A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

A Holiday Recap and Facebook Page Update January 16, 2010

Hi everyone! It’s good to take a moment to catch up with you all. M spent his third holiday season here. This year we decided to do something a bit different and go on vacation.  We spent 10 days in Gatlinburg, celebrating Christmas and the New Year.  It was the best decision I’ve made in a long time because we needed to unwind and decompress as a family unit. We enjoyed nature drives to Cades Cove, shopped, did part of the Roaring Fork Nature trail (the other parts were closed), played mini golf, went to Wonderworks (and interactive science museum) and basically just slept when we wanted, played board games and read alot. Unfortunately, I was sick the entire trip. The crud hit me the evening we got there and  lasted the whole trip. Even though I didn’t feel my best, we still had an awesome time.

 We had the pleasure of spending part of the trip with one of my closest friends Sibreena and her two daughters. They came up for three days of the trip and my mother and her boyfriend came up to spend the New Year with us. I was shocked my mother even made the decision to come up but I’m glad she did because she got to spend time with M and I and the kids. I think seeing us as a family unit put her mind at ease a bit. She saw that the kids and M horsed around and talked together as they would with anyone else and equally as important, she saw that we’re just like any other couple. We laugh and joke ith one another and occasionally snap at one another just like average people in a relationship. Mom saw there’s nothing different about M from the average Joe. He has his particular ways like, he watched CNN and Law and Order fanatically and drank tea and coffee like crazy. He has an affinity for reading and put hot sauce on everything because one of his gifts was a gourmet hot sauce set that had about six different kinds of hot sauce. He and my mother’s boyfriend bonded over this and their love of garlic.

My mom was able to get a glimpse into the relationship I have with my in-laws when she heard me talking to my niece, nephew and sister in law. We had spoken to my mother in law earlier. I’m not sure why she had the look on her face that she did when I was talking to them. We speak to the kids only in English since they are learning the language in school and the sister in laws speak a blend of Hindi, Malayalam and English depending on who they are talking to. We talked about their school and teachers and a party they had over the holiday. I think hearing the conversation somehow removed the veil of mystery my mother had somehow created in her head about how I am with M’s family.

One of the best moments came when my mother (I think to her very own surprise) realized M has a sense of humor when he made a joke about some  potatoes (long story) that had us all in stitches. She playfully told him “M, now I’m ashamed at you I can’t believe you said that!” and laughed as she repeated her punchline. They talked about real estate and the Christmas Day terror attack.  

On the flip side, the worst moment came when my mother made a off color joke about “Indians and their spices and having everything smelling like curry and you know how they are.”  That’s the reader’s digest version of her comment that has been seriously censored for the sake of the blog. When she said it, I immediately swiveled around and said, “You seriously need to cut it out. That was so inappropriate. What if someone in his family made a remark like that?!” She looked surprised when I proceeded to continue to lambast her about ignorant and racial remarks and to think about her own feelings. Surprisingly enough, she actually half way apologized and tried to smooth over the situation. From that moment forward I didn’t have another problem out of her the whole trip.  She did get a little upset with M about letting the kids going out for a walk in the snow with no coats or hats on but even I upset about that, especially since one kid  was still recovering from a cold. 

The funniest moment of the time with my mom came when the New Year rolled in.  My mom, the kids and my niece and I were all standing on the balcony watching three different firework shows from the deck of the chalet. When the New Year rolled in, M looked at my mom, then looked at me and actually shook my hand and said “Happy New Year Babe.” I of course was shocked at the formality but I didn’t say anything. However, the SECOND my mom walked back into the chalet, he quickly grabbed me and gave me a big kiss, saying “Happy New Year!” When I asked what the handshake was all about, he said “Babe I couldn’t kiss you in front of ma.” LOL.  I told him I was pretty sure my mom realized that we kissed and then some since we were married. When I told momma about it later, she thought it was funny that he was going to such extremes to show respect for her.  Believe it or not, my mom, M and I all went shopping together while the kids stayed home with my mom’s boyfriend since he had a cold too. It was a pleasant time.  This trip was beneficial in so many ways. Two people who are important in my life came a step closer to letting their guard down with one another. To me, that was one of the best gifts I could have been granted.  I’ve posted a few of the trip pics above. I hope you enjoy them. 

Now, on to the facebook page information. At the suggestion of reader, I’ve created a facebook page for other blindian couples. The name of the group is Blindian Love. You can find it in the Facebook group search function or email me at blindianlove@hotmail.com and I’ll send you a group information. Right now the group is set up where members have to be approved. I did that to keep out the crazies and any negative comments. Like this blog, I hope this facebook page becomes a place of support and knowledge. I want people to be able to comfortably share pictures and information with one another without fear of any type of negativity or judgement. I hope everyone understands my decision to control the membership for this reason. I’m looking forward to seeing some of you all on Facebook! Until the next blog my lovelies.

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8 Responses to “A Holiday Recap and Facebook Page Update”

  1. Empress Samantha Says:

    Thanks for the pictures. They’re beautiful! I’m glad you enjoyed your family trip for the Holidays. I’ve enjoyed being with my family on my Winter Break before I go back to school. Just sent a request to join your Blindian Love group. Can’t wait to have discussions there!

  2. The diverse one Says:

    Those are some great pictures of you and your family. I’m due one. My sister is trying to plan for all of us to go to South Florida , Savannah or Charleston, South Carolina. Any place is better than being stuck here all of the time. I just want to sample the outsides the ATL.

    Far as your mom, those are some very encouraging signs.The process may be gradual and at times,maybe for her uncomfortable, but I think that she means well. My uncle recently confessed to my aunt that he no longer wants to be ” evil”( I wouldn’t say evil , but he was a really mean guy). This was also the same uncle who , at one point, was embarrassed to be around. I remembered an incident where we stopped at a grocery store, and was parked by a Latino couple, Neither one of them had their windows up, but within a minute, my uncle was out with the the stereotypes.Understandably by the couples expression, they were not too happy about it. I guess my uncle thought that they couldn’t speak/understand English.

    My brother, sister and me was soooo embarrassed about it until we came all came close to getting the bus at night( we actually end up going inside the store for a while). When we confronted him with this issue, his answers to it would be incredibly boneheaded:” Well every race has a stereotype” or that “some of them are saying the same things about us”. He would say that he is no racist , but with the stereotypes he made about them, they would think otherwise.

    We have good friends from all races. My parents didn’t raise us to be such and we would like to see continue to see people as people. If I encounter racism and I have on a couple of occasions, so be it, that is they way of the world, everybody isn’t going to see you as their equal, but there are some people who will see you for yourself.Those are the people that matters to us. I don’t know about anybody else, but I wouldn’t want to live in a glass box.

    My uncle says he want to change. Change for him may not be in an instant, but it’s still encouraging to hear that he wants to do it. I’m going to pray for the best for him.

  3. Lina Says:

    Great idea about facebook!

  4. purpledusk971 Says:

    I sent you a request on facebook hope you accept it, i’m mixed with black and east indian and enjoy reading your blog!

  5. jamily5 Says:

    Hi, tell me how the facebook thing is going.
    Well, my fam is a bit “redneck,” Gori with Pakistani fiancee. But, they are coming around. It takes a long time to dispell stereotypes. And, even if your “so” is always “The exception,” it is a start.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Hi Jan,
      The facebook thing is going okay. Oddly enough the Blindian Love Couples aspect is not nearly as active as the regular Blindian Love group. There are some very interesting conversations that go on there. If you haven’t already joined, please do so. We always love to hear new perspectives.

  6. Rachel Says:

    LOL my husband is addicted to CNN ……The Times of India…and Books..we have over 400 books and they are still coming..LOL…. I dont mind….he loves to read…even when going to the Bathroom he grabs a book…and he loves his hot sauce…everything must be nose running …mouth blazing eye dripping hot…again I dont care..it is so much fun to watch.

  7. Renee Says:

    I so enjoy reading your blog which I found while searching for Indian men and African American women relationships. My initial search left me extremely dissappointed and lead me with the decision to stay away from Indian men. Research told me that I would be played and used for a good time only. This is something that I surely did not want. But being that the heart wants what the heart wants, I continued my search for this few and far between type of relationship. That’s when I found your story. I am so happy for the both of you and wish you nothing but the best. I am also waiting aprroval on your facebook page and know that you will get to it when you are able to do so.

    I am also pleased that I did not give up my hope on having a friendship or relationship because I would not have come to know my sweetheart. I will take this new relationship one day at a time as my cautiously optimistic feelings deminish as the communications between the two of us seem to grow stronger and stronger as time goes by.


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