A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

To Stay or Not to Stay..That is the Question April 17, 2009


At least once a week M and I have the same conversation. I want to move back to India or at least spend part of the year there. M thinks I’m nuts and is concerned about trying to rebuild a life there. He’s also concerned about our son’s allergies and asthma. I can understand the asthma problems in Delhi (smog and air pollution) and even Kerala (various greenery) but in Goa he seems to do well and we’ve found that the allergy flair ups usually come in spring and summer. I think it’s possible, M isn’t so sure.  We have this conversation at least once a week and it always ends the same-in non decision. It’s kind of like the should we have a baby or not discussion. We at least agree on that matter it’s just the timing of it all.

After spending so much time in India, I consider the country to be a second home for me and I miss the pulse and vibrancy of Delhi and Goa. I miss the quietness of Kerala at night. It’s very hard to explain but the country is in my blood now.

In addition to my full-time job, I have two businesses that can operate from virtually anywhere in the world. One is a voiceover business (if you’re interested, email me and I’ll send you the website link) and the other is a catalog and e-commerce jewelry and accessory business (www.paysonjewels.com) so I think we can survive anywhere.  I understand M’s concerns. He’s over 40 now and finding a job in India at his age can difficult since the country’s population is so young.

One of the other reasons I want to move is because I want my children to have a different kind of life. Every day you pick up the paper or watch the news, there’s been another shooting or some random act of death that can’t be explained. As a mother, I am keenly aware of the kinds of things my children are exposed to when they are at school and no amount of piano lessons, soccer or scouts can remove some of the peer pressure they are and will be exposed to as they get older.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve enough to think that we can move away from all things negative. However, say what we will about countries on the other side of the world but they have very different kinds of crime than we do here. We don’t hear about schools or hospitals being shot up the way we do here. And whether we like it or not, their kids are usually more educated than ours. There’s something to be said for this. As parents we want to give our children the best opportunities available to them. We want them healthy, educated and filled with integrity. We want them to hold on to the childhood innocence they have now before becoming stained with the negativity of the world. As parents, we are fighting like hell to do this with each passing day.  We’ve got great kids.. we know it and we want them to remain so.

We have a great number of decisions to make in the coming days…Until the next blog.


8 Responses to “To Stay or Not to Stay..That is the Question”

  1. zetagirl Says:

    Just discovered your blogged. It’s wonderful. Can’t wait to ‘live vicariously’ through you and your experiences. moving down the street much less across the world is a big decision. Somehow, I know you and your husband will make the right one. God bless and look forward to your next post!

    • blindianlove Says:

      Zetagirl, thanks for the blog love. Hopefully we’ll make a decision soon. Thanks for the well wishes.

  2. ola Says:


    I enjoy your blog. I was born in Guyana (South America) and a relationship like yours is very common. I initially thought your family was Caribbean and spent a whole night reading all your post..lol. My bf is a 1/4 East Indian from Jamaica. I love that you are sharing your experience and especially enjoy reading about your experience in India. Like zetagirl I’ll be living vicariously through your blog also 🙂

    I’d be interested in the link to your voiceover business. ^_^

    • blindianlove Says:

      Thanks for the comments. I’m surprised (and delighted) that you read through all of the posts in one night! I’ve been hearing how Guyana has such a wonderful blend of Indian and black relationships. So very cool. I’m sending you the link you requested via email. Thanks again!

  3. Sanaa Says:

    What was it like living there? I have such a jaded view of what I think Indians think of black people. I wonder if you could tell me how they treated you over there. I love the video footage.

    Looks like that dog got lucky and got a fresh meal. Poor bird.

  4. blacklily Says:

    Hi B,

    I would be interested in your voiceover link as well. rebirth73@gmail.com

  5. Keri Says:

    I too am interested in the voiceover business. I’ve had several people, when talking on the phone, tell me that I should get into that business – and these are people that I don’t even know. A compliment, indeed!

  6. diverse Says:

    As a kid, I remembered my grandparents telling me about the “good ole’ days”: They were required to go to church/sunday school, no back talk or your get waxed, etc. In general, my grandparents and the elders grew up with strong morals, character and integrity. They also did things the hard, but best way of doing it. To some it may seem ancient and arduous, but at least they were raised with some great standards. This is the way I would have wanted to raised my kids. These days, we cannot raise our kids with some of these standards because it may be deemed to restrictive/abusive,( though the elders turned out just fine.)

    I’m not sure if I could live in another county, but if I had to I would pick France, Senegal, Costa Rica or Quebec . i mention those countries because my minor was French( I took some Spanish as well) . I have thought about going to Quebec( I have to get over my fear of flying). I like culture and language.I think that it would help me brush up on my languages.

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