A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

Long Time No See June 1, 2009

I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve had the opportunity to write on the blog. I appreciate all of the comments and the outreach from people who like the blog.

This past Memorial day, M and the kids and I went camping with several other members of my family. Overall, the weekend was okay except for one major glitch. My youngest aunt called M, Osama as he was walking out of the RV thinking it would be a cute joke.  Thankfully, M said he never heard her. However, other family members did and laughed. I immediately put her in check and told her the remark was extremely tacky. I also asked her how she would feel if someone from his family called her a derogatory name.  She didn’t say anything but I got my point across very very clearly to her and the family members who laughed. I am thankful that M has such a cool personality. He takes everything in stride and never holds a grudge.  I did notice that M and my mother had more camaraderie. Thankfully, despite the sporadic ignorance on the part of my family, he said he had a good time.

In more happy news, we booked our family vacation to Walt Disney later in the year. It’s going to be a busy year of travel because we just recently signed for some commercial property for our business and we have to take a trip to China and we’re thinking of combining it with the one to India. I think the kids are more excited about Disney than anything else. Here’s a tip for all of you who have been thinking about going to Disney some day.. Now is the time! Disney has some unbelievable package deals right now.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before but M is by trade a mechanical engineer with a concentration in automobiles. He was working as a process engineer when he was laid off a few months ago. Thank God we were preparing for something of this nature. It’s been months now and M complains daily about how nothing is panning out for him because of this economy.  Thankfully, we were preparing for something of this nature. We’re hoping the opening of a brick and mortar wholesale business will be successful. In the meantime, I try to keep M’s spirits up. Not having a job is emasculating for him and I try to make sure he knows that I understand and I don’t hold anything against him. As far as me and my kids are concerned, he is still the head of this household. That being said, M now feels that because he’s not working he cannot take part of major money decisions. We have to go back and forth three or four times before he will finally make a decision on an issue related to money. It’s frustrating.  I want him to remember that no matter what happens, he’s still the husband and father. That doesn’t change because of job status.

We live in an area that isn’t as open to racial diversity as it claims to be. I think being Indian is making M’s job search a little more difficult. The way I see it, is that those people who won’t hire him because of how he sounds or because he’s from a different culture are the ones missing out and if someone doesn’t want you for asinine reasons, it’s not the place for you anyway. I’d much rather work in an environment where people respect differences.

Sorry it took so long to post a new blog… more to come so until the next blog…

Blindian

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4 Responses to “Long Time No See”

  1. Journee Says:

    I find it incredibly refreshing reading your blog! Thanks for sharing bits and pieces of your life with us. I am a black female and I have always been openminded when it comes to dating outside of my race. If I am attracted to you, we have great chemistry and you are respectful, I will consider dating you. However, within the past couple of years I’ve found myself strongly attracted to Asian Indian men and I think that’s because I am around more of them where I live and go to school. Although they are respectful and very friendly, I don’t think the ones I know are open to dating black women.

    Anyhow, I’m glad to read that your husband had a great time with your family inspite of the rude comment your aunt made. I personally don’t like when anyone jokes like that. But when they do, they should have a very close relationship with that person and even then, the person should know (and moreover, be cool) with the motivations and the subtext of the joke. Of course that wasn’t the case here. M was supposed to be the joke….she wanted to get a laugh out of everyone but him. Sounds like someone is jealous of you if you ask me…

    From reading your blog I feel like I know you! hahaha. I know it sounds weird. Continue writing because I enjoy reading it.

    Take care…
    ~Journee

  2. Nayo Says:

    …”Anyhow, I’m glad to read that your husband had a great time with your family inspite of the rude comment your aunt made. I personally don’t like when anyone jokes like that. But when they do, they should have a very close relationship with that person and even then, the person should know (and moreover, be cool) with the motivations and the subtext of the joke. Of course that wasn’t the case here. M was supposed to be the joke….she wanted to get a laugh out of everyone but him. Sounds like someone is jealous of you if you ask me…(Journee)

    ————————————————

    I agree; that was pretty bad/disappointing. wow. I agree with the jealousy thing; wanting to cause strife. You both sound like wonderful young people. Wishing you and yours, the best….

  3. boston123 Says:

    Hi,

    I want to wish you and your family all the best. As a Asian Indian immigrant myself, I feel most immigrant communities could do more to learn about the history of the African American struggle in the US. Most immigrants would not hesitate to take advantage of government programs for minorities, without realizing the sweat and blood sacrificed by generations of African Americans to gain this. We recent immigrants( say after 1970’s) have much to thank the African Amerian community and leadership for.

    I am not sure if your SO has done this or not, but you could ask him to read some of the books by Booker T. Washington, and others. A series of TV documentaries by Henry Louis Gates( of Harvard), document the role of African Americans during Lincoln’s time, and how Lincoln came to change his mind, can be very educative. I also listen to Tavis Smiley regularly on Public Radio, and love his show. And finally, there is a awesome book recently published by Dr Benjamin Carson, the head pediatric neurologist at John Hopkins University, about persevering to reach seemingly unattainable goals.. I heard him speak once, and thought he was a great motivator.

    Personally I love the law, and have just read a book about Mrs Dredd Scott, and what a strong woman she was in the early 20th century. I think every American citizen should try to understand what some of the landmark cases that marked turning points in civil rights meant, in our country: Brown vs Board of Education( which Thurgood Marshall won), Plessey vs Ferguson etc..

    Unlike kids going to school here, recent immigrants are rarely taught US history, especially the parts relating to contributions of African Americans and their struggles. I had a suggestion for the judge who swore me in as a US Citizen, in 1989 : Every person who chooses to live in the US, should understand that America owes a huge debt of gratitude to African Americans( perhaps the only group that did not come to the US voluntarily), and that living in the US also involves taking on some special obligations to make sure all citizens have access to the opportunities that they are now enjoying!

    • blindianlove Says:

      Wow! It was so awesome reading your post. Thank you very much for taking the time to write. I’ve passed along your suggestions to M. He’s an avid reader and love to learn anything new. It’s funny you should mention what immigrants are taught in school in relation to US history, specifically the Civil Rights Movement because I just asked M about that a few days back and he was saying the topic is fairly glossed over and is basically a blip on the screen compared to the other US history they learn. That’s sad to know. I feel as that if more of our experience was shared, there may not be the as much strife and misunderstanding between the cultures.


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