Comments on: About http://blindianlove.com A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:49:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Necie Reed http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-943 Necie Reed Sun, 20 Jun 2010 17:25:55 +0000 #comment-943 Hello! I love your blog! Sometimes people assume that Black on White love is the only type of Interracial love there is. You're very blessed to be so very happy! You should check out my interracial relationships forum at www.milkandmocha.com. Right now it is a predominately Black woman White man community and I am trying very hard to change that. I would love a diverse crowd of people from different experiences to share in the love on our forums. Thanks for all that you do! Necie R Hello! I love your blog! Sometimes people assume that Black on White love is the only type of Interracial love there is. You’re very blessed to be so very happy!

You should check out my interracial relationships forum at http://www.milkandmocha.com. Right now it is a predominately Black woman White man community and I am trying very hard to change that. I would love a diverse crowd of people from different experiences to share in the love on our forums.

Thanks for all that you do!

Necie R

]]> By: Maria http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-939 Maria Fri, 18 Jun 2010 00:36:16 +0000 #comment-939 Hello Blindianlove How are you. This is Maria Sekar, I have not talk with you in a very long time. I have been to the blog to read it several times. It would be nice to get people together that live in the same location. We can develop friendships and our own unique family. I am the african american female married to the indian tamil guy for 22 years. Wow... LOL. Peace and Blessings to all. I will participate more often.... You blog is really filling a niche.... Hello Blindianlove

How are you. This is Maria Sekar, I have not talk with you in a very long time. I have been to the blog to read it several times. It would be nice to get people together that live in the same location. We can develop friendships and our own unique family. I am the african american female married to the indian tamil guy for 22 years. Wow… LOL. Peace and Blessings to all. I will participate more often…. You blog is really filling a niche….

]]> By: Maria http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-938 Maria Fri, 18 Jun 2010 00:17:36 +0000 #comment-938 Hello, You will be fine. You will meet people who will not look down on you. My Indian husband do not have many friends, but I am very friendly and socialabe. It would be nice to get together and meet other couple like yourself in person. Where do you live? We can become friends with each other. We are a unique bunch. Reply back. Maria Hello,

You will be fine. You will meet people who will not look down on you. My Indian husband do not have many friends, but I am very friendly and socialabe. It would be nice to get together and meet other couple like yourself in person. Where do you live? We can become friends with each other. We are a unique bunch. Reply back.

Maria

]]> By: msha http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-937 msha Wed, 16 Jun 2010 18:08:17 +0000 #comment-937 Hi, I am so glad that I have found your blog. I am a AA american married to a Indian. We have been married almost 5 years now. Our 5th anniversary is next month. We have a beautiful 19 month son. It is so great to see that there are other couples out there like us. Hi,

I am so glad that I have found your blog. I am a AA american married to a Indian. We have been married almost 5 years now. Our 5th anniversary is next month. We have a beautiful 19 month son. It is so great to see that there are other couples out there like us.

]]> By: kmariej http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-936 kmariej Tue, 15 Jun 2010 04:54:07 +0000 #comment-936 Oh! I love Kerala! God's own country, no?! Your blog is lovely. So thoughtful and intelligent. Best wishes! Kelly Oh! I love Kerala! God’s own country, no?! Your blog is lovely. So thoughtful and intelligent.

Best wishes! Kelly

]]> By: Hopeful http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-935 Hopeful Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:33:13 +0000 #comment-935 @brown I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 1st generation Indian American (Gujarati/Hindu, 24 years old). I am dating a black man (28 years old). We met in graduate school. I really love my family and respect them. I know how it feels to be torn and sad about the situation. I too wonder whether I can handle the reaction my family will have. Will I be able to handle family choosing not to be a part of my life? Part of me does get that "I do not care what other people think" sort of attitude sometimes. But when it comes to family- you do care. And more importantly, you want them to be there in the future. They give me so much support. But I also feel strongly about the man I am with. Then there is the part of me that enjoys being me. I do not want to pretend to date or be with someone Indian to please others. I like to think that I really look at people based off their personalities. In following my family, I would not feel true to myself. Is Indian culture that incompatible with letting anybody else in? I wonder if the culture will always hold on so tightly to their ideals/ values- even as the outside world changes. I wish you luck in dealing with all of these emotions. I know how consuming they can become. You are right, in that, only you know what truly is the right decision. However, know that life has a funny way of making things seem okay over time. Time heals all. Take care! @brown
I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 1st generation Indian American (Gujarati/Hindu, 24 years old). I am dating a black man (28 years old). We met in graduate school. I really love my family and respect them. I know how it feels to be torn and sad about the situation.

I too wonder whether I can handle the reaction my family will have. Will I be able to handle family choosing not to be a part of my life? Part of me does get that “I do not care what other people think” sort of attitude sometimes. But when it comes to family- you do care. And more importantly, you want them to be there in the future. They give me so much support. But I also feel strongly about the man I am with.

Then there is the part of me that enjoys being me. I do not want to pretend to date or be with someone Indian to please others. I like to think that I really look at people based off their personalities. In following my family, I would not feel true to myself.

Is Indian culture that incompatible with letting anybody else in? I wonder if the culture will always hold on so tightly to their ideals/ values- even as the outside world changes.

I wish you luck in dealing with all of these emotions. I know how consuming they can become. You are right, in that, only you know what truly is the right decision. However, know that life has a funny way of making things seem okay over time. Time heals all.

Take care!

]]> By: Charie Daviston http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-914 Charie Daviston Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:15:46 +0000 #comment-914 @ brown I am very touched by your sharing. Clearly you are torn between your parents expectations and your own hearts desire. This happens to many people for different reasons. For example, Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Muslims, Blacks and Whites...the list goes on and on. Romeo and Juliet was about familial disapproval of their love. At times like this I look for what true love really is or rather how someone who loves , who really loves, reacts to the basic human right to choose. Real love is patient, kind, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. So, one must decide what is true and real love will be there. It does not have to agree with the choice, like it or approve. But real love must be kind and love the person. From what I know from others who have been in a similar situation...the disapproving family comes around...eventually!!! For they love their children. An Indian friend once told me..." Indian parents do not stay away from their children---forever!!! Peace @ brown
I am very touched by your sharing. Clearly you are torn between your parents expectations and your own hearts desire. This happens to many people for different reasons. For example, Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Muslims, Blacks and Whites…the list goes on and on. Romeo and Juliet was about familial disapproval of their love. At times like this I look for what true love really is or rather how someone who loves , who really loves, reacts to the basic human right to choose. Real love is patient, kind, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. So, one must decide what is true and real love will be there. It does not have to agree with the choice, like it or approve. But real love must be kind and love the person. From what I know from others who have been in a similar situation…the disapproving family comes around…eventually!!! For they love their children. An Indian friend once told me…” Indian parents do not stay away from their children—forever!!!
Peace

]]> By: brown http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-913 brown Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:47:38 +0000 #comment-913 Thanks so much for your response. Regarding what you were saying about arranged marriages versus love marriages, I find it interesting to think of that theme as well. Having been raised in the US by what I always felt were very progressive Indian parents (in other ways obviously), I was given the message growing up that who I married would be my choice. But now I see that my choice is only acceptable if the man is essentially who they would have chosen for me in an arranged marriage. It's so sad. I don't want to give up - I told my dad (who is more open) that it would be really stupid for this to end just because of my mother, that she needs to give me the space to decide on my own what is best for me. But even with my desire to stand up to her, this situation has very much beat me down. To have this conversation with my dad after 5 years and have it be unchanged is heartbreaking to me. What advice does anyone have for those of us who face not only negative reactions from our families, but staunch opposition to the point where a parent is threatening to stop being a part of your life? I worry that my sadness over how unfair of a choice this is will impact the happiness of our relationship and likely already has... I appreciate any thoughts! (Also, Blindian, if you have an email address for these types of conversations, I'd love to chat more.) Thanks so much for your response.

Regarding what you were saying about arranged marriages versus love marriages, I find it interesting to think of that theme as well. Having been raised in the US by what I always felt were very progressive Indian parents (in other ways obviously), I was given the message growing up that who I married would be my choice. But now I see that my choice is only acceptable if the man is essentially who they would have chosen for me in an arranged marriage. It’s so sad. I don’t want to give up – I told my dad (who is more open) that it would be really stupid for this to end just because of my mother, that she needs to give me the space to decide on my own what is best for me. But even with my desire to stand up to her, this situation has very much beat me down. To have this conversation with my dad after 5 years and have it be unchanged is heartbreaking to me. What advice does anyone have for those of us who face not only negative reactions from our families, but staunch opposition to the point where a parent is threatening to stop being a part of your life? I worry that my sadness over how unfair of a choice this is will impact the happiness of our relationship and likely already has…

I appreciate any thoughts! (Also, Blindian, if you have an email address for these types of conversations, I’d love to chat more.)

]]> By: blindianlove http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-912 blindianlove Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:48:22 +0000 #comment-912 Hi, I'm so glad that you shared your story. It's always good to see different sides of what is virtually the same picture. I have to say one of the most poignant statements in your post was the phrase "It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together" I think it clearly summarizes the way arranged marriages versus "love" marriages are viewed in Indian society. I wish you love, happiness and peace. It seems as though you have a good head on your shoulders to make the decisions that will bring you to the place you feel you need to be most. You've inspired me to make a post today. When I read your words, it had such a sense of matter-of-factness and resignation to it. Yet, there was underlying hope. Thank you for stopping by the blog. I'm sending you big hugs! Hi,
I’m so glad that you shared your story. It’s always good to see different sides of what is virtually the same picture. I have to say one of the most poignant statements in your post was the phrase “It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together” I think it clearly summarizes the way arranged marriages versus “love” marriages are viewed in Indian society.

I wish you love, happiness and peace. It seems as though you have a good head on your shoulders to make the decisions that will bring you to the place you feel you need to be most. You’ve inspired me to make a post today. When I read your words, it had such a sense of matter-of-factness and resignation to it. Yet, there was underlying hope.

Thank you for stopping by the blog. I’m sending you big hugs!

]]> By: brown http://blindianlove.com/about/#comment-911 brown Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:24:03 +0000 #comment-911 I just came upon this site a few days ago and also wanted to comment. I am an Indian-American female (27 yrs old) and I've been in a relationship with an African-American male for 5 years. We are now at a place where we both feel we should know how we are going to proceed (marriage or not, even if we don't get engaged right away), but I am still very torn. It is helpful to have this community of couples just like us, but I have been in a place of internal conflict and sadness for so long over this. I know only I can know if it is worth it to me, so I have long stopped trying to see who feels it can work and who feels it cannot. Still, the biggest thing I struggle with is going through the process of deciding I can handle the hardships of an intercultural relationship while my parents remain against me. It is not a matter of what they THINK of me, rather they are my parents and I need their love and support. When we began our relationship, I was 22, and had the attitude of "Who cares what they think? I have to do what I want!" But unfortunately, life has taught me that (and many of the comments here have echoed this), friends will come and go and I need my family. I need their guidance as I figure out if I can deal with the differences. It's difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together (especially with him coming from a single-parent home and a history of "broken" families). I worry a lot about the future even though I know we have a lot of love and mutual respect. I am not sure what I am looking for out of adding my comment... I guess I just wanted to share my story :) I just came upon this site a few days ago and also wanted to comment. I am an Indian-American female (27 yrs old) and I’ve been in a relationship with an African-American male for 5 years. We are now at a place where we both feel we should know how we are going to proceed (marriage or not, even if we don’t get engaged right away), but I am still very torn. It is helpful to have this community of couples just like us, but I have been in a place of internal conflict and sadness for so long over this.

I know only I can know if it is worth it to me, so I have long stopped trying to see who feels it can work and who feels it cannot. Still, the biggest thing I struggle with is going through the process of deciding I can handle the hardships of an intercultural relationship while my parents remain against me. It is not a matter of what they THINK of me, rather they are my parents and I need their love and support. When we began our relationship, I was 22, and had the attitude of “Who cares what they think? I have to do what I want!” But unfortunately, life has taught me that (and many of the comments here have echoed this), friends will come and go and I need my family. I need their guidance as I figure out if I can deal with the differences.

It’s difficult when I have been ingrained in a culture that believes marriage is about two families coming together over similar values, lifestyles, and histories and that love is unstable and unreliable, something that will not be able to hold us together (especially with him coming from a single-parent home and a history of “broken” families). I worry a lot about the future even though I know we have a lot of love and mutual respect.

I am not sure what I am looking for out of adding my comment… I guess I just wanted to share my story :)

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