A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

Family Holidays April 13, 2009

Today M celebrated his second Easter here in the states. This year was much celebratory than last year for some reason. The kids had an Easter egg hunt yesterday and today family and friends celebrated the resurrection of Christ. I watch M closely at this gathering.

Even though he’s been here for almost two years I find that he is still a bit hesitant around my family, my mother specifically.  Watching the two of them is like watching two birds doing a delicate dance. My mother swears she still has problems understanding him sometimes even though M’s English is fluent. She’s still trying to feel him out to see if there is a motive behind him marrying her daughter. M on the other hand is simply sitting in the shadows watching. I know this because after every family gathering, he peppers me with questions about what happened and who said what.

Even after two years the conversation between M and my mom usually consists of no more than two or three sentences at a time and they are always the same. This, even as she says he’s her favorite son-in-law and how good he is with the kids.  

I think we will always be this way with each of our families. When I’m around M’s family I always struggle to find something to talk about other than the weather or everyone’s health.  I sometimes dream of the camaraderie that both families could have if everyone was open to learning about the other’s culture. I’m trying to convince my family to go to India with us later this year so that both families can meet and begin to embrace one another’s lifestyles. So far, I’m being met with resistance. It’s easier for my family to go there than M’s family to come here.

One of the things that frustrates me about my culture the most is the lack of desire to see and experience the world.  Many African Americans are hesitant about going outside of the country. Often this is connected to fear of the unknown. We’re afraid of violence or constantly worried something bad may happen.  Then there’s the assumption that traveling outside of the country is too expensive to ever be able to afford. I’m by no means wealthy but I’ve seen parts of the world others only see on television and the memories associated with those trips are something I wouldn’t trade for the world.  Now I can’t sit still long without having some type of trip up my sleeve. If I can offer a piece of advice to everyone afraid to travel, it would be to always keep your options open. Take the opportunity to explore the world and its inhabitants around you. It can only serve to help you grow as a person.

Even if my family does not decide to travel with us later this year, I still hope that we can get the two families together soon to celebrate in one big reception. Until then M and I are like the mainland to two very different islands.  

I’d like to know more about you my readers…where have you traveled to or where would you like to travel to if you could go anywhere in the world with no costs?  How did you find the blog?  M and I are hoping to hear from you soon.  Until the next blog….

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11 Responses to “Family Holidays”

  1. Alisha Says:

    I found you via Evia’s blog. I look forward to reading. If your family doesn’t want to go to India, I would love to!! I have travelled to Europe (Belgium, Germany, Netherlands) and would love to see other countries. I am very interested in other cultures and hope that you can inspire your family to reach out and grow through that kind of experience!!

    • blindianlove Says:

      Alisha,
      Thanks for reading the blog. The more people who go, the merrier! LOL. I think my family’s resistance on going has more to do with the fear I spoke about in the blog. Everything will be new to them- language, food, way of living etc. For some people, stepping outside of the comfort zone is a horrifying thought. I’ll keep you posted.

  2. De Anna Says:

    Hi,

    I found your blog from the Black Female Interracial Marriage blog. Your message about travel and exposing yourself to more diversity really resonated with me since I feel that is exactly what I need to do to have the quality of life I crave. I’m a single 29 year old black female in the South, currently attending graduate school and looking forward to traveling to different parts of the world and meeting diverse, open minded people when I finish. For as long as I can remember I was more attracted to white men than black men and I have felt guilty, shamed and hopeless because I felt like an outsider for my views and preferences. It’s very discouraging living in the conservative South because I feel ignored and undervalued by both black and white men but it’s good for me to hear about other people’s experiences and realize that I’m not alone.

    I look forward to reading more from you. Thank you for sharing!

    • blindianlove Says:

      Deanna,
      I’m so glad you’re considering traveling. I can promise you that once you begin to experience other cultures and seeing the beauty in other parts of the world, you will never be the same. For me traveling is like a salve that heals all wounds. Good luck on everything. Oh and one more suggestion… don’t be afraid to travel alone if it comes to that. I went to Dubai alone and it was one of the best trips ever. I’ve also traveled to St. Martin alone and to Mexico. My only suggestion if you do travel alone is to travel smart. Email me if you need anything.

  3. Sarah Says:

    I found your website off MTI. I just wanted to say I am enjoying reading your blog. I’ve been to India 3 times and so much about what you wrote resonated with me. My DH is also from Kerela, so it is neat to read about him and his family. Although I am not AA, it is interesting to read since I find it sometimes a challenge to be in an inter-racial marriage (although I never call it that) from societies perspective.

    Anyways, thank you for sharing part of your life and keep writing–I’ll be reading 🙂

    Sarah

    • blindianlove Says:

      Sarah,
      Thank you very much for supporting the blog. I’m glad you are enoying it and that the blog is resonating with you as it is with so many others. Thank you as well for being open minded as you read the blog. Even though it’s a glimpse into an AA and EI relationship, the blog is for everyone no matter what their race, religion, or creed is. Thank you very much for recognizing this.

  4. Sanaa Says:

    I have only been to Las Vegas, California and Chicago. I want to go to England and France and then maybe Italy.

  5. Gori Girl Says:

    M’s interactions with your mother sound exactly like my interactions with MIL!! Aditya (my Indian husband) always cracks up when we’re on the phone talking to one another, because it’s so stilted – I think we’re both trying to hard to give a good impression, even after knowing each other for four years.

    As far as travel, well, I’ve been to Germany (lived there for nine months) & traveled around Europe a bit, Mexico & Canada, and also India. I’d love to revisit parts of Europe in the future, and also South America & New Zealand. I won’t put India on my list of “must go” places, since we end up traveling there every year or two to visit family.

  6. Empress Samantha Says:

    A little late but I found your blog on the Blindian Network. I’m a member there since I’m a black woman interested in dating Indian men. I love traveling!! I went to India when I was 2, my parents tell me I didn’t want to leave. I definitely plan to return one day. I just graduated college and I’ve studied in Austria and Spain but I’ve visited Germany, France and England. I start studying for my MA in International Studies soon before going to law school so I’m anxious to study abroad again!

  7. Chweetgurl Says:

    Hi my partner intro me to your blog quite interesting 🙂
    I am Indian girl and my partner is British African i have met his family and i live with him in UK.We are an blindian couple as well 🙂


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