A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

India Or Bust January 24, 2010

M and I will be returning to India soon for a visit. I’m nervously excited.  Even though I’ve been there so many times and know what to expect, it’s been a longer length of time since our last visit…almost a year. I’ll be spending more time with my in-laws than I ever have before. It’s one thing to talk to someone on the phone all of the time but yet another to be in person. In face to face situations, you see expressions and feel the emotions more.

I’ve noticed the last couple of times we’ve gone back to India that M seems to be a bit more uncomfortable with aspects of the culture. He’s a lot more impatient and is easily irritated by the things that I see as just part of being in India. For example, the traffic drives M nuts now on a level I don’t understand. We’re usually not in a rush to get to anywhere, we KNOW before we even head out that there’s going to be traffic and heat so why be so irritable about it? I think some of the convienences of being here are making him in some ways become the very type of person he likes to avoid in India. M doesn’t see it that way. I hope he finds his place of zen on this trip. It’s hard to believe that in a little over  a month ,M and I will have been married for four years. There are days like today when I look at him and I’m still in awe that we chose one another. It’s a journey some days.. we both laugh sometimes because we have such a different type of relationship than we’ve both experienced before. I’m just glad we chose to make the journey together. 

I have a Facebook group update. I know it will be slightly confusing and I have a feeling that I’ve probably created a bit more work than I’m ready for in one way but there are now TWO Facebook groups. One is for Black and South Asian couples only. The name of it is Blindian Love Couples. My hope is that those of us in Blindian relationships can find common ground and support in the commonality. This is a group for couples only.

The second Facebook group came about as a result of several emails I got from several readers who wanted to communicate with other Blindian Love Blog readers but may not be in a relationship. The name of the Facebook group is Blindian Love.

I look forward to getting to know some of you readers outside of the blog. My email address is blindianlove@hotmail.com if you have questions or comments about either facebook group. Until the next blog…  

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19 Responses to “India Or Bust”

  1. Charie Daviston Says:

    Please make sure to take lots of pictures and post them here or on Facebook. Have a great time in India.

  2. diverse Says:

    Congratulations on you and M’s four year marriage.

    For along time, I always’ thought that love was a mere emotion. My former coach stunned me with the true definition of it: patience, understanding, kind..etc, he’s been married to his wife for 40 years. When I read your post I thought about the same adjectives that you say about your marriage. I have a feeling that you two will have nothing to worry about. May you both have many more years of marital prosperity.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Thank you very much for the comments or as I say, the blog love. M and I have learned to take it one day at a time. I’m thankful for the place I’m at in life. I hope M and I will have 40 more years together and then some.

  3. Stacee Says:

    CONGRATULATIONS on FOUR YEARS!!!! Have a great time in India…and like the other posters said, take loads of pix!

    I sent you a facebook request for Blindianlove.
    I love reading your blogs as always…
    Stacee

  4. Hi BL,
    Many congratulations on four years !
    Sorry I haven’t been able to drop by as often as I would like. 😦
    By way of a small Anniversary Gift I’ve nominated you for a “Kreativ Blogger” award in recognition of everything you are achieving on here and the love and support you give to people.
    You can pick it up from http://honorarynewfie.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/kreativ-blogger
    Have a great trip !

    • blindianlove Says:

      Tom,
      Thank you so very much for the nomination and the compliments. I had wondered where you’ve been so it’s great to hear from you again. It was a surprise to see the nomination so thank you. I’m honored and humbled. I write this blog and even though I get a few comments, I am always amazed that a) people actually read the blog and b) people enjoy it. I’m thankful for this because it means the blog is serving its purpose. Thanks again and stay in touch!

  5. Hey, just noticed your count… it just turned 15000 !
    You’re doing something right girl ! 😀

  6. Indiangirl Says:

    Ok, I just wrote a long comment that I erased by accident, so this will be shorter. Congratulations on your 4 yrs, & it’s wonderful that you’re going back to India soon. It may be that M is just accustomed & happy w/ his current life w/ you, & going back to India is a bit of a “culture shock.” Although he was raised in India, he likely had to make quite a few changes when he got married & moved to the US.
    India is progressing rapidly, though, so even though some things might be behind times, there might be quite a few changes in the last year. HOpe you both have a great time there!

  7. Miss Andi K. Says:

    Congratz on 4 years! That is hard work for ANY couple, but double time for an interracial one. I am dating an E. Indian man now, and it has been quite a challenge. Ironically, my childhood nanny was E. Indian, so I was always attracted to Indian men, so I thought this relationship would come natural.

    Boy was I mistaken! Thanks for being bold enough to blog about such a personal topic!

    Best Wishes,

    Miss Andi K.

    • blindianlove Says:

      Hi,
      Thanks for dropping by the blog. I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you and your SO are having. Do you mind me asking what they are? Maybe me or some of the other bloggers can help ease your mind on some things. I do hope things work out for you both.

  8. Lina Says:

    My hubby and I are planning on visiting India in March, we will be taking our daughter to visit his family for the first time. Have a great time and take lots of pics to share!!

  9. Toni Says:

    Have a great, safe, trip. Look forward to hearing about it.

    Toni

  10. Hope you are enjoying your visit. Be safe
    Will catch you on facebook.

    Peace

  11. Empress Samantha Says:

    Congrats on your upcoming anniversary!!! Have an awesome time in India and be sure to post lots of pictures! I went to India when I was two, I don’t have any memories, just what my parents tell me. I definitely want to go back one day.

  12. msnikki Says:

    Hi, I came across your blog after a sleepless night, which is very unusual for me. I love to sleep but with work and school and a new husband, it’s hard to come by. Thank you for your blog, it’s really help to realize that I am not the only one going through the issues of a blindian relationship. I am a black female and my husband is from Punjab, India.My husband and I have known each other over three years. We were friends for the majority of it ,as I was in a relationship at the time we met, and he ‘well it’s complicated’. To make a long story short his family arranged a marriage for him and he got married. So when this happened I thought for sure we would remain on ‘friend’ status as I don’t date married men but I was sad as I had developed feelings for him. After the marriage we stopped seeing one another and even communicating at all. I missed him and thought of him often. The time for my tumultuous off and on relationship to end came so I was single.Then one day he called me and told me the marriage had ended. I was confused as to why he called me, well when we met later it was clear why he called. He told me that he was in love with me and I confessed my feelings for him. Our life as a couple had began, six months later we got engaged and three months after that we became husband and wife. I love him and I know he loves me. Our relationship has changed beginning with the announcement of our marriage, my family had accepted him as family long before we knew he’d actually be my mother adores him and my great niece and nephew call him uncle. I’ve never met his family…after his first marriage ended they disowned him. Our marriage was a small, but extravagant affair. He made sure that I had the fairytale wedding that I dreamed of all my life. It was except for a number of my friends who RSVP’d didn’t show, none of his family attended, and only one of his friend and his wife came, my immediately family and close friends attended and helped us celebrate our union. When we dated we never argued, after the engagement and as it got closer to the wedding all we did was argue. Now that we are married I am wonder if the reality of our interracial relation is more than he can bear. It’s as if he lives two separate lives. His faith is very important to him as is mines to me, we go to Temple and when I go to church he says he willing to go with me. He tells me that he loves me and that the color of our skin doesn’t matter but I have seen times when it does. Especially at his job and around some of his friends. His boss does not know we are married and when I go to his job and his boss is there I have to act like I am a regular customer. I have meet some of friends but I haven’t been invited to there house. They speak Punjab and hold there culture close, I haven’t been invited to any celebrations and they go to a separate temple then the one we attend. All of my life I had to deal with racism growing up in America the racial stereotypes that have been established for Black Women our sad and although over the years we have fought to dispel them they just continue to carry on and change with the times. My husband is a kind, loving,handsome,hard working man, he works 16 hour days, 5-7 days a week. He provides me with my every request or desire. I work as well and I attend college and hope to finish soon. So that I can promote and even start my own business. When no one is around and my husband looks at me he doesn’t see my color, he doesn’t care that I don’t have a coke bottle figure, he sees me his loving wife. But when he let’s the outside in he tends to believe the lies and stereotypes and his urge to stay true to his culture interfere with our relationship. Am I imagining this? Am I putting more thought into this than I should, if you or anyone has any helpful advice, I assure you it will be put to good use. I want my husband to be happy and when go out announce with pride that I am his wife. I guess what I am looking for his guidance so that I can have a happy, healthy, everlasting love that I long form.

    • Alisa Says:

      Sorry for the delay in response. I’m not sure how I missed this. I’d be interested in seeing how others respond to your questions and concerns. Was your guy married here or in India? Are his parents here in the states? Is the boss also Indian? I have lots of questions before I share my thoughts. Send me an email please so we can chat a bit further.

    • MsL Says:

      Apart from the marriage part, this is exactly what i have been going through after two and a half years in our relationship…the family, the boss, the friends, the hiding…now total silence on his part…sometimes it helps to know you are not alone….


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