A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

Drumroll Please! April 15, 2012

It’s been a while since I’ve made a blog post.  I could give you an array of reasons why I’ve gotten so behind on so many things including this blog but you all go through the same things yourselves day in and day out… there’s kids, work, family issues, and just general lack of prioritization.

 

I do have some news to share with you lovelies that aren’t part of the Facebook group… M and I are expecting our first bundle of joy together in August. We found out the day after Christmas while we were Gosh how far we’ve come and oh my LORD how old do I feel right now. Heehee. The fact has not escaped us that by the time the twins start high school we’ll be potty training too or the fact that by the time Baby A. starts kindergarten, the twins will be graduating from high school. WOWZA What were we thinking?!  I jest but only half-heartedly. I can’t say there aren’t anxieties about having a newborn after all these years (me) or being a first time parent (M).  However, we are excited about the blessing our union is about to produce.  

 M and I also celebrated our sixth anniversary in March.  Time has flown by so very fast and it seems that when we look back on our love struck younger selves we’re watching someone else’s life. Ahhh young love.

Nothing too much more exciting that I’d like to share right now has happened over the course of the last few months. Life has definitely not been boring that’s for sure!  I think I’ll wrap this up for right now. I hope life has been treating you all very well. I’d love to hear from you!

If you haven’t dropped by the Facebook group (Blindian Love), please consider joining the group. There have been some interesting discussions lately.  For those of you in long-term serious Blindian (Black + Indian) relationships, after being part of Blindian Love for a while, you’re eligible to also join Blindian Love Couples. Until the next blog

 

A Holiday Recap and Facebook Page Update January 16, 2010

Hi everyone! It’s good to take a moment to catch up with you all. M spent his third holiday season here. This year we decided to do something a bit different and go on vacation.  We spent 10 days in Gatlinburg, celebrating Christmas and the New Year.  It was the best decision I’ve made in a long time because we needed to unwind and decompress as a family unit. We enjoyed nature drives to Cades Cove, shopped, did part of the Roaring Fork Nature trail (the other parts were closed), played mini golf, went to Wonderworks (and interactive science museum) and basically just slept when we wanted, played board games and read alot. Unfortunately, I was sick the entire trip. The crud hit me the evening we got there and  lasted the whole trip. Even though I didn’t feel my best, we still had an awesome time.

 We had the pleasure of spending part of the trip with one of my closest friends Sibreena and her two daughters. They came up for three days of the trip and my mother and her boyfriend came up to spend the New Year with us. I was shocked my mother even made the decision to come up but I’m glad she did because she got to spend time with M and I and the kids. I think seeing us as a family unit put her mind at ease a bit. She saw that the kids and M horsed around and talked together as they would with anyone else and equally as important, she saw that we’re just like any other couple. We laugh and joke ith one another and occasionally snap at one another just like average people in a relationship. Mom saw there’s nothing different about M from the average Joe. He has his particular ways like, he watched CNN and Law and Order fanatically and drank tea and coffee like crazy. He has an affinity for reading and put hot sauce on everything because one of his gifts was a gourmet hot sauce set that had about six different kinds of hot sauce. He and my mother’s boyfriend bonded over this and their love of garlic.

My mom was able to get a glimpse into the relationship I have with my in-laws when she heard me talking to my niece, nephew and sister in law. We had spoken to my mother in law earlier. I’m not sure why she had the look on her face that she did when I was talking to them. We speak to the kids only in English since they are learning the language in school and the sister in laws speak a blend of Hindi, Malayalam and English depending on who they are talking to. We talked about their school and teachers and a party they had over the holiday. I think hearing the conversation somehow removed the veil of mystery my mother had somehow created in her head about how I am with M’s family.

One of the best moments came when my mother (I think to her very own surprise) realized M has a sense of humor when he made a joke about some  potatoes (long story) that had us all in stitches. She playfully told him “M, now I’m ashamed at you I can’t believe you said that!” and laughed as she repeated her punchline. They talked about real estate and the Christmas Day terror attack.  

On the flip side, the worst moment came when my mother made a off color joke about “Indians and their spices and having everything smelling like curry and you know how they are.”  That’s the reader’s digest version of her comment that has been seriously censored for the sake of the blog. When she said it, I immediately swiveled around and said, “You seriously need to cut it out. That was so inappropriate. What if someone in his family made a remark like that?!” She looked surprised when I proceeded to continue to lambast her about ignorant and racial remarks and to think about her own feelings. Surprisingly enough, she actually half way apologized and tried to smooth over the situation. From that moment forward I didn’t have another problem out of her the whole trip.  She did get a little upset with M about letting the kids going out for a walk in the snow with no coats or hats on but even I upset about that, especially since one kid  was still recovering from a cold. 

The funniest moment of the time with my mom came when the New Year rolled in.  My mom, the kids and my niece and I were all standing on the balcony watching three different firework shows from the deck of the chalet. When the New Year rolled in, M looked at my mom, then looked at me and actually shook my hand and said “Happy New Year Babe.” I of course was shocked at the formality but I didn’t say anything. However, the SECOND my mom walked back into the chalet, he quickly grabbed me and gave me a big kiss, saying “Happy New Year!” When I asked what the handshake was all about, he said “Babe I couldn’t kiss you in front of ma.” LOL.  I told him I was pretty sure my mom realized that we kissed and then some since we were married. When I told momma about it later, she thought it was funny that he was going to such extremes to show respect for her.  Believe it or not, my mom, M and I all went shopping together while the kids stayed home with my mom’s boyfriend since he had a cold too. It was a pleasant time.  This trip was beneficial in so many ways. Two people who are important in my life came a step closer to letting their guard down with one another. To me, that was one of the best gifts I could have been granted.  I’ve posted a few of the trip pics above. I hope you enjoy them. 

Now, on to the facebook page information. At the suggestion of reader, I’ve created a facebook page for other blindian couples. The name of the group is Blindian Love. You can find it in the Facebook group search function or email me at blindianlove@hotmail.com and I’ll send you a group information. Right now the group is set up where members have to be approved. I did that to keep out the crazies and any negative comments. Like this blog, I hope this facebook page becomes a place of support and knowledge. I want people to be able to comfortably share pictures and information with one another without fear of any type of negativity or judgement. I hope everyone understands my decision to control the membership for this reason. I’m looking forward to seeing some of you all on Facebook! Until the next blog my lovelies.

 

How do you do all that you do? October 26, 2009

I’m zonked this week. M is working a crazy new schedule that we’re all trying to get accustomed to, the kids are extra busy with school stuff and this is beginning a busy season for both businesses.

The other day I was chatting with a friend who lives in Seoul and she was going on and on about how she admires me and how she doesn’t know how I do it all. She knows I automatically go into deflect mode when she starts talking like that. I do what I do because I don’t want to be doing the same thing in ten years. In ten years I’d like to be whereever I want to live, doing whatever I want to do without having to even THINK about how I’m going to pay for it. In other words, I work my butt off now so that later in my life I can relax and enjoy.

My friend called me her hero. Ugh. While, I appreciate the admiration, the fact of the matter is that there is nothing whatsoever heoric about working to take care of your family and prepare for our future.  People do this all day, everyday. My kudos go out to the single parents who do this on their own. I have help and I recognize that I’m blessed to not only have M but also the kids’ dad being an active part of their lives. It makes it easier for me to balance when I know the kids have family with them. Not everyone has this assistance.

There are tradeoffs to living the kind of life M and I do. I have fewer friends because I can’t always go out when some of my more social friends want to. Eventually, I’m silently dropped from the invitation list. LOL. Why continue to invite someone when their response is always, “No I’m sorry but I can’t.. I have to be at the boutique” or “Sorry girl but I’m wayyy too tired.” I don’t mind no longer being invited because it makes it easier on all of us and takes away any awkward moments that come as a result.  On days when I’m exhausted and I question why I do what I do, there’s a little voice that reminds me that tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us and these things that I trade on a daily basis to work, I may end up one day regretting. It’s always an emotional and physical balancing act. I’m always looking for ways to do a better job as mother, wife and friend. How do you all balance? I’m sure we all do a million things a day.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you all… until the next blog lovelies.

 

MMMM.. The smell of a Curry Filled Home. June 26, 2009

Yesterday I mentioned I had prepared South Indian Shimp Curry for dinner on Father’s Day. M loves seafood (me not so much). I also made salmon croquettes and of course some rice for the curry.

I cook curry often but today was the first time trying the South Indian type curry. I must say it turned out pretty good.  I used curry powder, tumeric, coconut milk, chili powder, tomatoes and a few other items that escape me at this point.

I try to always blend our cultures even in the kitchen. This is a wonderful way to expose the kids to things they would otherwise turn away from. They love trying new dishes when I prepare them. Often I have them help me so that they can learn the fundamentals of cooking. I learned the same way at my grandmother’s knee and my kids love it. 

I’ve posted up a youtube video of an Indian cooking show. The clip is for one of my favorite dishes, dal makni.  I love it with tandoori chicken and parantha. Hopefully seeing it will inspire some of you to experiment in your kitchen.  Until the next blog.

 

Smooth Times on a Rocky Road June 24, 2009

M and A at a Jazz FestivalI begrudingly admit that I was one of the over 10 million viewers who watched the Jon and Kate Plus 8 fiasco last night. It made me think about how many people I know who are going through relationship issues. Even M and I are coming off a week long rocky patch where everything he did annoyed me and everything I did or said annoyed him. It’s the path that every marriage takes. How you walk that path defines you as a couple. I’m thankful that we choose to walk slowly ..together recognizing that every day won’t be a picnic.

Before I got married, my great aunt who has been married for more than half a century gave me a bit of advice. She told me that marriage wasn’t always going to be easy and that there were going to be days where I wanted to unscrew his head off and vice versa but for us always to remember what connected us. That would be our bonding thread through everything. So we take one day at a time. Some days we love harder than on other days but we never stop working on our unity. We recognize that as parents we have an obligation to show the children healthy and well balanced relationships. M is an excellent dad and a good husband. He’s working hard at continuing to adjust to the cultural differences. It’s hard to believe that he’s now been here in the US for two years. My how time flies!

Speaking of fatherhood..We celebrated Father’s Day by watching movies (Defiance, Passenger, Grand Torino and the Wire). I prepared some of M’s favorite foods including Shrimp curry south Indian style. He was in heaven. I was raised to believe that you feed a person’s soul by cooking with love. I wholeheartedly believe that food can be more than just a stomach feeder.

Suprisingly enough, my mother who was so adamantly against my marrying M called him and wished him a happy Father’s Day and to say thank you for being a good father to her grandchildren. Shocked is not the word. We’re still surpised that she called.

I do hope all is well with you readers. Begin gathering your favorite Indian or soul food recipes for me..or any great recipe. Next blog is about cooking for a home full of different taste buds. Until the next blog…

 

A Much Needed Mini Vacation June 8, 2009

Hi Everyone!

I’m finally back to reality after combining a business trip with a much needed getaway. We just got back from Atlanta…took the kids to the zoo and to the Fernbank Museum of Natural History. I love Atl but driving there is nervewrecking, not just because of the other driver, but because of how confusing it can get. With the exception if two places, we got lost everywhere we went. LOL. 

M seemed to be at ease because everywhere we went, we saw other Indians. Where we live it’s a rare sighting. He was shocked at how many other Indians he saw. What was so great is how many other interracial couples we saw. It seemed that everyday we saw at least three or four other IR couples. It’s a great sign about the direction of things. Until the next blog!

 

Long Time No See June 1, 2009

I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve had the opportunity to write on the blog. I appreciate all of the comments and the outreach from people who like the blog.

This past Memorial day, M and the kids and I went camping with several other members of my family. Overall, the weekend was okay except for one major glitch. My youngest aunt called M, Osama as he was walking out of the RV thinking it would be a cute joke.  Thankfully, M said he never heard her. However, other family members did and laughed. I immediately put her in check and told her the remark was extremely tacky. I also asked her how she would feel if someone from his family called her a derogatory name.  She didn’t say anything but I got my point across very very clearly to her and the family members who laughed. I am thankful that M has such a cool personality. He takes everything in stride and never holds a grudge.  I did notice that M and my mother had more camaraderie. Thankfully, despite the sporadic ignorance on the part of my family, he said he had a good time.

In more happy news, we booked our family vacation to Walt Disney later in the year. It’s going to be a busy year of travel because we just recently signed for some commercial property for our business and we have to take a trip to China and we’re thinking of combining it with the one to India. I think the kids are more excited about Disney than anything else. Here’s a tip for all of you who have been thinking about going to Disney some day.. Now is the time! Disney has some unbelievable package deals right now.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before but M is by trade a mechanical engineer with a concentration in automobiles. He was working as a process engineer when he was laid off a few months ago. Thank God we were preparing for something of this nature. It’s been months now and M complains daily about how nothing is panning out for him because of this economy.  Thankfully, we were preparing for something of this nature. We’re hoping the opening of a brick and mortar wholesale business will be successful. In the meantime, I try to keep M’s spirits up. Not having a job is emasculating for him and I try to make sure he knows that I understand and I don’t hold anything against him. As far as me and my kids are concerned, he is still the head of this household. That being said, M now feels that because he’s not working he cannot take part of major money decisions. We have to go back and forth three or four times before he will finally make a decision on an issue related to money. It’s frustrating.  I want him to remember that no matter what happens, he’s still the husband and father. That doesn’t change because of job status.

We live in an area that isn’t as open to racial diversity as it claims to be. I think being Indian is making M’s job search a little more difficult. The way I see it, is that those people who won’t hire him because of how he sounds or because he’s from a different culture are the ones missing out and if someone doesn’t want you for asinine reasons, it’s not the place for you anyway. I’d much rather work in an environment where people respect differences.

Sorry it took so long to post a new blog… more to come so until the next blog…

Blindian

 

 
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