A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

Interracial Dating-Can’t We All Just Get Along? April 13, 2009

I’m constantly scouring the web in search of information on intercultural relationships. I’m always interested in how other couples balance out cultural differences. I came across the above YouTube video on one of these quests. To say I am apalled at some of the things I heard on the video is putting it mildly. While I’m glad to hear the candidness of the interviewees, it doesn’t take away my surprise at how some people view African American women who date outside of their race.

In my never ending quest for information, I also came across www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com  The website is packed full of inspiring stories for women dating outside of their culture.

While I was reading through the posts, something I read hit home. The author was talking about the importance of black women not being afraid to step outside of their race to date. I knew this was a problem but until I read her words, it just didn’t click how some women may struggle with this decision.  My grandmother always raised me to see the best in a person and to be open to dating and marrying anyone as long as they treated me with respect. I’ve taken this advice with me through my life and have dated everyone from a Pakistani to a Saudi as well as a Hispanic guy and of course Indian. I’ve never struggled with my decision to date outside of my own culture so I just assumed the problem was isolated. Apparently it isn’t.

It saddens me to think that many women won’t date someone because they are from another culture. I know that often we are raised to “stick with our own kind” but think about how many opportunities at true love could be missed out on just because someone’s heart is closed to someone who doesn’t look like them.

I know the people who say stick to your own kind are probably only stating it because they feel it will protect you from being hurt or rejected. However, if this is the only reason why you are choosing not to be open to other experiences (i.e. people) then perhaps you should rethink why your happiness is so connected to the opinions of other people.

I once had a co-worker tell me I was going to hell because the Bible specifically talks about how dating or marrying outside of your own. I pulled my Bible from my desk drawer and asked him what scripture I could find that in. He fumbled around and finally made an excuse to leave the room. To this day, I’m still waiting for him to tell me where he got his information from.  People will tell you all kinds of crap if they think it will help them get their propaganda across.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand the whole argument by some people that we’re “selling out” or not supporting our black men the way we should. However, that argument in my opinion does not have legs to stand on.  I could go on and on about statistics of how many black men date outside of their race versus the number of black women who do the same. I could also go on and on about how women traditionally are the ones who stand by their partner unwavering and longer in times of hardship but I won’t.  At the end of the day, they are all generalizations and not everyone fits into that one neat statistical box.

The point of all of this is that people should be free to love who they want despite the differences that others may see as obstacles. If you’re interested in dating outside of your race and you haven’t, ask yourself why. Is it due to fear of the unknown or is it due to lack of opportunity. Is it because all of your life it’s been hammered into you that you shouldn’t date anyone that doesn’t look like you?  Whatever the reason ask yourself are you happy with not exploring other options available to you.  Until the next blog…


7 Responses to “Interracial Dating-Can’t We All Just Get Along?”

  1. Tom Says:

    “I know the people who say stick to your own kind are probably only stating it because they feel it will protect you from being hurt or rejected.”

    Or… they say “stick to your own kind” because that is what they have always done; the reason being that they, themselves, are either too frightened or small-minded to venture out into the wider world.

    People often subconciously transfer their own fears and stigma onto others.

    I was fortunate enough to spend most of my teenage years mixing with kids from the black community (my best friend was of Barbadian parents) so race and differing cultures have never been a problem for me.

    I was adopted when very young and, having traced my natural mother and the rest of her “multitude” of children, I was appalled to find that at least two of my half-sisters are extremely racist. My early attempts (some twenty years ago now) to sway their opinions met with such fierce opposition that I decided it would be better to just keep my own council.

    They will meet Amanda this year… so that should be interesting !

    Ignorance and prejudice are curses some people bestow on their children, to the detriment of all society.

    Keep up the good work B. 🙂

  2. blindianlove Says:

    Great to see you again. You are so very right about your comments… so right that you’re the inspiration for tonight’s blog…take a look at it and let me know what you think. I think you feedback is vital for others to read since you are the male half of an IR.

  3. Gori Girl Says:

    I hear you on the lack of easily available intercultural resources. I’ve started a bit of a collection on my website here.

  4. Shawntaye Says:

    I’m showing some love to you and leaving my mark on here. I love the blog and it gives me inspiration in my own endeavors that I have in dating outside of my ethnicity. Thank you lady!

  5. diverse Says:

    You did the right thing by snatching the holy book off his desk. it’s a shame how he blasphemed God like that.Maybe if he look at Numbers 12 and learned how god REALLY felt about mixed marriages, he would probably faint.

  6. Della Says:

    This was such a great read. Loved it…thank you :).

  7. Temisan Says:

    Hello nice Lady, you wont believe how i stumbled on your site,I was actually looking for black lady and indian man couple picture so i can put on my vision wall and then i saw this blog. i must say it has encouraged me. Am a nigerian young woman who has been inspired by your blog and i know someday my indian Prince will find me. Please keep writting looking forward to reading much of your work.

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