A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

Smooth Times on a Rocky Road June 24, 2009

M and A at a Jazz FestivalI begrudingly admit that I was one of the over 10 million viewers who watched the Jon and Kate Plus 8 fiasco last night. It made me think about how many people I know who are going through relationship issues. Even M and I are coming off a week long rocky patch where everything he did annoyed me and everything I did or said annoyed him. It’s the path that every marriage takes. How you walk that path defines you as a couple. I’m thankful that we choose to walk slowly ..together recognizing that every day won’t be a picnic.

Before I got married, my great aunt who has been married for more than half a century gave me a bit of advice. She told me that marriage wasn’t always going to be easy and that there were going to be days where I wanted to unscrew his head off and vice versa but for us always to remember what connected us. That would be our bonding thread through everything. So we take one day at a time. Some days we love harder than on other days but we never stop working on our unity. We recognize that as parents we have an obligation to show the children healthy and well balanced relationships. M is an excellent dad and a good husband. He’s working hard at continuing to adjust to the cultural differences. It’s hard to believe that he’s now been here in the US for two years. My how time flies!

Speaking of fatherhood..We celebrated Father’s Day by watching movies (Defiance, Passenger, Grand Torino and the Wire). I prepared some of M’s favorite foods including Shrimp curry south Indian style. He was in heaven. I was raised to believe that you feed a person’s soul by cooking with love. I wholeheartedly believe that food can be more than just a stomach feeder.

Suprisingly enough, my mother who was so adamantly against my marrying M called him and wished him a happy Father’s Day and to say thank you for being a good father to her grandchildren. Shocked is not the word. We’re still surpised that she called.

I do hope all is well with you readers. Begin gathering your favorite Indian or soul food recipes for me..or any great recipe. Next blog is about cooking for a home full of different taste buds. Until the next blog…

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11 Responses to “Smooth Times on a Rocky Road”

  1. Gori Girl Says:

    All is pretty well here – the inlaws are visiting. 🙂 I agree that there are definitely ups & downs and rough patches in any marriage – it’s just part of life.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Gori Girl,
      Thanks for dropping by. I’m a bit green tha that you have your in laws here with you. We can’t get Amma to even go to the passport office. She’s pretty adamant about not coming here, although she says sure, she isn’t interested in doing any of the things necessary to get here. Nor is she interested in M or any of his family getting things done for her. Enjoy your time with the in laws.

  2. Shawntaye Says:

    Hey Alisa, I just want to say that it’s not just marriages that go through rough patches, relationships in general do. I’m going through a rough patch now with my best friend. I don’t know if our friendship is going to survive it. We shall see.

  3. Stacee Says:

    Just want to say that I love reading your blog!

    I find that having a spirtual connection with each other is very important. When it comes to love, as with everything else in my life, I believe God needs to be a part of the union because when God is involved, two people are equally yoked. Do you find time to pray together? You’re right, how you deal with those times of hardships are the defining moments in your relationships that either strengthens it or weakens it.

    You sound like you two have a solid marriage so I know everything will work out. Be encouraged! Hugz*

    • blindianlove Says:

      Stacee,
      Thanks for dropping by the blog. We’re learning to roll with the punches. This week was back to marriage as normal. LOL.

  4. Ann Says:

    Hi,
    I was married to a guy from Bangladesh. Unfortunately, the marriage did not work out. However, that was in the middle of 1984. Fortunately, some relationships between Asian people and AA people have changed for the positive. We had one good looking son…hmmm, that was the mother in me being proud.

    Btw, isn’t it time to give your Mother a break? She is trying to reach out to your husband….let the past go my friend and enjoy the present.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Ann,
      Sorry to hear your marriage didn’t work out. The issue with my mother is that she’s not consistent and the only reason she being so very kind was because she needed something in the days following. We knew it was too good to be true. There’s much to my relationship with my mother that I don’t and won’t post here. I wasn’t raised by her. I was raised by my grandmother for the majority of my life and unfortunately she’s not the type of person who grows to see the error of her ways.

      Even today she tried to override a decision that M made concerning the children. After hearing what was going on, I realized that he was right and she was wrong. He was upset about the fact that he’s the parent on site and instead of her asking him for permission for them to go somewhere, she asks the kids as though M wasnt’ standing there. He feels disrepected by her as well he should by the way she behaves. She’s my mother and I love her but she grates my nerves in ways no one else can.

  5. mysskay Says:

    Thanks for sharing your real life occurrences. You don’t have to and I for one really appreciate your willingness to be open and honest.

    Cute picture of you and hubby!

    Be encouraged and keep the faith.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Mysskay,
      Thank you so much for the kind words. It’s never easy to put your business on “front street” because you’re opening yourself up to needless criticism. However, I do it because I know there are so many people in relationships like ours who wonder if there are others like us out there. Black and Indian marriages and relationships are not the norm so there’s very little on the Internet about them. When M and I first got together, I scoured the web looking for anyone who could give me insight into Blindian relationships. Needless to say it wasn’t an easy task. This is one reason why I created the blog. I hope that we become a source of information for other couples.

      I also hope that people understand that while we are ethnically different, we’re just like every other married couple with a family who’s trying to make sure the kids are healthy, educated and happy.

  6. Ann Says:

    I hope everything is well with the two of you. Stay close to each other. As some would say, “Never go to be angry.” Have a little sex and you both will feel better.

  7. Mojo Says:

    Wow, I am impressed, you have a good man here. As a half Keralite living in the US for the past 15 years I have to say, Indians can be pretty racist. And for M to accept not just you but your children even though I am sure the family was against it, speaks volumes about him. Hang on to this one girlfriend!!


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