A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

How do you do all that you do? October 26, 2009

I’m zonked this week. M is working a crazy new schedule that we’re all trying to get accustomed to, the kids are extra busy with school stuff and this is beginning a busy season for both businesses.

The other day I was chatting with a friend who lives in Seoul and she was going on and on about how she admires me and how she doesn’t know how I do it all. She knows I automatically go into deflect mode when she starts talking like that. I do what I do because I don’t want to be doing the same thing in ten years. In ten years I’d like to be whereever I want to live, doing whatever I want to do without having to even THINK about how I’m going to pay for it. In other words, I work my butt off now so that later in my life I can relax and enjoy.

My friend called me her hero. Ugh. While, I appreciate the admiration, the fact of the matter is that there is nothing whatsoever heoric about working to take care of your family and prepare for our future.  People do this all day, everyday. My kudos go out to the single parents who do this on their own. I have help and I recognize that I’m blessed to not only have M but also the kids’ dad being an active part of their lives. It makes it easier for me to balance when I know the kids have family with them. Not everyone has this assistance.

There are tradeoffs to living the kind of life M and I do. I have fewer friends because I can’t always go out when some of my more social friends want to. Eventually, I’m silently dropped from the invitation list. LOL. Why continue to invite someone when their response is always, “No I’m sorry but I can’t.. I have to be at the boutique” or “Sorry girl but I’m wayyy too tired.” I don’t mind no longer being invited because it makes it easier on all of us and takes away any awkward moments that come as a result.  On days when I’m exhausted and I question why I do what I do, there’s a little voice that reminds me that tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us and these things that I trade on a daily basis to work, I may end up one day regretting. It’s always an emotional and physical balancing act. I’m always looking for ways to do a better job as mother, wife and friend. How do you all balance? I’m sure we all do a million things a day.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you all… until the next blog lovelies.


3 Responses to “How do you do all that you do?”

  1. Empress Samantha Says:

    Always love reading your blogs. Interesting topic. I’m only in my early 20s but I started graduate school and its amazing how much things change after you graduate college. I’m super busy these days and most of the people I interact with besides my family, are in my graduate program. When I’m not in class I’m usually studying. I’m getting invited to all kinds of social events for my friends but I’m either too tired or too busy. I’m so happy and excited with what I’m doing that I don’t much care. I have a circle of friends outside of school and they understand how busy my life is right now and yet we still make time to hang out and de-stress. As for balancing school with having fun, it’s hard but taking some time to myself and going to a movie or spending time with my younger sisters just being goofy and crazy and not thinking about the mountain loads of work I have to do really helps.

  2. blindianlove Says:

    Empress Samantha,
    Your reply brought up flashbacks.. now that I think of it, this path of “all work, no play Alisa” really began in earnest when i began grad school years ago. I got to the point where I wouldn’t pick a non school related book or magazine because I always felt I should have been doing school work. Even now I can’t pick up a book without guilt that I should be doing something more leisurely. I guess we always replace one project with another.

  3. Hi there!
    A friend of mine told me about your blog and I love it! I too am in a mixed-race relationship.

    I’d like to invite you and your readers to check out the Mixed and Happy Blog, http://mixedandhappy.blogspot.com, a reply to Keith Bardwell’s decision to deny a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for the future children they might have.

    On Dec. 15, 2009, we are sending him a colorful Christmas card to show him that mixed-race people, families and couples are indeed happy people who produce happy, healthy and loved children.

    I am trying to gather 100 submissions, and I’d love you to submit a picture if you’d like.

    Thanks, and I’m going to link you!!

    Suzy R.

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