Raising Hope, Hell and Two Beautiful Babies October 25, 2011
When falling madly in love, we imagine quiet dinners, adventurous outings, white picket fences and 2.5 kids. When we are thinking about those 2.5 kids and the dog named Rover, we rarely think about the realities of co-parenting. Sure, we may talk about what religion we will raise the children to be or how we would like them to be educated but how often do we talk about who’s going to be “good cop” and who’s going to be “bad cop?”
In my house I’m the bad cop. Much to my dismay, M spoils the kids rotten. He’s always saying “but they’re kids. This is the time they can eat whatever they want to” or “Honey why are you making them go to bed?” (uhm maybe because it’s MIDNIGHT?!)
M doesn’t grasp the fact that raising children here is so very different. No they can’t roam the streets alone like you see so many children in India doing…there are pervs on the streets. No they can’t eat big gigantic bowls of Fruit Loops for breakfast, lunch and then gum for dinner. They need to fill up on fruits and veggies and NO- Law and Order, First 48 and Criminal Intent are not appropriate viewing choices for ten-year-olds.
The foods here are filled with preservatives and considering our children are already genetically pre-disposed for obesity, it’s all the more reason they eat fruits and veggies and chill on the sugar. While I’m trying to make sure they choose healthy snacks, M is bringing gummy worms, candy bars and ice cream home. I’m telling them to go to bed and he’s letting them stay up after I go to sleep then they are dragging during the day. I limit t.v. time to two hours each day during the summer and weekends only during the school year. You get the picture. He’s like the cool uncle and I’m the overbearing auntie.
This may sound cute but really after a while, it’s a royal pain in the ass. It’s a constant discussion and even though I sit and explain to M how differently parenting has to be here in order to raise successful children, I can tell he just doesn’t get it. Fortunately, mama’s rules always end up winning out in the end but it’s not always easy. When I was cautiously observing how M. would be with children, I thought these shows of love and affection was so special. I wasn’t thinking how they would be if they were it was every day behavior.
Five years in, we’re making small steps of progress. I’ve finally gotten M to stop contradicting me in front of the kids. He’ll give me little looks but most importantly, we wait until after the kids are out of the room to make most decisions so we can present a united front. That’s not to say that M. doesn’t cave in to our daughter’s “papa pleasssssseee” or our son’s male bonding rallies because he does. It just means he’s more aware that kids these days don’t come in packages that you water, feed and bam…successful adult.
Culturally, there are things M can’t fathom having to deal with as a parent. Whether I like it or not, the kids’ bodies are changing and I would much rather have them hear from me or M about those changes than from other children or out on the street. No, those conversations weren’t easy but whether I like it or not, our children are exposed to so many things from friends and peers. I’d much rather they have the proper info than to be misinformed. M can’t believe parents have to have these types of conversations with children at all. Trust me, I wish I didn’t have to but life is life and being unrealistic won’t get me anywhere.
I may rail against M’s parenting decisions sometimes but I have to admit I have learned a few things about gaining new perspective.The fact of the matter is that there is no handbook to proper parenting and what may work for one parent, may very well not work for the other. M and I are carving out a new parental path here. IMHO, there just needs to be balance and consistency. Until the next blog lovelies.
An Ode to a Special Father June 18, 2011
Five years ago my children were spending their first lengthy amount of time with their new stepdad- M. We had temporarily put our lives on hold to move to India in order for me to work on a media project and to spent time in M’s country. We were deciding whether the States or India would be the best place for us to establish our newly formed family.
Ultimately, we decided to settle back here in the deep south of the U.S. but I wouldn’t trade those months in India for anything in the world. Not only did I learn so much about my honey’s beautiful culture but my children forged an unbreakable bond with the man they now affectionately call “papa.”
After all of these years, I can finally openly admit I was secretly “auditioning” the ready-made family thing with M. My dear sweet hubby had been a bachelor for 38 years when we married. He was accustomed to doing what he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted with no regards to anyone else. Suddenly, he meets this woman who’s divorced with not one but TWO kids and his world is turned topsy turvy. I don’t think I could have handled such dramatic changes as gracefully and as lovingly as M. has.
I’ve never heard him complain. Not when his pockets went from supporting a family of one to a family of four virtually overnight. …not when we’ve had to cancel or change plans because of a sick child or childcare issues…and not when the kids have us both strung out to the max. M has walked two miles in monsoon rains to get medication for our son and he’s been one of their biggest cheerleaders. He’s always said from the beginning that he’s not trying to replace their biological father, he just wants them to know whatever they need–he’s always here for them.
In return, the children have showered him with love. They light up when he walks in a room and I have no problem admitting he’s the “good cop” and I’m the “bad cop.” He spoils them and gives them all the things mommy won’
Watching this kind of love on a daily basis has made me look more closely at the relationships between fathers and their children. There is a big difference between being a father and being a daddy. Anyone can donate biological fluid to the mission of procreation. It’s yet another thing to spend sleepless nights, frustrating homework sessions and rollercoaster days with a child. M is a Daddy.
My kids are blessed. They have two dads. One biological and one brought to them as a result of love. Both dads love and nurture the needs of the twins in beautiful ways but this is my thank you to M for being such an incredible father. I know it hasn’t been easy but you’ve made it look like a piece of cake. I love you M and Happy Father’s Day from me, P and G.
Hello Again February 6, 2011
Hi Everyone,
Let me start off by saying “thank you” to everyone who has reached out to me to make sure M and I were okay since I had not posted in a while. The last few months have found M and I in an incredible period of transition and unfortunately, that made my limited time even more limited. I only had time for FB updates.
So you may ask, exactly what has been going on? Well, here’s a little portion of what is going on:
1) M switched jobs
2) I quit my job to run my businesses full-time (a scary move but one that is quite rewarding)..btw, anyone need a voiceover done?
3) We went to the Bahamas (pic above)
4) M had heart surgery.
5) We’ve made one more step toward starting the baby making front.
Then there’s daily life. M and I have managed to weave together a life filled with the simplicities and complexities of happiness together. We’ve had a few downs but we’ve had plenty of ups. We’ve now settled into the essence of us. Imagine what would happen if everyone in a relationship realized that the days won’t always be sunny but the rainy days can be so much sweeter if we see what comes after the storm has passed.
We’re apparently a pretty comedic couple because our daughter looked at us the other day and day and said “haha you guys are really funny. You should be on T.V.” That tone of sarcasm mixed with the tongue in cheek sassyness of a 10-year-old made me smile.
Hopefully, there’s much to come from the Blindian family in the way of updates soon. Blindian mama (that’s me) will try to do better about posting. Until the next blog..
Indians and “They” April 20, 2010
I’ve noticed something lately and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about it. It’s Indians and the word “they.” I’ve noticed that this is used quite often when they are referring to other Indians. From what I have noticed, it’s usually used to talk condescendingly or negatively about fellow Indians. It’s as if the person who is speaking isn’t included in the group they are referring to.
M does it, my Hindi teacher does it, and several of my Indian friends do it. For some reason, this has been blatantly obvious to me as of late. However, I’ve also noticed that by contrast, the people saying “they” don’t use it when referring to the positive things about the same group of people. That’s when they say “we.” For example, I had this conversation with M the other day where he was talking about how he felt Indians were obsessed with money. During the conversation he would routinely say things like ”they will do anything to save a dollar.” A little while later he was saying what hard workers Asians are. During this conversation he would consitently say “we” and he ended it by saying “we will put in 16 hour days, without thinking twice.”
Am I the only person who has noticed this? I have my own thoughts about why “they” and “we” are used but I am interested in other opinions. I understand the desire to distance one’s self from things that are perceived as negative and embracing the things that are seen as positive but I’ve not seen this behavior on this level before or at least it’s never been so bad that I’ve noticed it before. I’m looking forward to hearing your opinions. Until the next blog…
Thank you, Thank You, Thank you March 5, 2010
Hi everyone, I only have a few minutes to type out a quick post but I wanted to thank you all for your outpouring of support that M and I received in response to “Mary.” You all give me hope that there’s much more good in the world than there is ignorance. The louder our voices are against people who simply can’t accept others because they don’t like seeing couples not to their suiting, the more we can drown out their ignorance and hatred. I have so much to update you all about. Write again soon! Until the next blog lovelies!
Where does time go? February 25, 2010
Life has been so hectic for M and I lately. With starting the brick and morter part of our jewerly business and school starting, it has been enough to make our heads spin. That doesn’t include scout meetings for both kids, my regular job and my voiceover business. I’m thankful to be taking everyting in stride.
I’m finally beginning to realize some very important facts.
1) My body is getting older and it needs more sleep than the four or five hours max I’ve been giving it over the last three years.
2) I don’t care how much technology and various gadgets are supposed to save time…to me it only paves the way for more time to be taken away. When I was a kid my grandmother cooked everything from scratch on a stove not a microwave. Vegetables were fresh out of some garden and she kept an immaculate house all while taking care of her kids, foster kids and a couple of grandchildren like me. I’m still in awe of her strength. Some things I won’t compromise on like cooking full meals for my family. We do eat out occasionally but I believe dinners should be eaten together even if it’s not at a dining table. Often my family and I will camp out in the den and watch movies while eating dinner together (lately it’s been the Planet Earth series).
3) There’s only one of me and there’s only so much I can do. If I’ve done my best then I’ve done enough and if the task isn’t completed, perhaps there’s always later…if not oh well.
4) Sometimes no words are more than any number of words could ever speak.
5) The family members who are people I would ordinarily never deal with if they were not family no longer have control over my emotions with the whole “I’m family” excuse. I have some family I would never ever be friends with because we are dramatically worlds apart and there world is one which I have no desire to be a part of and I’m perfectly fine with it. It’s taken me a long time to reach the point where I don’t care how they feel about me.
I’m in awe of the energy and passage of time. It seems just like yesterday that my kids were babies in carriers. Now they are mini adults with all of these emotions and intelligence. They are growing so quickly.
How many of you in the last few weeks have said to yourself or someone else I can’t believe it’s already the middle of September?! That’s a sign that somehow we’re not slowing down enough to savor the days and truly acknowledge their presence. I’ve promised to change this for myself. I’ll have new posts soon my lovelies. ..until the next blog.
The Rearing Ugly Head of Hate February 19, 2010
Well, we got our first hate post today (under the “About” comments). I knew it was coming eventually and with all of the ignorance in the world today, it doesn’t surpise me at all. “Mary” says that Blacks and South Indians don’t mix and that relationships like me and M’s make her want to throw up. Hmmm. Her post didn’t even warrant me wasting the energy to get angry. I feel sorry for people who have so much stupidity and hatred within them that they feel the need to spread it on a public forum. Thankfully, not everyone is like Mary. If they were, M and I would have never married. I respect the fact that she (or he) may not choose to marry outside of their race but to try to push that same old, tired propoganda on others is …yawn.. so boring. So Mary (or whoever you are), I won’t keep you much longer. I just wanted to give you the attention you apparently so desperately deserve and I’m sure you are exhausted because carrying around so much ignorance and baggage has got to be heavy. To my other readers, I apologize but it’s obvious this person needed attention badly. I’ll get back to my regular post that was planned for today here shortly.
New Faces New Friends January 15, 2010
Hey everyone, it’s been a minute since I’ve blogged and this post will be short but I’ll make a longer post this weekend. I wanted to say hello to all of the new people who have stopped by the blog and left comments. You are the reason I started this and the reason I will continue to reach out and share parts of our life.
One of our readers has reached out with the idea of a facebook group and it’s something I definitely plan on doing ..so stay tuned for more information. It’s coming soon. This weekend, I’ll be sure to tell you all about our holidays, which we shared two days of which with my mom on vacation. It was interesting to say the least. I think the time spent together dispelled some of the myths about M but it also made me realize some of my mom’s ideas about him were much worst than I could have imagined. It’s bedtime for me right now so until the next blog…
. Now I just sit and contemplate the prior months and look ahead to things I want to improve in the new year but I don’t promise myself to do them . What about you? If you make resolutions how about sharing them with us?
