I recently made a post titled “Can’t We All Just Get Along?” The post got the attention of Tom, a white male married to an Asian woman. I was excited because Tom was not only my first male poster, but he also brought a fresh perspective to IR’s.
Today Tom made this comment “I know the people who say stick to your own kind are probably only stating it because they feel it will protect you from being hurt or rejected.”
Or… they say “stick to your own kind” because that is what they have always done; the reason being that they, themselves, are either too frightened or small-minded to venture out into the wider world.
People often subconsciously transfer their own fears and stigma onto others.” (the rest of his comment can be read in the original blog ).
When I read Tom’s words, it was like a light bulb went on. He worded my thoughts so accurately. Tom is very correct about how people subconsciously transfer their own fears and stigma onto others and how fear keeps people from venturing out. It’s like a social mania.
Unfortunately, society has screwed so many of us up. We seek validation and approval from others without realizing how detrimental it can be to us. It’s like we’re puppets in a puppet show being run by the man behind the curtain. How many times have we done something in our lives, not because we wanted to but because we didn’t want to face the retribution or harsh reaction from others if we went against the norm? This is why some people react so harshly to intercultural and interracial relationships. It goes against what others have told them should happen and THAT makes them uncomfortable.
Black women have so much baggage laid upon us about dating outside the race. The way some people act, you would think we were committing cultural genocide. I honestly think that some Indians feel the same way…that their sons or daughters being involved with someone of a different religion, caste or creed somehow dilutes their heritage. They don’t look at it as a new dimension or facet being added.
M and I are thinking about having a baby. We talk about it at least twice a week. M has no blood children and I am thankful he loves my twins as his own. I hesitate to have another child because 1) my twins are 8 now and going back to having an infant I feel would be difficult 2) my twins are a result of fertility drug treatments and even though they have been great kids, I am fearful of having another set of twins and 3) we travel a great deal and traveling with an infant is a whole new ballgame. I know these are probably selfish issues but I brought this subject up to say this. If we do decide to have a child, we know we will raise it to embrace both sides of their culture. There’s no one culture superior to the other (contrary to many twisted beliefs).
Tom’s comment made me realize that some people hide their racism behind the cloak of “love.” But if they really loved you, it wouldn’t matter who you were with and why as long as you are happy and treated with respect. Until the next blog…