Us at our 3rd wedding ceremony in Kerala April 2007
Hi, I’m one half of blindian love.. the other half is my husband “M”. This blog is about our lives together as a mixed marriage couple, specifically African American (me) and East Indian (M). We have been married for three years. We have two children (from my previous marriage) and two dogs (one that I’m convinced has a social disorder, lol).
I started this blog to hopefully shoot down some of the common misconceptions people have about relationships like ours and to answer some of the more common questions that people may have about being in an intercultural relationship. Is is always easy? Nope. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
This blog will address everything from life in India to cultural perceptions and marriage in general. I hope you will enjoy what we have to say and that our experience helps you see that relationships like ours can certainly survive.
Hi,
someone just sent me a link to your blog and I love it. I am a Black woman, married to a Spanish man and I blog about all kinds of meltingpot issues over at http://www.myamericanmeltingpot.com. I put a link to your site up today in my post.
Stop by and I’ll def. be checking in again here.
LT
Thanks Lori,
I’m headed over to check out your blog now and will post a link on my site as well. I’m so happy to see people from all cultures loving one another despite societal pressures!
Hello ! I just found your blog.How refreshing.
I had never heard of an IR married Black woman with an Indian man, though I suspect there are more than a few.
I’m a Bollywood nut myself and just 3 days ago I made a list of all the movies I’ve watched… 22 so far in a short time!
Also ,how can I get in touch with you regarding your voice over business?
I wish you and your family all the best.
Hi, I just wanted to say that I love your blog. I found your blog from black female interracial marriage ezine. I go to the ISKON temple in Denver CO. I’m one of a few black females that go to that temple. I love going there. The guys at my temple are so nice. I just wanted to say that I support your blog and hopefully there will be more blindian love out there in the world.
P.S. On Sunday I was given a matrimonial website. Maybe I will get a husband out of the site.
Nakia
Nakia,
Thanks so much for stopping by the blog and leaving a comment! Good luck on your marriage search!
Hello Nakia,
What has your experience been like as an African American going to a Hindu Temple? Would you care to share the matrimonial website with me?
Thanks
Greetings,
So nice to read about an interracial marriage between an AA woman and an East Indian man. The love of my life was a South Indian from Tamil Nadu. I am an AA woman. We could not overcome immigration issues with our governments. We are both Christians. His mother accepted me. Been in love with India ever since. My goal is to find love again from India.
I already commented on one of your blogs but thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us. I’m an AA woman definitely open to dating Indian men but there’s so many stereotypes about Indians and Indian culture so it’s refreshing to hear from someone who is actually living the experience.
Nice to know I’m noþ alone! I’m a black american female engage to marry a indian man who I love very much and have a beautiful relationship with tell me from your experience what challenges lie ahead
Nice blog. I am an Af Am woman and married my Sikh-American husband a couple of months ago. We’re living in the South as well. It’s nice to have stumbled across your blog and I look forward to stopping by again.
Wow! This is encouraging. I am mixed Black and East-Indian but my folks are Jamaican. It’s not uncommon there but in the U.S. it’s strange.It’s good to hear of a relationship in the U.S . between the two.
Hi, thats great, i also loving one east african girl but i dont know the immegration problems, i want to know that . please let me know
I have finally found a blog for people like me. I have been married to a South Tamil Indian for 21 years. It has been hell on wheels and at times great love. I did not know anything about Indian culture or man before I started to date him. I would like to get together to chat, mental health counseling (LOL), and share some good Bollywood movies. Hope to hear from you soon. I was just thinking about starting a blog on the same subject and than I discovered yours. Peace and Blessings
Maria
Maria,
Great to hear from you. It’s always wonderful to hear from new blog readers. Your idea to get together made me think of something.. for those of us within a couple of hours of one another (and those who maybe want to take a side trip), it would be great to do a type of meet and greet or something. I’ll post a blog on it later or anyone interested can email me directly.
Hi there! I’m so happy that I found your blog. I’m a black female married to an Indian man (mother is Tamil/Hindu and his father his from Andara/Christian). We’ve been together a long time, and only married 2 months! It’s been challenging, but our families have been so supportive, and I adore my mother in law…my husband is my very best friend. Anyway…I look forward to reading your posts.
Hiya,
So glad I stumbled unto your site. I’m glad to see more resources out there that focus on intercultural issues and topics.
I just wanted to introduce to Wedding Nouveau, a new style guide for intercultural brides and multi-ethnic weddings. We feature real fusion weddings, inspiration boards and designers dedicated to making culture and global chic accessible and stylish. Since launching in the fall, there’s been an overwhelming response to our content, which confirms my belief that there is a strong global need for stylish and informative resources that deal specifically with multi-ethnic affairs. Anyway, I hope you can check us out.
Thanks again, and spread the love.
–
Spicyhugs,
Fri Bailey
Editor & Creative Director,
Wedding Nouveau
http://www.weddingnouveau.com
follow me on Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/weddingnouveau
become a fan on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wedding-Nouveau/128237609876
hello i am 20 yrs old and i consider myself black and my boyfriend is 22 yrs old and he is half black and pakistiani. I have a problem with our relationship because he hasnt told his father and father side which is pakistan about me because he said they are strict with dating. Also, because i am christian and he is “muslim”. He told me his father would have a problem with me being christian. However, my boyfriend doesnt consider hiself muslim or christian and want him to be christian because we will share a common ground but hes afraid of what his father may think. We are in love and have been going out for two and half years. I would really hate to break up with him becuase im so in love and this religion thing has me confused and going crazy. I didnt go into this relationship ezpecting love it just happend. Please help, i need some form of advice
Clare, I’m going to open your question up to some of the other reads. I want to think for a bit on how best to respond to your issue. I know you probably feel pulled in many different directions. The lovely memebers often have some good advice. I’ll reply soon… promise.
Hi
This is my 3rd time on your blog. I think I will memorize the site name this time. I’m actually an African American Man getting ready to marry an Indian (Gujarati-Jain) American Woman. We met in Starkville, MS and now live on th Mississippi Gulf Coast. I seem to find more AA women with Indian Men than the opposite. Have you noticed this as well? Also, have you seen any AA/Indian interacial children? If you know of any pictures online I’d love to see them. I love the website. It gives me hope because her family (particularly mom, dad, and older relatives) are still learning to deal with our engagement.
Thanks for making this blog,
Cornelius Young
I have blindian kids. I am from Kerala, married to AA man from So Cal. I dont want to post on the internet here but I can tell u the kids have a nice blend. They have more of the Indian hair but it is thicker and their complexion is a little darker than mine. I say they got a nice blend of both of us. Some people dont realize they are half black until they see my husband. Compliments on their looks are plentiful. People stop us on the street to comment. But most of the comments come from whites and blacks, not as much from Indians who are too caught up with the light skin versus dark skin issues.
Even though it has been three years since you guys have tied the knot, may I still extend words of congrats about your marriage
Maybe I’m blind or something, it’s rare that I see Blacks/South Indians. In my lifetime I have been accustomed to seeing Black/White, Black/Asian( Vietnamese, Thai ,Cambodian etc) and sometimes Black/latino( Mexican, Cuban), but rarely do I see Indians and Blacks doing it.
Although I’ve been in a multicultural setting all of my life, I’ve only seen only three of them. The last one that I see was from my school. I was always curious about him not because I wanted to date him( He’s a baby compared to me ). He’s has always been in the company of Black women. Long as I have seen him, I have never seen him with a White , Latino or even an Indian woman for that matter. I wonder that if her ever marries what race his wife would be? IN all honestly, to know him, you would think that it would be with a Black woman, but in case not, it would definately have to be with an Indian woman who has his same class, group and attitude.
When I was younger I would pass by Georgia Tech and see all those cute South Asian/Arab men. Me and my girls would just bee ooing and ahhing about those guys, all of us were doubtful. All we seen was mama and daddy wanting their son to marry a good Indian girl. We just felt that race or Tradition would get in the way of it, but we kept dreaming of being together.
Still, we never know who god may want us to be our husbands/wives( if you’re guys). He could be a black, White, Latino, Native American or South Asian. It’s about about the heart. I’m not looking for any guys of ANY race at this time,but I ‘ve always been open minded and far as I’m concerned a good man can come from any race.
Anony missy,
I’m hooked on AVS( Asian Variety Show) Myself. I would religiously watch it every saturday before they went to Comcast. I have Direct TV, I’m going to see if I can get it with them. Mean while, I’m just going to check out the clips. I miss their movie reviews. The one thing that I admire about their critics is that they are honest with their them. If the movie sucked, they will say such opposed to only getting a select few who will obviously say that the movie was great although they may be lying to themselves about it. I also miss watching some of the oldies( when shown). I don’t know what my television station did, but I’m having an AVS drought as too many dull reality shows are predominating it( Geez!)
Claire,
A Muslim friend of mine told me that Muslim men can marry Christian women, while Muslim women have to marry only Muslim men. I think that you and your boyfriend should talk about where you both want religiously be and get those differences resolves. Far as I’m concerned , Love is unconditional. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be.
I
Ran into your blog through GoriGirl. Congratulations for wonderful married life and being a role model for millions of Indians obssessed with light skin. My BFF is an AA he told me about Fair and Handsome face cream for men in India, I could not believe it. You can sell anything to Indians in the name of light skill and sexual prowess.
This one is for Claire,
To be in love is great but life is long and you are just 20. How do you know this is it? Have you explored around. I do not say your relationship or your guy have a problem. I am just trying to say look around there is so much more in life than being tied to a person at such a young age. Where are you with your education and career? How you both plan to support your household?
If he can’t face his folks today he’ll not stand up for you tomorrow. If they don’t like you today for what ever reasons there are greater chances they’ll not like you in future.
Is he planning to convert for you or he was already contemplating a conversion? If it is for you then when ever you guys will have differences he’ll hang it over you to make you feel guilty. Look what I did for you.
Life is beautiful and love is divine just enjoy both you’ll have many opportunities to discover love.
Best,
http://www.girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com
Hi,
I am an African-American female, married to a Gujarati Indian man. We’ve been married for 2.5 years now and it has been great, but very difficult at times.
Even before our marriage, we’ve lost several school friends and some long time friends due to our relationship. We both had a very mutual college friend (also Gujarati) whom I considered very very good friends with (I’ve asked her to be my bridesmaid), tell my husband (my fiancee at the time) not to marry me because I was black. In another case my husband lost his long time friend of 20+ years because he married me. We can’t seem to be able to find stable friends, even now. People give us looks and snares when we’re in public — especially other Indians. It has become quite gloomy at times but my husband has never ceased to love me unconditionally regardless. He’s an absolute gem and a wonderful supportive husband; I love him dearly. But I often wondering when our relationship with others will thrive again.
I’m wondering if there’s a forum for people who are also in my situation (preferrably black and Indian couples). If anyone knows anything, please let me know. Thanks!
p.s. out of respect for this blog’s author, I will not start the Facebook group if she says no or wants to start it herself.
Hi,
Congratulations on your relationship and thanks for dropping by the blog! I am so sorry to hear that you all lost some of your friends behind your decision to be together. Look at it this way, at least you finally know what’s really in their hearts. It’s sad I’m sure because you probably thought you knew them well. M and I get looks when we are out in public too depending on where we are.. but I got used to stares when we lived in India.. girl, it’s even worst there! I can relate to you and your husband and the lack of friends. M and I are the same way.. M prefers it that way to a sense but… I don’t. It would be nice to have a couple to hang out with on ocassion that can understand the challenges we have as an intercultural couple.
I don’t know of other forums other than the Blindian Network that the other poster mentioned. I used to have a yahoo group but I shut it down due to lack of activity. I do maintain contact with three other blindian couples. The other poster Palak, suggested a facebook page which I think is a WONDERFUL idea. I’ll give more information on that shortly after I communicate with her.
Stay strong and email me.. let me know where you are. If you’re close maybe we can get together at some point.
I chanced upon this site but am really glad I did. I’m of India descent and my wife is a white american, but I’ve dated a black american in the past. I admire you and want to encourage you. If so called friends had/have an issue with your marriage, they were never your friends after all. We live in PA and if you and your spouse lived near by, would have liked to be open to the potential for friendship. We love to travel when we can and experience other cultures and perspectives.
@Glenn
I was just curious about what it was like for you when you dated a black American? Did you find that friends and family were not as accepting as your marriage to a white American? I just wonder if Indians are more accepting of Whites marrying them as opposed to Blacks?
Thanks
Hi Charie,
I’m really fortunate in that my family is very accepting of any race, so I did not have an problems while dating the AA woman. I am a bit of a rebel in my family, in that if I believe in something, I will stand by it even if the whole world things I’m wrong. My wife is also very accepting of other races but it helps that we are both christian (I became a christian while back in India before marriage). My close friend’s sister has married an AA man and he is a good man.
It is really unfortunate that while many Indians don’t like to experience racism, they freely mete it out to blacks. This behavior was quite common among the South Indians on campus (not all South Indians are like this) when i went to school here in the States. I was utterly amazed and saddened by this behavior because these guys were themselves on the dark side. I did not tolerate such tendencies in my presence.
To get back to your question, Indians in general (the ones who are superficial anyway) do have a penchant for a lighter complexion. This is not just with reference to an AA but also in India within the caste system. In general, the higher castes tend to be lighter complexioned. This attitude is less prevalent in cities like Bombay, so if you meet an Indian who grew up in such a place, you would have less of a chance of such behavior.
I hope this answers your question.
Regards..
Hi, what a beautiful blog! I am a 1st gen Indian Gujarati woman and happily engaged to 1st gen Jamaican man. We will finally be tying the knot after 5 years because it took that long for my parents to come to terms. Based on my friends’ experiences and what I see in the bridal blogs/magazines, Inter-racial and inter-faith marriage is on the rise among South Asians. BUT, it appears to be more common between South Asians and white Americans. I’m SO SO glad to have found this site not only for the advice, but also to prove to my parents that we are not the first! For those of us with children or planning to have children, it will be important to show them just how beautiful Blindian Love is. I think it would be great to start a Facebook group so we can all connect. I’d be happy to start it and credit it back to this blog. Please look for it.
Love, Palak
p.p.s. there is a blog and facebook group called Blindian Network. it’s from a couple in the UK and sometimes feels a little too MySpace-y for me. i prefer the toned down vibe of this blog, but if you’re looking for a compliment to this blog, check it out.
Palak
How awesome to hear from another blindian couple on the flip side of the coin. I always love hearing from new people. Thanks for the blog love and sharing your experience. I love your idea about starting a facebook page (and your respect for me not to start it without agreement.. that was awesome of you..thank you!) Would you mind emailing me and we can work on it together.. what do you think? I’m looking forward to learning more about you all.
Excellent! I’m happy to help you out in any way that I can. FB might be a nice way to share stories, post pictures (e.g.family celebrations) and ask for advice so that a larger community can weigh in with different perspectives. I didn’t find your e-mail on your site, but I’ve submitted mine through these posts, so feel free to contact me at your convenience.
Also Avariah, just curious, where do you live? I’m in NYC where it’s very common to see mixed couples so my fiance and I have escaped a lot of social stigma (or maybe we just don’t notice it!) One thing that helped us is that over the years we talked A LOT about all of the possible “issues” that could come up in our relationship. For some issues, it was easy to identify a game plan and for other issues (e.g. my parents disowing me) it took a lot of discussion to get to a place where we were comfortable with the outcomes. Ultimately, because our committment to each other is so strong, we decided it was worth taking the next step despite the possible risks. Althought it’s hurtful to lose people you cared about, your marriage is more important than the social connections you lost. For now, lean on any friends or family who do support you and trust that you will build new social connections with more open-minded people in the future…it takes time… and focus on the fact that you each have a best friend in each other. Good luck!
-P
Gee , with ” friends” like those who needs enemies?
Like many of the poster on here, I sympathize with you and your husband . It’s unfortunate how the two of you have been treated.No matter how much they and other people may want to justify such prejudice, in my eyes there is no justification with it.
Even though they may not accept your union,it’s their loss. If they cannot see your love for one another then maybe, you both are better off without them.
Hi everyone am a 24yrs old afraican american that is now dating an Indian. We are very fresh in our relationship and am just looking around at ppl that are dating in the same as me. I am so schocked at how we clicked…. I have an degree in psychology and now going for my masters .he has an degree with engeeniering. We do have some disagree that casuse problems one is that my mom wants me to date someone within my race.. am not sure that his family knows about me yet. but i ask about it and he tells me when the time is right then we will tell.. This whole relationship has been different but fun I haven’t had someone like this for awhile…Am opening any advice to anyone about on dating..thanks for the site!!!
I don’t know why people get so shocked when black and south asian people are together, i live in uk, and over here there are alot of west indian and east indian people mixing, so it doesnt come as a shock to people. there are lots of black and east indian couples in the west indies too. i wish you both the best.
you all are disgusting, blacks and south asians do NOT mix, i am indian and when i see this type of racial mixture i want to throw up all over the place, this is nasty
Mary (which is not your real name according to what I’ve found),
You are exactly the kind of person this blog is targeted at. I know many people question why I would put our life in such a public forum to receive feedback like yours. It’s unfortunate that ignorance like yours still exists. You are completely entitled to your opinion but what I will NOT tolerate is you calling me or my family nasty. The very fact that you have so much hate within you when you see relationships like mine and my husband’s that you want to throw up, speaks volumes about you, your upbringing and your future. I do hope that in all the throwing up all over the place that you’ve done, that you managed to throw up some of the ignorance, hate and meanness within you as well.
Mary,
I am an Indian too who believes in centuries old concept of “Vasudhaiv kutumbkam, ” all world is a family. What a shame that you never heard about this concept. Please don’t call your self an Indian it is a shame for all of us who are proud of our Indian origins.
Peace to you.