian culture. It calls to me I’m so familiar with the people the colors, lol the food! I have dated a few Indian men who were very honest in their saying that they will Marry only within their culture as if I automatically wanted to marry them. I’ve had a fear of marriage but for a progressive Indian man I will make an exception! Not that I do not understand and champion the end of struggles for black men I find myself needing more of a diverse ideology. Like I said India has always called to me maybe because of my Indian ancestor. My mom said from the day I was born my Indian doctor took me around the hospital with her when I was born. Maybe that started it. Ok I digress I’m writing you to share in my joy that I have found the one I can’t live without! I met him online and never paid attention to him because I was talking to another Indian guy who I thought was the one. Well as time passed and messages here and there we started talking more and more. I realized this guy is smart and practical and does not get bogged down in traditions. He does not abide by the normal Indian culture that he must marry who his family likes and that he must conduct his life according to his family. I ask him on several occasions what would his family say about him being with a black woman and his reply..what can they say. His mom wants him to be happy even though I’m not sure if he has told her we plan to marry. I however will respect how he wants to do and I will not push it! He is honest I can see it in his eyes and all I want to do is be a good wife because we are already friends. This is as real love gets, my Sandy ( what we call him) has gone from India to Dubai and we have not missed a beat in messages and Skype. I cannot describe the feeling of knowing that you have found your life partner even though I haven’t even felt his heartbeat. I know it beats for me and I can see it when he can’t stop smiling before a word is spoken on a video call! We have started the paperwork for us to get a waiver and for him to come on a k2 visa. Well It is coming even the fact that I already have two children does not even phase him! I know he will be a good father considering the advice I get grinned thousands of miles away! He loves me and I love him and our story I hope can inspire others as yours and M story has inspired me! Thank you so much you have no idea of the hope your story has given a doubtful girl! I will keep you posted on when he gets here but honestly I will go where ever he is. Lol
I’m a 42 year old product of Blindian parents, and I know I am not an anomoly. I am taken for all sorts of things accept what I am. Good luck to you beautiful folks.
WOW I almost cried when I came across this blog! I am Half black and Half white and my husband is Punjabi (we were both born and raised in Canada). We have been married for 2 years this Tuesday.
We live in a part of the Toronto area that is COMPLETLY Indian! We get stared at all the time, Once an indian woman spat at my feet and called me a black whore in Punjabi, My husband went off on her while I stood there stunned, It is not like me not to tell someone off but I was so suprised that it happend I said nothing !
My Husband and I have been friends since we were 11 years old and after college we re connected and my husband told me that he has been in love with me since grade 7 we got married 2 years later in a non religous ceramony that was mostly canadian with some Punjabi traditions and food (OMG the food is SOOOOO good!)
His Mother and Sister have had no problem with our relationship and I love them like i love my own mother and Sister, His father is a good man and though he is more traditional was more worried about his Son being happy then what people were going to think. My mother and sisters and brother has no problem with him being Indian but my father was and still is dead set against this marriage. He thought that I was just a fetish for my husband and that i would end up with a few kids before he left me for an indian woman.
We have had a reallllllly hard time, I have gone to so many Indian weddings and worn beautiful Sari (which I was so scared about because I am a bigger girl) and felt the death stares, my father in laws family told him that they didnt want him to marry me because it is going to be hard to arrange marriges for their children if there is a black person in the family. we want so much to have a baby but I am scared that there will be more problems. My husband and I both decided that if we do have a baby that it will be raised christian. I told him that I didnt want them (or myself) going to the Gudwire (not sure i that is how you spell it) to be looked down apon. I was there once for a wedding and swore that only time that I would go back was for my sister in laws Wedding. I felt like a lepper!
Sorry to ramble but this is the most amazing thing to have other black woman and Indian woman that know what I am going through, I have felt really alone and your blog has given me hope that things can work.
I love my Husband, no matter if he is Indian, black , white or purple I love him because he is him and for no other reason. I just am not sure how to take all of this negativity it is killing our relationship, what do you suggest?
Hi Somya, I tried contacting you several times but didn’t get an answer. If you need assistance, please dont hesitate to reach out to me.
Thanks!