Time has been short over the last few days but I’ll pick back up tomorrow hopefully. One of the things I’ll definitely be writing about is how stereotypes even creep up in mixed relationships. It’s times like those that require an extra dose of patience.
I do hope all is well. I’d like to hear from all of you about what you want to see on the blog. It helps me know what subjects interest you.
Be well my dear sweet readers.
Blindian…until the next blog
A Journey In Black and Indian Love 
I absolutely love your blog. So insightful. I’m just now working on the idea of interracial dating. Not to seek it out but to certainly be more open. Your family is beautiful. Continue to be blessed!
Zetagirl,
Thanks for the comments. I’m glad you are now being more open to the idea of interracial dating. If you don’t mind my asking, why have you been closed to the idea before? I’m always curious about why some people don’t date outside of their race. Good luck and one of my next few posts will be dedicated to you so to speak. I’ll make list of tips for interracial dating.
Sadly, i think I’ve never really noticed others. Sure, in passing, you may see someone attractive but then, you keep it moving. Funny story is I now realize a Paskitani guy I used to work with (and he was FINE by everyone’s standards) liked me and I totally didn’t see it. My co-workers would make comments but I didn’t think about it until years later. I also don’t think alot of the times I’m in the settings that non-black men are in besides work. Unfortunately, I’m gusess I’m not to far along in my thinking because I would consider a nonblack man but I don’t know if I’d consider a white one. You are definitely helpig me with this.
Your blog is such an inspiration to those of us in similar circumstances. I’d love to hear more about how your and M’s relationship developed and what impact, if any, cultural differences had on that development.
Thanks for writing!
Sonya,
Thanks for writing. I’ll definitely be writing about that when I have enough time in the coming days. Even just over the last few days there have been a couple of things that made me raise my eyebrows in the cultrual department.
Hi. I’d love to have some advice from you and your readers on the following… I have been friends with a man in India for the last several years. We met through work, and until recently, there didn’t seem to be any romantic connection between us (perhaps at least partially because we had both been seeing other people). I took a trip to India last summer, my first one, and he and I ended up flirting like crazy, but neither of us said anything to the other about the feelings that were developing on both sides. After I returned home to the States, everything came out between us via email, and we agreed that we were both idiots/chickens for not having said anything while we were in the same hemisphere. So… lots of emailing and IMing ensued, and our connection became stronger. At this point, he told me that he needed for us to keep the relationship quiet for now, until he became comfortable with sharing it with the world. I agreed, but told him I couldn’t do that for any real length of time, that it wasn’t ‘me’ to keep something like that secret. Anyway, in an attempt to see if the relationship could really work in person (and not just virtually), I went back to India less than 6 months after my first trip. We had an amazing time. Incredible. And then? … he said that we could never be public because of the cultural/religious differences, etc. He said that he had been trying to figure out a way that ‘we’ could possibly be, but ended up deciding it just couldn’t happen. He was crying when he told me this, and kept saying that he thought it was our destiny to have met, and to have shared the time we had, etc., that I am precious to him, but that it clearly wasn’t our destiny to be together forever. I told him that I had thought that many people in India seemed to be willing to go against the grain, and fight family/society/etc to have intercultural relationships… he said that it was very complicated for him because of his caste. He is a brahmin. So here is my question: is it easier / less of a battle for people in some castes to go against society in the name of love than it is for others? Also, what’s with this destiny thing? I mean, of course I understand the concept generally, but it seems to me that if we decided to try to make it work, that would be our destiny. My brain gets very twisted around how free will and fate intersect in the Hindu beliefs. Anyway, I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts about this. I am at home now, and while I know I should cut off any romantic emails/calls/IMs, I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. I’m still holding out hope, I guess. Thanks for your help. ~Ellie
Sadly, i think I’ve never really noticed others. Sure, in passing, you may see someone attractive but then, you keep it moving. Funny story is I now realize a Paskitani guy I used to work with (and he was FINE by everyone’s standards) liked me and I totally didn’t see it. My co-workers would make comments but I didn’t think about it until years later. I also don’t think alot of the times I’m in the settings that non-black men are in besides work. Unfortunately, I’m gusess I’m not to far along in my thinking because I would consider a nonblack man but I don’t know if I’d consider a white one. You are definitely helpig me with this.
Hello again,
Can I just say to Ellie how appalled I am at the way she has been treated.
Leaving aside all the religious, racial, caste and tradition elements, he knew the situation all along and should have been open and honest enough to explain that right from the start.
There is absolutely no difference between him and a man who is already married but hides that, rather important, fact.
Maybe he was trying to find out within himself whether he had the strength to “go against the grain” but, even if that were the case, he should have had the moral integrity to explain that to you from the outset.
I don’t like to be hard, Ellie, but ask yourself this. If he can lie to you about something as important as this, what chance does the relationship have ?
A friend of mine on another blog only yesterday posted a part of a message she received from someone she is getting “friendly” with over the internet. It reads like this….
“Neither of us is into a “conquest”, as conquests always require make-beliefs and masks, which end up on the muddy ground of disappointment. No, we are not, are not any longer, actors in that play. We are experiencing a meeting, ever so strange, comforting, attractive, distant, virtual still. I will not presume what will remain or disappear from it. But I will live through everything it brings along.
I simply take it on trust.”
Ellie, what more can one ask of anyone in this life but trust ?
You have been denied that one basic tenet of any relationship, so “give it up girl” and move on.
Just my opinion.
Ellie,
I agree with Tom. This guy knew from the start that he would not be willing to go against the societal norms. I asked M whether it would be more difficult for hm because of his caste and M says no that if he really wanted the relationship he wouldn’t necessarily have any more hassles than the average Indian who goes against the norm.
However, that beings said, I’m not sure if I agree with M on that. Of course he’s more familiar with the norms of his country but I have observed that some castes seem to be more open to change. Of course there are many factors which can alter this including the religion and education of the family.
It appears that the handwriting is on the wall with this guy. If he seemed uncomfortable being out with you during your visit or uncomfortable with the idea of an intercultural relationship, it may be a good idea to slowly begin to cut off communication with him. I say slowly because you said you haven’t been able to do so thus far. So if you’re finding difficulty in do so, just make it one less call or email a day until it doesn’t hurt so badly. Look at it like slowly easing off a band-aid.
Don’t chase after someone who doesn’t want you. He knew from the beginning who you were and what you were about. You can’t magically turn yourself into an Indian woman. But you can transform into a woman with the strength to accept what this guy is handing out with grace. He’s the not the first and only Indian guy who has had to make the decision to stand up for what he believes in or desires.
Good luck on everything Ellie. Keep us posted.