A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

An Ode to a Special Father June 18, 2011

Five years ago my children were spending their first lengthy amount of time with their new stepdad- M. We had temporarily put our lives on hold to move to India in order for me to work on a media project and to spent time in M’s country. We were deciding whether the States or India would be the best place for us to establish our newly formed family.

Ultimately, we decided to settle back here in the deep south of the U.S. but I wouldn’t trade those months in India for anything in the world. Not only did I learn so much about my honey’s beautiful culture but my children forged an unbreakable bond with the man they now affectionately call “papa.”

After all of these years, I can finally openly admit I was secretly “auditioning” the ready-made family thing with M. My dear sweet hubby had been a bachelor for 38 years when we married. He was accustomed to doing what he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted with no regards to anyone else. Suddenly, he meets this woman who’s divorced with not one but TWO kids and his world is turned topsy turvy. I don’t think I could have handled such dramatic changes as gracefully and as lovingly as M. has.

I’ve never heard him complain. Not when his pockets went from supporting a family of one to a family of four virtually overnight. …not when we’ve had to cancel or change plans because of a sick child or childcare issues…and not when the kids have us both strung out to the max. M has walked two miles in monsoon rains to get medication for our son and he’s been one of their biggest cheerleaders. He’s always said from the beginning that he’s not trying to replace their biological father, he just wants them to know whatever they need–he’s always here for them.

In return, the children have showered him with love. They light up when he walks in a room and I have no problem admitting he’s the “good cop” and I’m the “bad cop.” He spoils them and gives them all the things mommy won’
Watching this kind of love on a daily basis has made me look more closely at the relationships between fathers and their children. There is a big difference between being a father and being a daddy. Anyone can donate biological fluid to the mission of procreation. It’s yet another thing to spend sleepless nights, frustrating homework sessions and rollercoaster days with a child. M is a Daddy.

My kids are blessed. They have two dads. One biological and one brought to them as a result of love. Both dads love and nurture the needs of the twins in beautiful ways but this is my thank you to M for being such an incredible father. I know it hasn’t been easy but you’ve made it look like a piece of cake. I love you M and Happy Father’s Day from me, P and G.


8 Responses to “An Ode to a Special Father”

  1. purpledusk971 Says:

    What a wonderful and touching homage to M, you’re both mutually blessed to have each other in your lives. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

  2. Sara Says:

    Made my eyes misty. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful thing.

  3. Arielle Says:

    What a great story,

    I admit to not always saying Happy dad’s day to my father,but he’s since apologized for his actions and we’ve forgiven for it..even telling him those three words.I agree, you’re kids are blessed to have two great men in their lives. In many instances, it is not always the case. I just could imagine them talking about Father’s Day, taking them both out to dinner somewhere. Either way, your kids will be able to boast about this. I know I would if I was in their shoes.

  4. ann Says:

    It is so great to know couples can make their relationship work. LOL, Does M. have a single brother?

  5. Donna Says:

    Hi I started chatting with a guy from India about a month ago, he now want to take it to another level, am from the Bahamas, and always dated out side of my race but not from India I’ve been trying to read up and learn more about the culture not to many good things so far, just need a few tips please.
    Thank you

  6. Monique Says:

    Great, touching post! I bet this made M’s day! I should’ve written a blog post dedicated to my dad on Father’s Day.

  7. Marshea Says:

    That was an absolutely amazing post!

  8. nish Says:

    lovely…n nice to read dat such peple- father exists…

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