A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

Family Reunion September 29, 2009

My great aunt and M

Labor Day weekend,  M and I attended my family reunion on my grandfather’s side. This was the third reunion he’s attended since he’s been here in the U.S.   I love my elders. It occured to me this past weekend how welcoming my relatives at the reunions have been to Manoj. No one told looked at him strangely or mimicked his accent. In fact, I have one great aunt (72 years old) that absolutely adores M. I’ve posted a pic of the two of them above.  She made a beeline for him at this most recent reunion within seconds of speaking to me.  She spent more time posing for pictures with him and telling him how much she adored him than she did spending time with some of our other relatives. This was my momentary eutopia where everything was they way it SHOULD be. There was lots of unbiased love for him. More importantly, M loves her and finds her attention special.

It’s always disappointing when I hear of families that don’t accept the other mate from the other culture. Even though my mother is much more accepting toward Manoj and calls him her favorite son in law, I have recently noticed that there is still a small underlying level of uncomfortableness she seems to have around him.. almost a kind formalness if that makes sense. He’s been here for more than two years now so somehow I don’t think that will ever change.  I think the only reason I only recently noticed her kind formalness toward him was because of the stark difference in how my extended relatives treated him at the reunion. They didn’t try to change up a joke or drop any of the cultural colloquialisms just because they were in front on him. My mother does it all of the time. It’s not that she’s not kind towards M, nor is it a situation where she doesn’t respect him. She does. It’s just a bit difficult to explain the difference. I think perhaps part of my mother’s behavior may lie in her lack of understanding about other cultures in general, not just M’s. When she was so upset about the intial marriage between M and I, she kept saying how she just didn’t trust foreign men.

On the other hand, my MIL is as loving and as I say, “cool as a fan.” Anyone else see the irony in this?

I awaken each day with the hope and dream of a grand gathering between M’s family and mine.. a couple of days of learning and communication about one another’s cultures and a realization of how we really are more alike than anyone thinks. Although I know this is a long shot, I never give up the hope. Until the next blog my lovelies.

A

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8 Responses to “Family Reunion”

  1. Stacee Says:

    Well hellloooo! How are you doing? Bout time you wrote another blog, missy! haha! The only reason I checked ur site today is cuz I saw ya on BNK…so I figured, hmm..let me check again. : )

    Anywho, AWWWW! I really LOOOVE the pic of your mom and your hubby!

    I would stay hopeful, Mrs. A. But from the beginning when ur mom was totally uncomfy and upset that he was foreign–to now, I must say it seems like she has came a long way. I understand what you mean about her feeling like she has to watch exactly what she says in front of him, tho. She is still adjusting and she may never completely beable to relate to him. For the most part, her behavior probably will remain the same. Just tell your husband to continue being himself around her, (and maybe even open up to her more, if he wants more of a relationship with her, that is) extending more of his hand since she is more reserved. And meanwhile you just keep loving your mom and your hubby. lol Hope you guys had fun!

  2. Alisa Says:

    Stacy,
    That’s not my mom. LOL. It’s my great aunt on my grandfather’s side. She’s 72 and is as spry as they come. She adores M.

    Thanks for the advice. My mom really isn’t a reserved person.. just around M. He’s always quiet until he gets home and sometimes I can’t shut him up. LOL.

    I know I’ve got to get better about posting. So much stuff has been going on but I’ll do better. PROMISE.

    • Stacee Says:

      Oops!! Look at me…..I did not read that correctly, and did a lot of assuming. I’m sorry! Forgive me…(walks away embarrassed) lol

  3. blindianlove Says:

    LOL. No need to be embarrassed. My mom is relatively young. She’s 52 years old. Thanks for keeping up with us Stacee.. good luck on your curry.

  4. Stacee Says:

    Yes, your mom is very young! Good for her. And I will definetely let you all know how it turns out when I make it. I am going to practice first, to see how it turns out. The basmati rice sounds good! I think I’m going to use that.

    Thanks!

  5. Empress Samantha Says:

    I have missed your blogs!!! I really enjoy reading them. I too wish people could see similarities between cultures.

  6. This is my first time visiting your blog and I have to say-I love it! Thanks for adding this to cyber space! I will keep you both in my meditations!!

  7. I deeply understand your mother’s uncomfortable state . I call myself a bit delusional when it comes to other races. When I was in high school I only wanted to date Spanish guys, But i felt sooo uncomfortable around them. I felt that I would offend their culture if I was my complete self around them. I would look around my high school and I would see other black girls with their Spanish dudes, and I would say what is she doing different?. I would happen to know the girl and she acted just as ghetto and black as if she was with a black dude but her Spanish dude didn’t seem to mine. It wasn’t until I started watching YouTube and researching mixed race couples, that I started to notice a rule that you have to follow; (In order to successfully date outside of your race you have to be completely and utterly you, hood and all) actually an Asian guy who I watch on YouTube said it best, “if I am with a black girl and she acts asain then what is the point, if I wanted an asain girl I would date an asain girl, no I date black girls because they are black.” I have a long way to go before I can act upon this information, so until then I can only date AA’s, because I don’t really feel that another race could handle (all) of me. .


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