A Journey In Black and Indian Love

A Peek inside the marriage of an African American woman and her East Indian spouse

A Looming Birthday-Oh What’s a 35 year old to do. April 20, 2009

The Mountains of Pigeon Forge

The Mountains of Pigeon Forge

I turn 35 in a few months. It’s a birthday I’m looking forward to, yet dreading. It’s not really the age thing. It’s the feeling of change that is coming over me. The last time I felt like this, I was about to turn 30. I could feel the change in the wind but little did I know that every aspect of my life was about to change- my marriage, my finances, my friendships-NOTHING was left untouched but I emerged from the ashes a stronger and wiser person.

I happen to believe that where we are in this very moment of life is where God wants us to be. When I’ve tried to change HIS plan, I always wreak havoc so over the years, experience has taught me to just ‘be still.’  When I do, it always turns out for the best.

Last year M and I went to Las Vegas for my birthday. It was a great trip. We saw Cirque’s “O” which is absolutely incredible.  This year we are planning a friends and family weekend in Gatlinburg. I’m looking forward to spending time relaxing in the beauty of the Smokies with family and friends. I want to shoot a little pool, shop, play board games, have some late night gab sessions with my girls, watch the guys in a grilling battle to see who makes the best barbeque and just fellowship and soak up the time with friends and family.

Aside from Dubai and St. Martin, The Smokey Mountains are my favorite spot to frequent. I love watching the blue haze that lingers over the peaks in the morning. I love the small town feel of Gatlinburg and all it has to offer. The hiking trails, the nature overall and the opportunity to raft is calling me there for some down time.  This place of beauty is what I want to share with my friends and family.

I’m trying to make sure everyone will be able to come and will be able to partake of the weekend festivities. So far the expense shouldn’t run more than $200 for a three day two night trip that includes food. I’m trying to be mindful of everyone’s budget.  Does anyone have any ideas?  We’re staying in a chalet where everyone will have their own bathroom in suite. I know how important privacy is and wanting to have the ability to choose when you want to relax away from the group. I’ll have everything worked out and the invitation letter going out to everyone by tomorrow mid-day.  Until the next blog…..

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Indian Movies April 19, 2009

 

Faana

Faana

 

I mentioned in a previous post that M and I watch a lot of movies. Thanks to Netflix I can indulge in documentaries and foreign films that my local movie store doesn’t carry. I thought I would take the time in today’s blog to pass along some of my favorite documentaries and Indian films. If you’ve never watched an Indian movie before let me forewarn you that they are generally quite long.  Usually they are over three hours .

Tonight we watched Kal Ho Naa Ho: Tomorrow May Never Come.  In typical Indian fashion this movie was well over 3 hours long and it seemed to just fall apart at the end.  Last week we watched Dil Chahata Hai starring Aamir Khan. It’s a great film about three guys who have been friends since grade school. It’s a film about life, love and friendship. We also watched Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Let me just say BOOOOOO BOOOOOO. I threw popcorn at my own screen. If you like movies that rank a 10 plus on the cheese factor this is it.

Here’s a list of my favs so far:

Slum Dog Millionaire (excellent movie)

Sarfarosh (three and a half starts)

Salaam Namaste (four stars)

Water ( Part of the Deepa Mehta trilogy Five stars)

Salaam Bombay (five stars. A very touching movie about a little boy thrown into life in the slums of Mumabi. It’s directed by Mira Nair who also directed Monsoon wedding).

Monsoon Wedding (four stars)

Fire (Part of Deepa Mehta’s trilogy five stars. The movie touches on the subject of same sex relationships. I think this movie was amazingly done)

Arranged (Five stars…movie about an unlikely friendship between an orthodox Jewish girl and a Muslim girl)

Faana (three and a half stars. It’s long..almost like two movies in one) 

Movies I could take or leave:

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Earth (Directed by Deepa Mehta and part of her movie trilogy, Earth, Water and Fire)

Beauty Academy of Kabul (documentary)

What are some of your favorite movies with a foreign slant and why?  Until the next blog..

 

An Ode to Friendship

M and I had date night last night. We went to hear a friend of mine who is a blues singer. I was one of the two friends who showed up to support her. It wasn’t like they didn’t know she was performing. I had personally called and sent text messages to all of our mutual friends to remind them. Some said they were coming and didn’t..others didn’t respond. I could tell she was disappointed with the low turnout. As I looked around the club, it made me think about friendship and how as humans, we take our relationships with others for granted.

My friendships are precious to me. I surround myself with very few people that I can actually call friends. I have many acquaintances but in my opinion, the word friend is so overused.  I learned a long time ago that not everyone can wear the friendship label because like any relationship it requires work and not everyone is prepared to do the work of friendship. It means remembering birthdays or important dates, losing sleep occasionally while a friend talks through their issues and it means pitching in when needed.

I sometimes think that technology is a curse. With emails, text messages and the like, most people in society no longer take the time to handwrite thank you notes, or visit with friends the way it was done 30 or 40 years ago. We’re all just too busy. However, life is short and we all need to remember to appreciate those around us that stand tall and strong with us through any storm.

I’ve had friends who have traveled around the world with me to witness the traditional Kerala ceremony between M and I. That’s some love. I’ve had friends who have stayed up all night with me while I cried over a broken relationship. That’s even more love. LOL.

M and I differ on the friendship thing. He’s a loner and from what I’ve been told by him and his family, he always has been for the most part.  He can take people or leave them and will quickly call me an agony aunt when I’m nurturing a friend through hard times. It’s important for me to have friendships and if I hadn’t seen it over the last few years I wouldn’t believe that M could live without having friends. My dear sweet nerdy M simply reads, plays with the dogs, does Sudoku or watches television in his spare time. My ideology is that if he’s happy with his friendless life, it’s fine with me. My job is to be friend, wife, nurse and psychologist whenever he needs it. 

How do you nurture your friendships? Do you feel the art of friendship is changing? Until the next blog..

 

To Stay or Not to Stay..That is the Question April 17, 2009

  

At least once a week M and I have the same conversation. I want to move back to India or at least spend part of the year there. M thinks I’m nuts and is concerned about trying to rebuild a life there. He’s also concerned about our son’s allergies and asthma. I can understand the asthma problems in Delhi (smog and air pollution) and even Kerala (various greenery) but in Goa he seems to do well and we’ve found that the allergy flair ups usually come in spring and summer. I think it’s possible, M isn’t so sure.  We have this conversation at least once a week and it always ends the same-in non decision. It’s kind of like the should we have a baby or not discussion. We at least agree on that matter it’s just the timing of it all.

After spending so much time in India, I consider the country to be a second home for me and I miss the pulse and vibrancy of Delhi and Goa. I miss the quietness of Kerala at night. It’s very hard to explain but the country is in my blood now.

In addition to my full-time job, I have two businesses that can operate from virtually anywhere in the world. One is a voiceover business (if you’re interested, email me and I’ll send you the website link) and the other is a catalog and e-commerce jewelry and accessory business (www.paysonjewels.com) so I think we can survive anywhere.  I understand M’s concerns. He’s over 40 now and finding a job in India at his age can difficult since the country’s population is so young.

One of the other reasons I want to move is because I want my children to have a different kind of life. Every day you pick up the paper or watch the news, there’s been another shooting or some random act of death that can’t be explained. As a mother, I am keenly aware of the kinds of things my children are exposed to when they are at school and no amount of piano lessons, soccer or scouts can remove some of the peer pressure they are and will be exposed to as they get older.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve enough to think that we can move away from all things negative. However, say what we will about countries on the other side of the world but they have very different kinds of crime than we do here. We don’t hear about schools or hospitals being shot up the way we do here. And whether we like it or not, their kids are usually more educated than ours. There’s something to be said for this. As parents we want to give our children the best opportunities available to them. We want them healthy, educated and filled with integrity. We want them to hold on to the childhood innocence they have now before becoming stained with the negativity of the world. As parents, we are fighting like hell to do this with each passing day.  We’ve got great kids.. we know it and we want them to remain so.

We have a great number of decisions to make in the coming days…Until the next blog.

 

This Blog’s For You-My Open Thank you Letter April 16, 2009

This is my open thank you for all of the blog love that M and I have been receiving. In the two weeks this blog has been up, we’ve had more than 3,000 hits. People from all walks of life and nationalities have reached out to say they are enjoying reading our experiences and that they want to see more.  Your wish is my command.

I should have posted a “disclaimer” or announcement on this blog, that despite the fact the blog is titled “Blindian Love” the blog is not, nor has it ever been solely for African Americans. It’s for everyone who’s in love, who’s ever been in love or who will ever BE in love with someone who’s a bit different than you. This blog is merely a glimpse into my experiences as an AA woman who happens to be married to an Indian guy. I blog about our life together as a Black and Indian couple (thus the name blindian) in the hopes that our experience, as unique as it is will offer hope to others who feel there is little chance for them to be together. Hopefully, by seeing a little slice into our world, we symbolize the phrase there is always hope.

I love hearing from everyone. Not only am I hopeful that people are learning and gaining hope from our experiences but I am learning from you all as well. The emails and comments serve as support for me and M.  For example, Deb encouraged us to cling close to one another and remain a united front. A person who wishes to remain anonymous and I are fast becoming friends since she’s also an AA married to a Desi guy.  I even heard from an Indian woman sharing her experiences. These are just a few nuggets of what I refer to as blog love.

Feel free to ask me the questions that are on your mind and if you know of someone you think may be interested in the blog, spread the word or link it up to your blog or website if you have one. M and I are here to help and spread a little bit of Blindian love… until the next blog.